Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine for DS (17) and DD (15) to share a hotel room?

278 replies

singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:43

We are going to Australia to stay with friends via various Asian countries this summer.

I was chatting to a friend about our plans - the majority of the holiday will be spent with friends where DD will share with our friend's daughter and DS our friend's son.

The hotel stops on the way out and back (5 nights total) DD (who is 15) and DS (who is 17) will be sharing a hotel room.

I told my friend this and she was horrified that they would be sharing. Really? At what age did people stop their DC sharing on holidays like this?

OP posts:
budgiegirl · 09/07/2017 23:54

I love DB but at that age no thanks to sharing a room with him. They're not kids. & its perfectly possible that as a developing girl she may feel self-conscious, has that not occurred to you?

Again, it's not the DC who have complained. It's a friend. We have no reason to think that the DC mind about it.

Mustang27 · 09/07/2017 23:57

@eausofresh yip that's horrifying, better a parent had to listen to that.

MistressDeeCee · 09/07/2017 23:57

Mummyoflittledragon apologies that was meant to be flowers..dont know what happened there. Yes from experience I know there are mothers that dislike their daughters. & are very selective re what they remember about distress caused during childhood and teen years. Going NC brings peace eventually.

Dogwalks2 · 10/07/2017 00:15

To add to my last comment my two are similar ages and like you I don't even think about it and neither do they. Who are all these wealthy parents that as well as paying term time fees for holidays can add in single rooms. Our last holiday to Asia cost 12grand was an amazing experience but we could never have done it with separate rooms for the children. It was a special holiday for a special celebration and we wanted to have our kids with us.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 10/07/2017 00:17

From my perspective I'm a single parent with 3 DSs. To afford to take them on holiday one DS usually has to share with me. They prefer to share a double bed with me than with each other. (They used to take it in turns but now it's usually the youngest.)

This summer I'm taking the oldest (19) away to a European city for a short break while the other 2 go away with their father. We will be sharing a room, hopefully twin beds. He is completely unbothered. There's a bathroom for privacy when changing.

I think it's fine for your DC to share for a few nights, I'm sure they'll put up with it for a great holiday.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 10/07/2017 01:29

I'd share with DD and get DS to share with DH - goood opp for quality alone time with kids

That is the obvious solution. It is only 5 nights so I can't see why OP and her husband should object to splitting up.

paxillin · 10/07/2017 01:32

But the kids haven't complained, why should they split up??

yourerubberimglue · 10/07/2017 01:38

Sure ... they're siblings ... it's not like she would change a tampon or anything in her room rather than the bathroom and vice Versa for anything he does privately

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 10/07/2017 01:46

But the kids haven't complained, why should they split up??

I don't think the children have been asked. I don't see what is so outrageous suggesting the female parent shares with the daughter and male with the son.

My DC are not adults   they are both children legally! Your son is 17. He can leave school, leave home without your consent and in Scotland can get married without your consent. A 17 year old is not a child.

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/07/2017 02:17

I shared with my brother whenever we went on holiday with family, even into our 20s. We don't get on that well and never did, but I have no more problem sharing with my brother than I do with any of my female friends (I always prefer a separate room if I can have one though). We knew how to give each other privacy and were for some reason much better behaved to each other when we were sharing rooms on holiday.

But I think you need to ask them. It's not always OK. Some children are not well behaved to their siblings and the sibling deserves consideration and protection from their family as much as from others. And it's not something they'll necessarily feel able to bring up if they aren't given the space and permission to. I would be annoyed with them if it were bickering in the 6-of-one-half-a-dozen-of-the-other sort of way that stopped them being happy to share a room though. At those ages they really ought to be able to treat each other civilly enough.

ICJump · 10/07/2017 02:27

When my parents book and pay for hotel rooms I sleep where they put me.

Sometimes that's in a twin share room.

I've never had a problem with it. Neither has my brother.

paxillin · 10/07/2017 02:34

When my parents book and pay for hotel rooms I sleep where they put me

Exactly. True even now, in my 40s.

herecomesthsun · 10/07/2017 05:13

If you use Air bnb you might be able to get a place with 3 beds for the same or less cost as/ than the hotel.

Lilly11a · 10/07/2017 05:26

Currently sharing a hotel room with my ds (16) and dbro (30) and its fine.

we have 2 singles and a pull out bed . another room would have been another £50 a night

famousfour · 10/07/2017 05:33

It would never have crossed my mind that a typical brother and sister could not share a room at that age. Why ever not really? Why can a girl not dry her hair and put on make up on In the same room as her brother? What do people do - buy separate rooms for their children on every holiday? I have a boy and a girl so now pondering this... I find it all a bit odd.

That said my children are not teenagers yet. My nearest sibling was a sister and my brother was much younger so never an issue for me. Plus we never went on family holidays as teenagers. I guess if I really thought it was a problem then I might revisit my views and mix the adults and children up. Same if I had two teenage girls or boys who did not get on.

Btw hotels would really police whether a dad was sharing a room with his daughter or a mother with her son? On what possible basis?

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/07/2017 06:05

Thank you MistressDeeCee Smile. I'm low contact most of the time. She's been here this weekend. Going home today thank goodness! I have made a choice not to be no contact. It's a hard one. She is a better grandparent than mother. Dd only has a paternal grandfather abroad, who doesn't really bother about her or know how interact with her. With my brother and wife being shit, my mother is the only close family, who bothers about dd. And having contact with family members however flawed is important for children.

Itwillbefine · 10/07/2017 06:10

I would have share clothes with my brother at that age, he's 2 years older than me too. But then we're quite close. We went on holiday together in our early 20s, just the 2 of us, I don't remember even getting changed being a problem. We always shared on family holidays.

Itwillbefine · 10/07/2017 06:11

Clothes?? Not sure where that came from.

LoniceraJaponica · 10/07/2017 06:19

It isn't the sharing per se, but the OP's domineering attitude towards her daughter that bothers me. "You do as I say because I'm paying, and I won't take your feelings into account". This needs to be discussed with her, not just told.

mammymammyIRL · 10/07/2017 06:23

You'll ask mumsnet what we think but won't talk to your dc about it & it affects them no one else! What does your dh say?

Lillygreen · 10/07/2017 06:32

I shared a small room with my parents only a couple of years ago! It meant a free trip to the Caribbean on an uncomfortable sofa bed. I'd rather be in the Caribbean sharing a room than to not have gone.
I'm sure your children appreciate the wonderful generous holiday you have planned for them 😊

Have a lovely time

OliviaStabler · 10/07/2017 06:45

YABU. Offer your dc a choice of them sharing or having a girls room and a boys room.

Oblomov17 · 10/07/2017 07:06

It wouldn't occur to me for this to be a problem. Eg, the dd can get changed into your pyjamas in the bathroom, for privacy reasons. For a day or two. It's only a few days. Some compromise. Or else it ends up costing another £1000+. Totally fine.

LoniceraJaponica · 10/07/2017 07:11

And other people's personal experiences are just that. They aren't the OP's daughter.

illegitimateMortificadospawn · 10/07/2017 07:18

If they aren't keen to share, can't you share with your daughter and your husband with your son for the few days it matters. I didn't like your reference to your son "dominating" your daughter & I could understand if she didn't want to share.