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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine for DS (17) and DD (15) to share a hotel room?

278 replies

singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:43

We are going to Australia to stay with friends via various Asian countries this summer.

I was chatting to a friend about our plans - the majority of the holiday will be spent with friends where DD will share with our friend's daughter and DS our friend's son.

The hotel stops on the way out and back (5 nights total) DD (who is 15) and DS (who is 17) will be sharing a hotel room.

I told my friend this and she was horrified that they would be sharing. Really? At what age did people stop their DC sharing on holidays like this?

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 09/07/2017 21:02

she should be prepared to pay more money if it means making sure there is family harmony

That assumes firstly that she has it, secondly that its not reasonable to expect two near adults to broker living together. I disagree particularly that the second is an unreasonable request.

Only the OP knows the true dynamics of the relationships.

My eldest could be a bit bossy at times (or maybe you would call that domineering) and the youngest could be a bit of an attention seeking whinger. That is a common pattern.
They all varied from day to day and as they grew. None of this was outside the dynamics of growing kids carving out their own space. First threat from another kid and they line up together.

As adults who can afford otherwise they would unhesitatingly bunk up even now to get a better hotel/location etc. More importantly they learned to share and live together.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/07/2017 21:05

many in the UK won't allow a room with no adults in it.

Yes but unless this has changed recently that tends to be under 14s or similar so the DS here would qualify. We certainly had sharing siblings without an adult in teh room from about 12 - or we would have needed extra accompanying adults with us.

Migraleve · 09/07/2017 21:05

No I won't ask them. We pay the bills, we make the decision. End of

Omg what an attitude Hmm Are you always so dismissive of their feelings?

LogicalPsycho · 09/07/2017 21:06

You don't think it's odd for an adult man to share a bed with his adult sister? It is odd.

Your own DS is 17, a couple of months off being a man.
Don't you think it's odd for an adult man to share a bed with his teenage sister?

Migraleve · 09/07/2017 21:06

Meant to add, we just do a girl room and a boy room when we go away. I share with the girls (teen and under 8) and DH shares with the boys (also teen and under 8)

paxillin · 09/07/2017 21:12

I wouldn't ask them either unless I was prepared (and financially able) to book an extra room. It allows your family the holiday of a lifetime and I wouldn't want to drop that because my teens might squabble.

Mysterycat23 · 09/07/2017 21:14

I once ruined a family holiday by kicking my brother in the mouth and shattering one of his teeth, requiring expensive and highly inconvenient emergency dental treatment.

I was kicking him because we had been forced to top and tail in a bed and were therefore fighting like cats in a sack over who was taking up too much of it.

HTH.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/07/2017 21:17

dot dot

I do appreciate that. And I'm not trying to project. The ops attitude and language is similar to my mother. The description of her dd and her choice of words such as "end of" are exactly the same as mine spouts.

dotdotdotmustdash · 09/07/2017 21:24

*Another poster above sounds as if they have a similar dynamic above where the son is cruel to the daughter and the daughter is so-called winy about it.

In either case, why on earth not step in as the parent and do something about it? Why is it ok for one child to be unkind to the other sibling? It wouldn't be acceptable in a school environment, if Child A was cruel/domineering/bullying towards Child B, it would be raised by the school staff for action, why is it ok when the 'victim' happens to be a sibling?*

Of course we, as parents, step in! My DB an I had the same dynamic as my two DC, both with a 2yr age gap. He bullied and I cried and whined about the tiniest of infraction. It's a story as old as time for siblings. Only time can cure immature reactions and as the years have passed my DB and I have got along fine, just as my two are improving in their dealings with each other. I certainly didn't let it spoil our holidays - they were both firmly spoken to when it happened, just as they still are.

budgiegirl · 09/07/2017 21:26

No, if you're 15, you are not 'accepting' a holiday. It's not like she can stay at home alone for weeks is it?

Possibly not, unlesss she can stay with a relative. But my kids know that if they want to go on an expensive family holiday, then they need to share. Otherwise we just don't go on the holiday. My DC argue and wind each other up, but they can manage to share a room for a few nights if it means a fancier holiday.

I expect that if the OP really believed they couldn't manage to share, then she wouldn't make this arrangement.

Smitff · 09/07/2017 21:35

Hotels on this sort of holiday are for sleeping and showering in. Your DD or DD can use your bathroom if there's drama there. If they can't even bear to watch tv for an hour between dinner and bed, one can go into your room. But otherwise they share the same room and think about the financial savings for the family. If they're adult enough to have views on this which they want taken seriously, they're old enough to think about the bigger picture.

Pandering to children like this has just gotten out of hand. What the parents say, goes until they're old enough to take responsibility for themselves.

Gubbins · 09/07/2017 21:37

I took my family on a "trip of a lifetime" a couple of years ago. Some places all four of us shared a room, in other places my kids (who aren't particularly fond of each other) shared one room and my husband and I another.

While I'm sure their ideal, money no object holiday would have included separate suites and infinity pools at every stop they know that they live in the real world, not Lala Land. And given the choice between shared rooms on a round the world trip or seperate rooms in a north wales b&b, I'm pretty sure they're happy with the choices I made; they certainly still talk about what an awesome trip it was. I personally would have liked to have travelled first class, but like most people have to get the best possible experiences while still living within our means.

MajesticWhine · 09/07/2017 21:38

I don't really think it is ok. Basing that on my relationship with my own brother. But OP has already made her mind up. So why ask?

Ontheboardwalk · 09/07/2017 21:49

I get on brilliantly with my brother now but when we were younger we fought like cat and dog.

At 15 the thought of sharing with him would have made me feel ill.

No privacy, no relaxation my idea of hell.

It's more than a room to sleep. We'd have been fighting about what show to watch, what time the lights go on and off, why you going fir a wee in the middle if the night and turning the light on and flushing etc etc.

If the two of them are keeping each other up all night it's hardly going to be a pleasant holiday for anyone with two grumpy teens who aren't getting on

paxillin · 09/07/2017 21:58

But these are just the stopover hotels, different one every night probably and 5 nights in total. Someone who cannot share would have to stay at granny's house instead of Australia in our family, we don't have the money to take a room each.

Co1onelblimp · 09/07/2017 22:07

Pax 'Maybe the kids would prefer to stay at granny''s house,. This seems to be all about the OP and her holiday of a lifetime!

Awholelotofhot · 09/07/2017 22:12

Your poor daughter - no wonder she is 'histrionic' if this is the way you consider her feelings versus the brother she 'doesn't get' but that you clearly do......this whole thread makes me feel sad

FreakinDeacon · 09/07/2017 22:15

I think it's odd that you haven't had a discussion about it with them. Agreed that parents as the paying adults have the final say but it would be considerate to at least ask them how they feel about sharing. Isn't that what a family does? Consider each other's feelings?

LoniceraJaponica · 09/07/2017 22:21

No I won't ask them. We pay the bills, we make the decision. End of Hmm

You sound like DD’s boyfriend’s parents. Their two are the same age and they get treated like children 10 years younger than they are. They get told things that I would ask my nearly 17 year old daughter about. They are nearly adults. Perhaps you should treat them with a little more respect and understanding. Hmm back at you.

I agree with the suggestion that you and your daughter share and your husband shares with your son.

SmokyRobinson · 09/07/2017 22:25

I think it's fine, and understand the 'not asking them' as well. As a child, my brother and I always shared, and we never questioned it.

My dcs now share as well (happily) and never question it either. Its just the way it is when we go on holiday.
I wouldn't ask them to share, we would just talk about the trip as a family and tell them we had booked two rooms for those nights and be talking about the things we'd like to do in those cities - the sleeping arrangements would not be so important, I guess.

AntiopeofThemyscira · 09/07/2017 22:29

No I won't ask them. We pay the bills, we make the decision. End of 

My parents were like this - "we are in charge if you don't like it there's the door!" That kind of dismissive and disrespectful treatment ruins family bonds. I've seen it time and time again.

Urubu · 09/07/2017 22:33

An ex boyfriend told me that he and his sister were made to share a bed once on holiday and for some reason things started being weird and she gave him a handjob and he didn't stop her Confused apparently they were pre-teens and never mentioned it afterwards etc. I met the sister, and even though I couldn't be sure, I teld to believe thenstory was true.
I am sure lots of brothers/sisters share rooms or even beds on odd occasions but since I heard this I would avoid it at all costs.

Ontheboardwalk · 09/07/2017 22:34

They are 15 and 17, I wouldn't class them as children.

They are turning into adults and going through all sorts of emotions. If they aren't getting on with each other now, being in confinement with each other isn't going to help.

Mnet is full of married people not being able to share a room/bathroom let all alone siblings

LordPercy · 09/07/2017 22:36

We're just back from a week in Spain and my eldest two are the same age and shared a room with no issues. Either of them could have shared with their 8 yo brother and instead shared with us but they chose to share. My DS1 is almost 18 and DD is almost 16.

Pigface1 · 09/07/2017 22:40

OP: AIBU?

Other posters: YA possibly BU. It depends on X, Y and Z.

OP: It wouldn't occur to me to take X, Y and Z into account. I am most definitely not BU because I am Their Mother and Because I Say So.

Why even bother posting?

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