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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son 27 bring girl home (1st one deleted)

258 replies

Haribogirl · 09/07/2017 17:58

SO mumsnet emailed me and told me because I havnt answered any comments on the 1st thread people thought I was a troll.
I am most certainly not, reason why didn't reply was....
I'd written it just before I'd gone to bed, because i thought when I get up it will of maybe had some replies. Nothing else.

So fri night son comes in early hours(I half heard him)
Thought it the night I kept hearing the bathroom door being closed.
I thought he'd eaten one thing and had diarrhoea!!
So was in and out of sleep most of the night.

I woke up to hear him going down about 10ish and saying "going to get something to ear"

Partner came up to bring me coffee(he'd been up early)
So I said what the hell was all that noise with the doors last night.
He said you don't know, ..... bought a girl home, I've not slept all night with the noise and them talking and s..... till 5 ish

Well I was livid, he said he'd never do this although most of his mates do and I said no you won't.
When he came back, I went mad at him, told him he's no respect for us and if he want to do that go get a hotel room. It's our house not his and his room is still in our house.

Am I old fashioned (60)

OP posts:
demirose87 · 09/07/2017 22:51

At the end of the day, the girl OP's son brought home could be absolutely anyone, she could steal from them etc. So its not the sex thats the problem, its the bringing a stranger home and having them there while people are sleeping. Also I think it's very rude to expect your parents to listen to your sex noises.

JustArandomUser · 09/07/2017 22:51

I say yanbu. I wouldn't want my kids bringing random girls back to shag in my house.

Fair enough if they were actually in a relationship I wouldn't mind them having a girlfriend stay over, but I would want to know who is in my house while I'm asleep.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 09/07/2017 22:53

I wouldn't have a problem with my DC living at home when they are 27, provided they have their own lives and are just living there for convenience and to save money. We'll have someone to help with chores and be pet sitters while we jet set around the world spend the weekend in Birmingham.

Bringing a boyfriend home wouldn't bother me either, but as others have posted, having a random stranger introduced to our home in the middle of the night would not be appreciated.

Whichwayyisup · 09/07/2017 23:11

You need to make it clear what your rules are. Or he leaves. Not unreasonable since he is 27!!!!

BarbedBloom · 09/07/2017 23:15

I wouldn't care at all about my son having sex or a ONS, but I wouldn't be comfortable with a total stranger being able to freely wander the house and potentially steal things. I would feel the same about a housemate really and it is why I never took a ONS back to my own house.

I would simply have a discussion with him and discuss some ground rules that you are both comfortable with, mainly him not keeping everyone awake.

This is in no way saying people who have ONS are all thieves by any means, I am no angel, just that I personally would feel anxious about a stranger being in the house while I was asleep.

Ohyesiam · 10/07/2017 00:01

Are you totally sure it wasnt a woman he brought home?

eatabagofdicks · 10/07/2017 06:24

No wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend. Still hasn't cut the cord.

claraschu · 10/07/2017 06:33

You should have taught him how to open and close doors with care and consideration.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/07/2017 07:14

"So last post then as I seem to get people's back up."

Why bother posting, then, @Haribogirl?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/07/2017 07:15

If all you are going to do is leave, when you don't get the answers you want, I mean...

midnightmisssuki · 10/07/2017 07:17

Yes you're old fashioned OP Grin - I hope your dp is also your husband OP, if not there's some serious double standards going on here Wink

wictional · 10/07/2017 07:26

Oh, I can see the headlines now...

"My mum kicked me out because I got a bit drunk, brought my maybe-girlfriend home and closed the doors a bit loudly."

If this is unusual behaviour, I would say that YABU to get this het up about it. It would be a different matter if he was doing this weekly. Just say he was being a bit loud last night, joke about buying earplugs or something.

And I'd like to see all these people moaning about a 27 y/o living at home to contribute to his deposit savings please.

Gottagetmoving · 10/07/2017 07:41

I didn't have shit parents thank you for your comment. Just very liberal and realistic. At least I was safe, open with them about my life and with a nice boyfriend who I could trust

Encouraging a 15 year old girl to have sex is not liberal it's neglectful. It's also illegal.

Tigerlovingall · 10/07/2017 07:49

Friends of mine have a son in his 30s still living at home. All his friends live round about. Suits them all. I therefore see nothing unusual in op's son still living there, just that her attitude to him having friends staying over is, to me, odd.

AgainPlease · 10/07/2017 08:16

God OP you sound like my mum. And she's the reason I moved half way across the world and now resent her for a lot of things.

She was very strict with me, always liked using the line "my house, my rules". It was hell. So I ended up having sex in all sorts of places - cars, parks...

The irony is when she comes to visit me she dictates to me what my house is like, how clean it should be, what food I should be eating, how I go about doing the ironing. I snap back "my house, my rules" and it's incredibly unhealthy.

Jayfee · 10/07/2017 08:47

Surely it is the random person coming into your home not the sex that is the issue

Buthewasstillhungry · 10/07/2017 08:56

Gottagetmoving not encouraging g at all god you're as out of touch as the OP, I'd have done it anyway just in secrecy. You sound very ignorant.

Tigerlovingall · 10/07/2017 09:16

What's with this 'random' business? Unless he picked her up 'randomly' from a street corner or something, , surely she's just a friend of his you haven't met yet? Surely, there's time enough to get to meet her yourself over breakfast?
Worked for us.

Fantasticmissfoxy · 10/07/2017 09:35

The lack of consideration with the noise you have a right to be angry about - regardless of what he was doing or who with he's got no business keeping the rest of the house awake.
As far as the rest goes, you've been told repeatedly that you're being a bit upright. 27 is (imho) rather old to still be living with your mummy, unless there is a very compelling reason why. Assuming you are both happy with the status quo generally I think you need to have a talk and lay down some ground rules about noise levels and consideration for others.
Assuming he pays you some rent / board he has the right, as long as its legal, to use his bedroom as he sees fit, whether that's sleeping, shagging or Morris dancing, as long as he doesn't disturb the other residents of the house.
If he doesn't pay anything then you have a bigger issue.

Jayfee · 10/07/2017 09:37

also which household doesnt mind son or daughter talking and making noise till 5 am. i would be very angry. and no strangers, male or female, sex or no sex. home is where you all respect boundaries and try to be considerate of each other. if my kds had been out late, id be quiet when they slept in. if anyone came home with them unexpectedly friends that us,they mostly texted while they were out unless it was too late and they didnt want to wake us.

i think op is being reasonable andshould talk toher son.

demirose87 · 10/07/2017 09:37

Tigerlovingall, I think it would have been better to meet before he brought her back to spend the night, if it was a friend or girlfriend. If I was the girl involved I'd be extremely embarrassed to be meeting the parents next morning over breakfast after a night of shagging. Honestly, I can't see many grown women going back for sex in someones parents house, sneaking around like a pair of kids and wanting to face them the next morning. How cringy.

Violetcharlotte · 10/07/2017 09:45

Tigerlovingall
I'm pretty liberal, but can't imagine how awkward it would be to be sat round the breakfast table, making polite conversation with my son and a woman I'd never met, having been kept awake all night by the sound of them shagging!

Guavaf1sh · 10/07/2017 09:50

There is a scene from a film - trainspotting perhaps - which highlights the awkwardness of this the morning after. It does sound hideous for you everyone and personally I think YANBU although you have to tread carefully not just become angry. I would guess your son is feeling pretty rubbish about his life right now

Violetcharlotte · 10/07/2017 10:08

Guava
I was imagining that exact scene myself! Grin

QuitMoaning · 10/07/2017 10:15

@Jayfee. Completely.

As some other poster said, it is having some stranger in the house when I am at my most vulnerable. My son is only 19 but he is free to have friends back, just introduce them to me first, even if it is that evening, just so I know and not suddenly frightened by strangers, in my home.
He is free to have sex with whomever he wants.

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