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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine for DS (17) and DD (15) to share a hotel room?

278 replies

singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:43

We are going to Australia to stay with friends via various Asian countries this summer.

I was chatting to a friend about our plans - the majority of the holiday will be spent with friends where DD will share with our friend's daughter and DS our friend's son.

The hotel stops on the way out and back (5 nights total) DD (who is 15) and DS (who is 17) will be sharing a hotel room.

I told my friend this and she was horrified that they would be sharing. Really? At what age did people stop their DC sharing on holidays like this?

OP posts:
Themoonhatesthestars · 09/07/2017 22:41

I personally don't think it's odd as we've done this pretty much every holiday we went on, however I get on with my brother and we knew and respected each others ground rules. It was always twin beds and getting changed in the bathroom is no big deal.

However, if they really don't get on I would have them in separate rooms with a parent each just to save the hassle.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/07/2017 22:41

"I don't do any of that in the bathroom Gwenhwyfar I use the dressing table with the big mirror and hairdryer. I certainly don't get ready for bed in the bathroom. confused"

Sparkling, but you would if you were sharing is my point!
I still agree that after a certain age you don't have mixed sex bedrooms, except for couples or big groups (if all agree).

wictional · 09/07/2017 22:42

We did girls and boys if we had to do hotels. One holiday I had to share with my DB (20, me 24) but this was only because of accessibility issues for my elderly grandfather - otherwise I was going to have a room to myself! Having said that, all four of us used to sleep in one tent on most of our holidays, so we were used to lumping it. I much preferred my own space for mh reasons.

Some families will share happily, but every situation is different. If your DD feels uncomfortable around her DB then I suggest you do girls/boys for the night.

TBH the lack of respect you've shown for your DC is staggering. I agree with the PP who've warned about the ramifications of this ruining your trip. YABU.

Smitff · 09/07/2017 22:42

It's only 5 days/nights!

budgiegirl · 09/07/2017 22:47

I agree with the PP who've warned about the ramifications of this ruining your trip

Presumably the OP knows her DC well enough to know if they can manage to share for 5 nights. It's not the DC who have objected to sharing (as far as we know), but a friend of the OP who was horrified. Plenty of DC are able to share perfectly happily, or at least manage to put up with each other for a few days.

paxillin · 09/07/2017 22:56

Teenage children sharing a hotel room on an expensive holiday is so utterly normal and expected I wouldn't have asked them, either. Not because I am a control freak, but for the same reason I don't ask them if I should replace their oyster card with a Lamborghini.

Perhaps MN is just full of investment bankers on six-figure salaries, premier league footballers and heiresses for whom money really is no object.

mum11970 · 09/07/2017 22:57

My ds 19 and dd 16 would have no worries sharing a room for a few days. I shared a room with ds on holiday last year with no problems, one of us just left the room while the other dressed or put underwear on in the bathroom.

BarbedBloom · 09/07/2017 23:04

I think there is a difference between having the final say and giving them no say at all and dismissing their opinions entirely. You can take their opinions into account, explain that they share a room or don't go, but I do think the attitude you have is going to cause you problems in your relationships long term.

At that age I would rather have not gone at all than share with my brother as we just did not get on at all. We wouldn't even sit in the same room without arguing. We get on fine now.

My father was very like you. He was the adult, he paid the bills and we were just to do what we were told and appreciate what we were given. When I became 18 he was suddenly interested in my opinion, as though some magic switch had been pulled. Of course, by then I no longer cared to share it with him.

minnymoobear · 09/07/2017 23:11

I'd share with DD and get DS to share with DH - goood opp for quality alone time with kids.

Mammylamb · 09/07/2017 23:13

Just ask them how they feel about it

dotdotdotmustdash · 09/07/2017 23:16

Just ask them how they feel about it

And if they don't want to share they can stay behind and miss an amazing trip or they can choose to spend their own savings/birthday/Christmas money on a separate room for themselves for 5 nights of stopovers.

Sounds reasonable.

Voice0fReason · 09/07/2017 23:21

Domineering? I don't know..that's her take. She can be histrionic, they've never get on. She doesn't really 'get' him.
So you think it's ok to force her into sharing a room with young man like that? You are telling her that she has to ignore her own discomfort and put up with it.

I would have hated it and my parents would never have done that to me, but then they cared about how I felt.

If you can't afford a holiday that protects her boundaries then you can't afford the holiday.

Joinourclub · 09/07/2017 23:22

No I won't ask them. We pay the bills, we make the decision. End of.

Have fun kids!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/07/2017 23:23

They are siblings and they can change and shower privately . They will be sleeping in the same room bacially .

Really not an issue

paxillin · 09/07/2017 23:24

If you can't afford a holiday that protects her boundaries then you can't afford the holiday.

But the DD didn't complain! Neither did the DS. A (probably richer) friend was horrified, that's all.

MistressDeeCee · 09/07/2017 23:33

You said DS is domineering with DD and she doesn't like it. I really dislike the sound of that tbh. Why can't you share with DD & your DH with DS? I love DB but at that age no thanks to sharing a room with him. They're not kids. & its perfectly possible that as a developing girl she may feel self-conscious, has that not occurred to you? Then again you've said that what you say goes...does she get a say in between that and the domineering DB Hmm

MistressDeeCee · 09/07/2017 23:41

It would make more sense for me to share with DS and DH to share with DD

"Spits out tea and waits for the sensible repliers"

Im beginning to understand why your friend had a word, OP. Actually hoping your post is a wind up tho

MistressDeeCee · 09/07/2017 23:44

MummyoflittledragonFlowers

rightwhine · 09/07/2017 23:48

Imo needs must, when it comes to expensive hotel rooms and free holidays, however if they really don't get on it may be easier to do the mum dd thing, and dad ds thing.

eausofresh · 09/07/2017 23:49

I had to share with my older brother on holiday and it was just horrible, he would masturbate at night when he thought I was asleep, not explicitly or to make me uncomfortable but it was awful being in the room and knowing it was happening. I would just freeze in bed and pretend to be sleeping and wait for it to be over. It happened on every holiday throughout my teens and it's a terrible thing for a young girl to experience.

Mustang27 · 09/07/2017 23:49

You share with your dd husband share with your son. Even if they got on it's not great. I loved my brothers but at this age it would have made me uncomfortable especially if I was on my period. Your friend is right and you should have discussed it with them.

rightwhine · 09/07/2017 23:52

She wasn't really suggesting she herself sleeps with ds,, she's just saying if it's down to getting on well, that would be the the best solution, therefore her sharing with dd is no better than the two of them sharing. So they may as well share.

paxillin · 09/07/2017 23:52

But why should OP change arrangements when none of the participants have complained at all? The only thing against this arrangement is a throwaway comment by a friend of OP (not even a friend of the teens). Do you routinely change what your family does and thinks off as normal because a friend thinks it weird Confused?

Ohyesiam · 09/07/2017 23:54

Sound like you don't like your daughter much. I feel sorry for her, it's really hard if your mum's not got your back.

Dogwalks2 · 09/07/2017 23:54

Just read this and I have two kids son and daughter and if they want separate rooms as they get older they can pay the supplement. Hadn't even given it a thought till this post. They are lucky they are getting a holiday loads of kids don't,