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AIBU?

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Original poster

Son 27 bring girl home (1st one deleted)

258 replies

Haribogirl · 09/07/2017 17:58

SO mumsnet emailed me and told me because I havnt answered any comments on the 1st thread people thought I was a troll.
I am most certainly not, reason why didn't reply was....
I'd written it just before I'd gone to bed, because i thought when I get up it will of maybe had some replies. Nothing else.

So fri night son comes in early hours(I half heard him)
Thought it the night I kept hearing the bathroom door being closed.
I thought he'd eaten one thing and had diarrhoea!!
So was in and out of sleep most of the night.

I woke up to hear him going down about 10ish and saying "going to get something to ear"

Partner came up to bring me coffee(he'd been up early)
So I said what the hell was all that noise with the doors last night.
He said you don't know, ..... bought a girl home, I've not slept all night with the noise and them talking and s..... till 5 ish

Well I was livid, he said he'd never do this although most of his mates do and I said no you won't.
When he came back, I went mad at him, told him he's no respect for us and if he want to do that go get a hotel room. It's our house not his and his room is still in our house.

Am I old fashioned (60)

OP posts:
laurelstar · 09/07/2017 19:43

And it's perfectly reasonable to ask him to clean his room.

DonaldStott · 09/07/2017 19:44

Op have you gone to bed again?

Probably by now. She is 60 you know

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 09/07/2017 19:48

While I wouldn't be bothered about the sex, I'd certainly be pissed of with all the banging of doors and her DP being kept up all night.

spaghettithrower · 09/07/2017 19:48

Don't know why you came on here and asked if YWBU when clearly you are convinced that YANBU and nobody can change your mind.

Ginslinger · 09/07/2017 20:16

we had ground rules about what was acceptable re having people to stay and staying out all night but all my kids left home before they were 27 - if they came home for a weekend or a holiday then they reverted to the ground rules of the past, as far as I know Grin

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 09/07/2017 20:18

What did you want from this thread? I don't mean that sarcastically, so hope it doesn't come across that way. Do you want advice on boundaries? You do need some - both of you - if you have an adult child at home.

Buthewasstillhungry · 09/07/2017 20:20

Gottagetmoving
I didn't have shit parents thank you for your comment. Just very liberal and realistic. At least I was safe, open with them about my life and with a nice boyfriend who I could trust.
I'm now married with a child having travelled the world, got a good degree and professional job so no, I definitely did not have "shit parents" but your parents did not teach you to be polite apparently.

IHaveCausedConfusionAndDelay · 09/07/2017 20:23

Are you my mil? She doesnt let dh and I share a room when we stay with her. We've been together 10 years and have 2 dc's. I just want to tell her that I can't be bothered to shag dh much at all anymore, least of all when I've got porcelain cats staring at me from every available surface.

MissBax · 09/07/2017 20:30

Gottagetmoving - how rude! I also had my bf staying over at 15 and we were having sex. If it wasn't at home it would have been somewhere else so better that my mum knew where I was and I was being safe. Actually makes a very good parent in my opinion. My friends who weren't able to do the same shagged their bf's in parks and had several abortions each throughout their teens

ApocalypseNowt · 09/07/2017 20:32

What's a long term relationship? I mean, how many dates do you have to go on before you're allowed to bring the girl or boy back? Do you give your DS or DD the nod...."You may now.....have sex!"

Anyway sex is dirty and rude and I think we should all stop doing it. Urgh.

IloveBanff · 09/07/2017 20:33

IHaveCausedConfusionAndDelay "Are you my mil? She doesnt let dh and I share a room when we stay with her. We've been together 10 years and have 2 dc's."

Shock You have asked her why surely! What is her reason? It makes no sense.

PollyPerky · 09/07/2017 20:38

Happened she does say they were having sex.

He said you don't know, ..... bought a girl home, I've not slept all night with the noise and them talking and s..... till 5 ish

she says talking and s....

The s...is abbreviation for SEX.

PollyPerky · 09/07/2017 20:39

I also think parents facilitating sex when their daughters were under the legal age were bad parents. Ok the posters here turned out ok but luck rather than good management is my view.

chips4teaplease · 09/07/2017 20:40

You haven't a leg to stand on, OP, if you are not married to your 'partner'. You brought a man who is not your son's father (is he?) into the house so you could have sex. Why be surprised if your son thinks bringing sex-partners home is ok?

That aside, you could reasonably have the house-rule "Don't bring anyone here for sex." But you should have made that clear in advance.

The son's age is a red herring (over 16). The issue is shagging in your parents' house. I had the house rule 'We don't bring people here for sex', but it applied to me and my life as well as to dc.

LoveCakesandWine · 09/07/2017 20:41

Can't believe the OP posted a second thread about thisHmm

annieannietomjoe · 09/07/2017 20:41

I am only 31 and I think that it is ridiculous...I think it's different if a 'proper' gf but I think it sounds like a one night stand or a very new gf...I wouldn't want a stranger in my house. Plus it is just rude to keep everyone else up. Your house, your rules. Surprised by all the YABU tbh!

Mum2jenny · 09/07/2017 20:42

You'd have thought with the first thread being panned, the op would realise she was being totally unreasonable.

EastMidsMumOf1 · 09/07/2017 20:44

I agree with you OP - not old fashioned at all. Your house, your rules.

gillybeanz · 09/07/2017 20:46

I too think that parents facilitating sex underage were bad parents too.
I've never thought of myself or dh as the perfect parents by any stretch, we've made some huge mistakes.
However, we pride ourselves on having instilled good morals and values it's what all parents should do surely? It's the basis of socialisation.

Ragwort · 09/07/2017 20:47

^^ quite a few of us have made the comment that we do not think the OP is being totally unreasonable.

I am amazed that so many of you seem to think it is perfectly acceptable for your adult DS or DD to bring someone home for a ONS. Hmm.

I don't care if I am old fashioned, I do not think it is at all appropriate.

I managed to have a very healthy sex life in my 20s without needing to bring people back to my parents' home.

Bunlicker · 09/07/2017 20:54

Take sex out of the equation as you don't seem to mind him having girlfriends.

Is it ok to bring random strangers in to a sleeping person's home without their permission?

Is it ok to wake sleeping person up repeatedly through the night?

no

There's your answer.

Oh and to "cool mum" who makes bacon for her son's one night stands and tells the girls they need their breakfast after a night of shagging, the cringe is nearly killing me.

sykadelic · 09/07/2017 21:43

I know you said you're not coming back, but I actually agree with you. It's not entirely about the sex imo, it's about the complete lack of respect for your home, your rules, and your sleep.

Out of the blue and without warning you had a stranger in your house. That stranger was there when you were at your most vulnerable (asleep), they kept you awake with their noise.

My first boyfriend (that I had sex with) I never had him over to my parents. It was always at his house. My first boyfriend that I brought home, I was very clear that it was disrespectful to have sex in my parents house. That I didn't want them thinking about me doing that. I still feel the same. There's no need for it. If you can't control yourself for a couple of nights, you have issues. If you DO want to have sex, stay in a hotel. But those are my own issues about it I suppose. I too would have a similar rule for my son. It's one thing for a long-term girlfriend that I've met, quite another for some random hook-up.

StrangeLookingParasite · 09/07/2017 21:48

Well at least you've removed the spectacularly rude comment about turning the house into a 'knocking shop', by inference calling his girlfriend a working girl.

He really needs to move out.

LogicalPsycho · 09/07/2017 21:56

Tigerlovingall

When 19yr old son, on holiday from uni, brought home a girl for the night - and kept waking me up -I'd already laid out the makings of a Full English on the kitchen counter. When DS appeared to make coffee for them next morning, I told him "here,cook yer breakfast. You can't shag all night on a coffee and a fag"

I think I love you a bit Grin

ddssdd · 09/07/2017 22:02

With the greatest respect, op, you sound like my parents. Gee, even when my first born arrived, my partner and me were not allowed to share a room.

No one should feel ashamed for having sex. But if it's a ons, that's slightly different.

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