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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son 27 bring girl home (1st one deleted)

258 replies

Haribogirl · 09/07/2017 17:58

SO mumsnet emailed me and told me because I havnt answered any comments on the 1st thread people thought I was a troll.
I am most certainly not, reason why didn't reply was....
I'd written it just before I'd gone to bed, because i thought when I get up it will of maybe had some replies. Nothing else.

So fri night son comes in early hours(I half heard him)
Thought it the night I kept hearing the bathroom door being closed.
I thought he'd eaten one thing and had diarrhoea!!
So was in and out of sleep most of the night.

I woke up to hear him going down about 10ish and saying "going to get something to ear"

Partner came up to bring me coffee(he'd been up early)
So I said what the hell was all that noise with the doors last night.
He said you don't know, ..... bought a girl home, I've not slept all night with the noise and them talking and s..... till 5 ish

Well I was livid, he said he'd never do this although most of his mates do and I said no you won't.
When he came back, I went mad at him, told him he's no respect for us and if he want to do that go get a hotel room. It's our house not his and his room is still in our house.

Am I old fashioned (60)

OP posts:
SydneyJones · 09/07/2017 22:05

I dated someone who was 33 and lived at home. I wasn't allowed there until I met his parents multiple times. As I had no interest in meeting the parents so early on ... I ended it before it began.

I grew up with very liberal parents.

But your house, your rules.

quickname · 09/07/2017 22:06

Who on earth wants to have sex audible to their parents? I just couldn't.. but then I'm a screamer Grin

Fruitcocktail6 · 09/07/2017 22:07

It doesn't say that she heard the sex, just doors opening and closing all night

Goodasgold17 · 09/07/2017 22:09

27 and living at home? Why?

frecklesmcspeckles · 09/07/2017 22:11

Op honestly will you delete this one too, save us all wasting time? You posted yesterday, 90% + of people responding said yabu. It got deleted as you never came back. You posted today, 90%+ of people said yabu, you came back once to say, don't care I'm old fashioned and then left again. Honestly, 7 more pages and you're not wanting opinions. Delete so we can all get on with our evening!

Phew I'm never normally harsh... I feel better now Blush

Jayfee · 09/07/2017 22:11

well im not old fashioned but no way would i let my son bring home random girls for the night. regular girlfriends whom i have met, no problem. strangers coming in late at night...noooo!

Namesarehard · 09/07/2017 22:12

Yabu. It's his home too and should be entitled to shag in his own bed.

amusedbush · 09/07/2017 22:17

Why is he still living at home? I'm 27 and can honestly say that my mother and I would have strangled each other if I still lived with her! Grin

He's a grown man. He could have maybe kept the noise down out of respect for you but where else is he supposed to have sex? It IS his house too.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 09/07/2017 22:19

Are you sure it was a girl?

Maybe you should have a chat with your adult son about why he's not making his own path in life.

I think you would both benefit.

Violetcharlotte · 09/07/2017 22:19

I posted on the lady's thread OP to say I don't think YABU. Bringing home a gf/bf is one thing, bringing home a random one night stand is different. I'd have no issue with the first, but a real issue with the second. I wouldn't want strangers in my house in the middle of the night either!

Foniks · 09/07/2017 22:20

I said on the last thread, and I'll say again- massive difference between an actual girlfriend and some random one night stand. Bringing your girlfriend who has been introduced to your parents is not disrespectful, bringing some random shag to your parents home is disrespectful.

As for still living at home at 27, so what? Everything is expensive nowadays, much better to stay home and save up and move out later than to just rush to move out. If I were single and met a guy who still lived at home (I'm similar age to your son) I wouldn't think anything other than he's being smart an sensible with his money and time. But I definitely wouldn't go to his house unless I'd met his parents! Why move out to go to an empty house just for the sake of it, or just because some think you're too old? Besides, it's much more common these days. I'm in London, so very common here with rent and house prices. Most people I know have moved out, but only because they're married/in a ltr or they have/planning children. Lots still live at home, or live with in laws even.

Violetcharlotte · 09/07/2017 22:20

Last thread! Not ladys Hmm

RestlessTraveller · 09/07/2017 22:21

Please can someone with more patience than me explain the point of starting a thread on here. Y'know so she can read it when she wakes up.

I'm assuming this woman must be a bit younger than the son, I don't know any self-respecting 27 year-old women who would go back to a guys parents house.

PetyrBaelish · 09/07/2017 22:23

If you are giving him a free ride, your house your rules (but very stifling for a 27 year old, I hope he is able to move out soon).

If he is paying rent, it is his house too, and he is entitled to treat it as such (although you might want to have a word with him about the noise).

A lot of 27 year olds are settling down and getting married/starting a family, please be aware of the possibility that being treated like a teen boy in his home life might be humiliating for him, and might put off potential partners.

Cinderllaspinkdresswasthebest · 09/07/2017 22:25

I don't know why you're getting so much stick OP - I'm certainly not 'old-fashioned', just asked for respect from my son with the rule he was not to bring 'randoms' home. A girl he was in a relationship fine - and he has done and respected that.

I can think of nothing worse than going for a wee early hours in just my knickers and meeting some stranger on the stairs Blush

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 09/07/2017 22:26

I'm just shocked. Once he's 18 he can do what he likes, although he and the woman could keep the noise down. 😨

Bluntness100 · 09/07/2017 22:26

So the op came back once this time? I suspect she doesn't like the replies as they don't agree with her.

This wasn't a random it appears, he said he'd being seeing her for a few weeks.

Op. I think you have double standards. It doesn't appear you're married.

Maybe he learned it from you? He needs to move out though. He's a grown man and shouldn't be living at home and under these conditions.

They are your conditions though, he isn't standing on his own two feet and he needs to respect your conditions.

Jijhebtseksmetezels · 09/07/2017 22:27

I don't think YABU at all and I'm surprised so many think you are. I lived with my parents at certain points in my life (only for short spells whilst saving money) up until about 29 and Jesus my dad wouldn't even let my long term boyfriend stay in the same room Shock I shudder to think what he would have done if I'd brought a ONS home.

My dad was being annoyingly old-fashioned I admit but even so it's your house and you've a right to not want a random stranger stay over.

Fruitbat1980 · 09/07/2017 22:29

Your house. Your rules. He doesn't like them? He Moves out. Simples.
YANBU.
WTF is a 27 year old doing at home anyway?

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 09/07/2017 22:30

One night stand? No sodding way.

For those of you saying you were having sex at 15, in 20 years of teaching, I have rarely come across 15 year olds mature enough to handle that plus physically, you seriously risk cervical erosion. I think it's way too young.

Gunpowder · 09/07/2017 22:30

I like this thread. It reminds of hamwidge.

PollyPerky · 09/07/2017 22:41

Freckles
90% think she is being unreasonable?

Nope, don't think so! You need to improve your maths.
I think it's split 50-50 and many of the YRBU say they'd be ok with a steady GF staying over but not a one night stand.

PollyPerky · 09/07/2017 22:43

Ginger- it's cervical cancer that is more likely with early sex, not erosion. (erosion is something different that is common and nothing to do with cancer.)
But I agree with you anyway on your points (former teacher too.)

Cinderllaspinkdresswasthebest · 09/07/2017 22:45

*Gingerandgivingzerofucks Sun 09-Jul-17 22:30:11
One night stand? No sodding way.

For those of you saying you were having sex at 15, in 20 years of teaching, I have rarely come across 15 year olds mature enough to handle that plus physically, you seriously risk cervical erosion. I think it's way too young.*

I agree - I was 14 when I lost my virginity to a 17 year old boyfriend, in his 'liberal' parent's house. Unfortunately I was one of the last in my year group to have sex going by the conversations in the school toilets Shock

It has nothing to do with ages - it's respect IMO - this is my home - and yes son's too - but I wouldn't dream of bringing random men back (they'd be murdered after they got through the door due to son's protectiveness joke)

Actually that's a valid point - how do posters feel about a single parent bring a man/woman back home as a one night stand/after a few dates?

Voice0fReason · 09/07/2017 22:45

You need some ground rules that allow him room for independence and you to have undisturbed sleep.
You have to be reasonable here.