Son 27 bring girl home (1st one deleted)

[Haribogirl]

SO mumsnet emailed me and told me because I havnt answered any comments on the 1st thread people thought I was a troll.
I am most certainly not, reason why didn't reply was....
I'd written it just before I'd gone to bed, because i thought when I get up it will of maybe had some replies. Nothing else.

So fri night son comes in early hours(I half heard him)
Thought it the night I kept hearing the bathroom door being closed.
I thought he'd eaten one thing and had diarrhoea!!
So was in and out of sleep most of the night.

I woke up to hear him going down about 10ish and saying "going to get something to ear"

Partner came up to bring me coffee(he'd been up early)
So I said what the hell was all that noise with the doors last night.
He said you don't know, ..... bought a girl home, I've not slept all night with the noise and them talking and s..... till 5 ish

Well I was livid, he said he'd never do this although most of his mates do and I said no you won't.
When he came back, I went mad at him, told him he's no respect for us and if he want to do that go get a hotel room. It's our house not his and his room is still in our house.

Am I old fashioned (60)

I would want to have met the GF/BF first - I wouldn't want random one night stands in the house.

Op your getting some stick here but I understand we all have boundaries that keep us comfortable in our own home. Maybe it's time your son looked to move on to preserve the relationship he has with you. Telling him to tidy his room and not being allowed gfs over at his age will cause some serious resentment on his half.

Ok, so I'm 26 and live at home with my parents and would never dream of bringing someone home who my parents had not been introduced to, and without prior agreement. (FWIW I pay rent, act as my mothers carer and am currently house searching).

It's just common courtesy! My parents shouldn't have to worry about strangers in their house or be kept awake at night.

Past boyfriends have only been allowed to sleep over after they have been introduced to my parents. When it's a one night stand, or in the early stages of a relationship, I either go to his place or get a hotel room.

OP's rules seem exceedingly daft to me but her DS is presumably living there by choice so ultimately, he has to put up with being treated like a teenager. I had a co-worker who lived with his parents in his late twenties and he constantly whinged about his mum's rules, not realising how juvenile he sounded.

op

Will have had some replies. Not "will of"

I'd be pissed off if a one night stand was bought home and they then proceeded to bang the doors all through the night. I would ask her to leave the minute the banging became annoying.

It's hilarious people getting ratty on here about a neighbor taking a wheelie bin out at 11pm but are happy to be kept awake by a stranger, that your child has bought home.

He might be an adult and pay rent but that doesn't give him free reign to do what he likes because it's his parents house. He wouldn't be able to do what he likes and make whatever noise he likes in his own house, neighbours (probably Mumsnet ones) would soon be on here complaining about the banging doors at all hours etc etc.

And whether the OP is married or not is irrelevant. I'm guessing he isn't a one night stand nor a stranger in the home.

In our house -

you do not bring home strangers to stay in my home overnight.
you show consideration and do not keep others awake all night.

We ALL follow the same rules!

Why is a 27 year old man living at home still? Time to cut the apron strings, don't you think?

This thread illustrates... something.

From the OPs posts (including first thread) it seems she is/was infantilising her son - doing his laundry, cooking, telling him to tidy room etc. It's pretty much unanimously agreed she IBU for that.

But it doesn't mean she is completely unreasonable about everything! Having someone stay over in a shared home without prior agreement (even mentioning it), making lots of noise - these things are not ok.

As I said on your other thread, @Haribogirl, it should not come as any surprise to,you that your son is having sex, and it is not u reasonable of him to want to bring a girlfriend home to stay overnight.

However, it is also not unreasonable for you and your dp to set some house rules - the two that spring to mind are -

• no one night stands - it is not unreasonable for you not to want random strangers in your home.

• if he does have an overnight guest, they should keep the noise down, so that you can get a decent night's sleep.

I agree that bringing home a stranger is not the same as bringing home a girlfriend. He should respect your rules on that front. Since he is 27 I would suggest he finds alternative housing asap then he can live by his own rules.

Sorry - typo - it should say '...it is not unreasonable of him to want to bring a girlfriend home...'

I dont get howbyiu are 'old fashioned' but live with a man who is not your husband. Sounds like you are only old fashioned when it comes to your son.

So not cool OP - you demand (as per previous post) that your 27 year old 'cleans his room' - very belittling

He'll be Mortified and packing to leave.

Very odd behaviour from you OP.

I am the same as GloriaV. My son is 19 and still lives at home (and Uni). I have said I don't want him bringing girls home for a one night shag without introducing her (or him if he goes down that route)as I don't want to run into a stranger on my landing in the middle of the night.

All I want is an introduction first as it is my home too.

There's nothing in your posts (or in your first thread from what I remember) to say he was having sex, just the banging of the bathroom door.

OP you said in your previous thread that you had laid down the Lord? I'm an atheist but I thought for a believer that would solve all the problems.

Joking apart, I don't understand why they needed to do all the door banging to have sex. That was really inconsiderate of them.

I dont get howbyiu are 'old fashioned' but live with a man who is not your husband. Sounds like you are only old fashioned when it comes to your son

I have lived with a man who is not my husband for over 30 years...but I wouldn't let my son bring home a girl I have never seen, for a night of sex in my home.
It's not old fashioned to not want a bloody stranger in your house overnight!
Some of you are completely missing the bloody point.

I know they probably were shagging, but there's nothing in the OP's post so say they definitely were having sex.

YANBU your son should not have kept you both awake all night and shouldn't have brought a stranger back to your house for a random shag.

I don't think it's an age thing and I understand your respect comment.
They are your morals and values and what happens in your home is up to you, I totally agree.
Whatever the age my dc weren't/ aren't allowed to bring anyone back until they are a regular irlfriend and together for a year.
Eldest would stay round his now partners parents home until the year was marked. They are together in their own home now.
Ds2 was 21 and after the year his gf comes over here as when he goes to hers they still have to have separate rooms. Her mum is a Chritian and secondary school teacher and wants to set a good example to her younger siblings and I quite agree.
It's not old fahioned just different values and morals.

You are old fashioned lol

So how do you expect him to ever have a long term relationship?
Goodluck having a good relationship with him ( and your future mil)

Dil*