To not want anyone there whilst in hospital with DS?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

Apart from DH of course.

I don't want MIL/SIL visiting whilst I'm there. It's against my wishes tbh. I want House visits only.

DH is a bit at me but that's how it is. I will be in quite a vulnerable position, regardless of how easy or not so my birth ends up.

I would 100% have my Mum there when DS is born but, she lives too far away, and she won't be able to straight away. She will also be visiting once we're home.

I would not have minded a vist from my MIL. She was pretty practical and supportive about stuff like this. But FIL would have driven me mad and SIL would have made me homicidal. Sometimes it is about the MIL as an individual, not just a mean-spirited prejudice against in-laws.

The mother does not NEED privacy, space time for her wishes to be respected.

WTAF Smitff? Of course she does! I'm starting to think that you and granny are on the wind up now.

Penn-can you explain why?

knockedover, I'm not sulking. I've seen some of my GC on the day they were born, some the next day and some a week later. I'm certainly not desperate to see them on day one but sometimes one of my sons really wants me to. Why would he be bullying his wife, if she doesn't want to see me, actually my DILs are happy to see me and will often say they get more support from me than their own mothers, but if she didn't want to see me then fine let him show me the baby. Can you explain why that would be an issue unless you hate your MIL? I was happy to show my babies to people but if I hadn't wanted to see them then why would my husband not be able to show his baby?

BertrandRussell because she can.

Because it's her time. Hospital can be a family bubble time for some before the madness ensues. For some I'll stress.point is if she wants no visitors you don't worm for loopholes or buts or what it's.you say ok, we'll look forward to meeting baby at home. Her decision, and last thing she needs is to feel undermined by her partner.

And God help her partner if he has an opinion.

I think if the mother wishes to not be separated from her baby, and also not to receive visitors, then her wishes should be respected. My mum has talked about how awful she felt when the hospital staff took my sister from her so she could rest. She did not want this, left early rather than be separated, and still remembers it nearly 30 years on.

I definitely did feel like I wanted the baby to be nearby at least. I don't for a second think that a mother who feels differently is wrong, but even if it's somewhat irrational, it mattered a great deal to me to be with my baby. Any loving partner can respect that, surely.

I can't see any men on here saying otherwise. Who visited you when you had yours?( Not being sarky/malicious, genuinely interested)

Pengggwn, how lovely for you to have someone who cares so much about your feelings. It would be nice if someone thought about his as well wouldn't it?

Why is it preferable to override the wishes of the parent who has just given birth, than to tell the non patient parent and wider relatives that their wishes don't come first for a few days? Why is the father's wish to show his new baby off more important than the new mother's desire to keep her baby with her? Surely if there is ever a time for a woman's feelings to come first it is when she has just been through pregnancy and childbirth and is recovering in hospital.

knockedover, not sure who you are asking but if it is me I had 3 in hospital, from memory my mother, my ILs, my siblings, (husband is an only child) teacher from NCT group, my other children, my aunt (we were close.) Can't remember any more can't be sure as I have a feeling there was someone else but can't remember.

When I had my children nobody asked if they could visit. They all just turned up. I didn't think twice about it. When did all this preciousness start?

Does it really exist?

stitchglitched, as I said before mother will go to the loo, have a shower, be examine by midwives. Husband can show his mother the baby without the new mother being disrupted. I'm not suggesting a big visit, not forcing the mother to see anyone, not taking her baby away for hours.

ConstanceCraving, when I had mine you felt sorry for the people without visitors.

This isn't a situation where both parent's feelings need to be given equal consideration.

Yes that's true Granny.

Not wanting visitors I can completely understand. Not allowing the baby's father to take it for 5 minutes to show it to his parents I don't understand for a second. I co parent with my dp- neither of us is boss. And that is something where you have to start as you mean to go on- or you'll end up posting on Mumsnet about him not knowing how to make packed lunches.

Penn- it is silly to imply that anyone is suggesting a man "prioritising his mother".