To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

"Well of course, women tend to be pretty fucked after childbirth. So why is it "precious" for them say they don't want visitors?"

It isn't.

Well it shouldn't be Bert, but Constance did say that she would need to be given a reason not to visit or think her friends/relatives "precious". What would be your response if your DS told you that his DP didn't want anyone at the hospital while she recovered, but he couldn't wait. Would you fail to respect her wishes just so he could satisfy his desire to show off the baby?

Don't be ridiculous.

"The PP mentioned that in her situation, times like 'when she was having a shower' was when she needed her DH's help." So in those circumstances, "while she was having a shower" would be a stupid time to suggest taking the baby for a quick visit.

So in those circumstances, "while she was having a shower" would be a stupid time to suggest taking the baby for a quick visit.

Yes. It seems like many of the circumstances/scenarios surrounding the Magic Five Minutes might be pretty daft, but some of us have been saying that all along.

Might even be better to avoid it altogether, manage the expectations of the grandparents and suggest they wait a day, and that the father see if he somehow has in him the ability to parent without giving in to all his whims.

Out of interest, on those threads where women say "I don't want any visits at home for 2/3/4 weeks" and everybody says "What a wonderful idea!" does the father have to go along with that too?

How long does the "What a post partum woman says, goes" last?

Bertrand

ur bubz ur rulz hun.

Or in many cases here, Smitff

Ur bubz ur rulz son.

weebo

No. Nobody has suggested that. The distinction is very clearly between (I) the post-partum woman and (II) the baby. Why should the mother prevent the father from allowing his baby to meet his family (loving circumstances blah blah blah)? The mother doesn't need to be seen if she doesn't want to be. In the matter of a brief visit from grandparents, why should the mother be the gatekeeper (baby not being wrenched from breastfeeding mother blah blah)?

Why can't the father and everyone else wait a day or two?

Weebo

Already been dealt with aplenty upthread.

Wait - a loving, eager, supportive father should wait a day or two to meet their baby? Is that what you're suggesting?

If "loving circumstances" are in place, the father and other family members should demonstrate it by respecting the mum's wishes to not have anyone up to the hospital.

As have all your whys, Smitff.

Do you think we will end up going in circles here? :o

The father should wait to see his baby? You don't mean that surely?

Of course I'm not.

The 'showing off' can wait.

I think so 🙃

Oh dear, Smitff.

We may be looking at an 'Agree to disagree' situation here.

Do you think we will still be allowed to post on AIBU? :o

Out of interest, on those threads where women say "I don't want any visits at home for 2/3/4 weeks" and everybody says "What a wonderful idea!" does the father have to go along with that too?

I'd suggest it depends on her physical and mental recovery. Would I have wanted visitors when I had a 41' fever with mastitis, even if we'd already 'agreed' those visitors and the timing? Fuck no, and I would have been disgusted with DH if he'd insisted on visitors, or with visitors who were put out by cancellation.

So - it depends. But one would expect it to be an area for discussion and agreement in a functional relationship, no?

For us, with DS1, said that for the first week we didn't want any visits that lasted more than an hour. That was a compromise, and it turned out to be a good one as we had a nightmare with feeding, DS lost a lot of weight and we all spent much of the time in tears. Had my in laws been parked on the sofa (as is their wont when they visit) it would have made a stressful situation very much worse. Luckily we had put in place expectations that meant we were able to avoid that sort of situation.

Already been dealt with aplenty upthread

Has it? Missed that, apart from a good deal of 'why should he'.

I'm sorry but I'm not sure why you have posted asking if people think you are being unreasonable or not, as you seem to be very clear on what you want and what you intend to do. Good luck with the birth and your baby.

YANBU
I had mine by c-section and I did not want my MIL or anyone else coming in whilst I lay there with a catheter and a big wound and discomfort and no make up and just felt crap. Sorry MIL, yes it's your grandchild but it's MY body thats just gone through this trauma and I don't want to see anyone except my mum and DH.
With the first I didn't know how I'd feel and they all congregated when I could hardly move. With the next one I said clearly NO VISITORS - Mil still came down from Kent and then just sat there for hours telling me I should sleep when baby slept - I felt crap enough without her watching me sleep.
For the next two I called her and FIL and told them myself.
YOU are giving birth and at this time you can be selfish.

What I really want to know is where all this mess and bodily fluids are coming from??

I mean you have your baby in the delivery room or operating theatre, and then you are cleaned up and sent to the post-natal ward, right? Where you get tucked up into a nice clean bed, with clean nightie or pjs, baby wrapped in a blanket and cuddled or put in a cot?

Where the hell then is all the blood and naked vulvas? Do we really have such a staffing crisis in U.K. hospitals that you are just abandoned in the messy aftermath and gore of childbirth? Sorry, I'm just not seeing it happen.

You should have a look at the The Mumsnet Campaign for Better Postnatal Care Wombling.

womblin
I stayed in the room I gave birth in, OH slept in the chair beside me.every toilet break needed him to help me change bloody knickers. the first pee went into a container for midwives, the constant attempts to get baby to latch.... imagine how fun that would all be with even the discretest audience. And just getting over the shock of it all in general.