Son 27 bring girl home (1st one deleted)

[Haribogirl]

SO mumsnet emailed me and told me because I havnt answered any comments on the 1st thread people thought I was a troll.
I am most certainly not, reason why didn't reply was....
I'd written it just before I'd gone to bed, because i thought when I get up it will of maybe had some replies. Nothing else.

So fri night son comes in early hours(I half heard him)
Thought it the night I kept hearing the bathroom door being closed.
I thought he'd eaten one thing and had diarrhoea!!
So was in and out of sleep most of the night.

I woke up to hear him going down about 10ish and saying "going to get something to ear"

Partner came up to bring me coffee(he'd been up early)
So I said what the hell was all that noise with the doors last night.
He said you don't know, ..... bought a girl home, I've not slept all night with the noise and them talking and s..... till 5 ish

Well I was livid, he said he'd never do this although most of his mates do and I said no you won't.
When he came back, I went mad at him, told him he's no respect for us and if he want to do that go get a hotel room. It's our house not his and his room is still in our house.

Am I old fashioned (60)

Yes you are old fashioned. Of course, this could be a ploy to get the him to move out of the house. Adults have sex. Parents need to realise their adult children do this kind of thing.

Haribo I am your age and am not old fashioned. This is nothing to do with your age.

Could you answer this please...

Your son is 27. Has he always lived at home? If he is not a virgin, where has he had sex before? Cars? Fields? Girls homes?

If he has always lived with you - and not been away to uni and come back- you ought to have established some ground rules maybe 10 years ago? Assume he saw girls as a teenager?

I find your post odd because it implies he has not had a girlfriend before or never brought anyone home even just to meet you.

So, the topic of some girl staying overnight has never cropped up.

Is this it?

My children are older than your son. They don't live at home now. I'd not allow a one night stand under my roof . I'd not allow noisy sex till 5am. I'd expect to have had some kind of chat about this before it happened.

Your son sounds inconsiderate, to say the least.

But you sound a bit of a drama lama to come onto a forum when the person you need to talk to is your son (and your partner.)

You need a Family Conference round the table over what is acceptable to you all.

How long has he lived at home, is this a new thing?

Had you never discussed this with him? Or have you accidentally said something that gave the impression this was ok (like said "this is your home too, you can come and go as you please.").

Have a conversation, think carefully about what your objection is. If your objection is "I don't expect my 27 year old son to have a sex life" then it's probably not going to go very well. If it's "I don't want overnight guests without being warned first." or "I don't want any overnight guests." then say so, but don't get upset if he wants to move out.

Op not coming back again?

I'm 52 by the way. Other than that, I'm very easy going! 🙂

Your thread was a bit ridiculous so should have probably stayed deleted. Also, you've disappeared again which makes no sense tbh.

Not sure what's so important about this that you bothered to submit the post again, loads of people told you last time that you were being unreasonable.

I find it odd that your son still lives at home at 27, but that aside, I find it even odder that you object to him bringing a girl home. Where else is he supposed to go? Is this not his house too? How has this adversely affected you?

No problem with bringing the girlfriend home but would have a problem with selfishly making a noise and waking people up.

I am 62.

Hope the OP hasn't gone to bed again.

Nope! Sorry. I don't allow one-night stands either. Regular bfs/gfs are very welcome though.

I think bringing a drunken one night stand home for a shag is very disrespectful.

Bringing a girl home - fine.
Keeping your partner awake all night - not fine.

Talk to him, and agree ground rules.

I don't think you are being unreasonable - I don't think it is at all respectful for your DS - whatever age - to bring a 'date' back for sex in your home.

It is a totally different matter if he was in a long term relationship and agreed with you before hand that he was inviting his girlfriend home but just to rock up with a 'new' girlfriend is just rude.

As others have said, 'your house, your rules' and if he doesn't like them he can leave home.

And why is it up to the mother to 'facilitate' her son's sex life ?

No, you are not old fashioned. Your house, your rules.

If it was a long term girlfriend, I would expect her to stay over occasionally. If it is some random/ONS, no way.

I like to know whose in my house overnight, thank you.

*who's not whose. Grrr.

Right I posted on the last thread. I'm almost 60, I have a son similar age who did exactly same a while back. (Like many others he can't afford to move out yet)I was pleased because I've been worried about his lack of a love life (works nights and never goes out), but apart from that it barely crossed my mind. When I was in my going out and shagging days (even when I'd met dh) I felt that I couldn't bring men back because of unspoken disapproval from dps, I swore I'd never be that parent. We have brought them up to be sensible, respectful of others and this will be their home as long as they need, their friends are always welcome and that includes gas/bfs.
But your house etc.

YABU sorry OP. Your lad is 27 and has a right to privacy and a sex life.

I assume he is paying his keep is he?

Also, your age is irrelevant. I know 70 year olds who are as cool as a cucumber about most things, and 39 year olds who are stiffer than a dead piece of cardboard that's been covered in varnish.

As a few people have said, the OP hasn't buggared off again as she? If she has, that's bad form!

Do you think the Op has gone to bed again?

Is this going to be Mumsnet version of Groundhog Day - the OP will only return when she gets the answer she wants.

Girlfriend / boyfriend, fine.
Random you just met that night - not in my house.
I didn't need that telling to me as a youngster (although I'm not much older than the son in this scenario, it's a decade since I lived with my parents).
It's disrespectful to have unknown overnight guests at no notice. If I am cock blocking my kids (in 10 + years time) so be it.

Did you lay down the Lord to him OP?

Well, if you aren't married to your partner, you can't be that old fashioned

I'm 63 and yes you are very old fashioned and unreasonable. Your attitude reminds me of the mother in Ronnie Corbet's sitcom Sorry!

OP keeps lighting the touch paper and buggering off. OP!!!!! Oi!!!!! We're over here! You started a thread, remember??

Like i said on your last thread, if he is paying rent, then he should be able to bring back whoever he wants to his own room. It's his home, and he's paying to live there. If he was in a flat share paying rent for a room he could bring girls back for sex every night if he wanted. He wasn't shagging her in the kitchen, he was in his own bedroom. Also, if he's paying rent, one thing you mentioned on your last thread but not this one is in the morning you had a go about his room being a mess and to clean it. That is also none of your business what state he keeps his room if he's paying rent to live with you.

He is 27... it is his home as well as yours.... would you prefer he had sex in the garden since you don't want him to have sex in his own bedroom

Yes YABU very

I think if she was a one night stand yanbu
Otherwise yabu

I wouldn't be happy if my ds brought a stranger into my house. Regular girlfriend fine.