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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine for DS (17) and DD (15) to share a hotel room?

278 replies

singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:43

We are going to Australia to stay with friends via various Asian countries this summer.

I was chatting to a friend about our plans - the majority of the holiday will be spent with friends where DD will share with our friend's daughter and DS our friend's son.

The hotel stops on the way out and back (5 nights total) DD (who is 15) and DS (who is 17) will be sharing a hotel room.

I told my friend this and she was horrified that they would be sharing. Really? At what age did people stop their DC sharing on holidays like this?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 09/07/2017 17:54

Also worth remembering if they spend the time they are forced to be together bickering that isn't going to be a good start for a pleasant family holiday

AntiopeofThemyscira · 09/07/2017 17:54

Thank you all. Glad to hear some sensible comments.

I.e. Ones that agree with you Grin

Original poster
singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:55

No I won't ask them. We pay the bills, we make the decision. End of Hmm

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 09/07/2017 17:56

What, exactly does "he can be quite domineering with her" mean?

If there is the slightest chance that he'd not respect her boundaries, you shouldn't do this.

It all depends, really. As long as there's a bathroom I don't mind sharing rooms with men in principle, but that is only true for men I know respect my boundaries.
Strangers or men whose moral integrity I have reason to doubt, I would never ever share a room with. (Being related to them is secondary. There's men in my extended family I do not trust)

Since you are travelling to foreign countries and your friends from one of those countries are horrified, you should check with the hotel if they are fine with this.

They might well not be. Your children are almost adults, and in fact are legal adults in some countries.

khajiit13 · 09/07/2017 17:56

Ask them. As a teen I'd have hated it and the better option to me seems that mum shares with DD and dad shares with DS. But you should ask them really

Sushi123 · 09/07/2017 17:56

Why don't you share with dd and dh share with ds?

Bizzysocks · 09/07/2017 17:56

I always shared with my db, I didn't question it. I shared with him when we were early 20's and stayed a night in a hotel for my grandads funeral. Twin room though I would want to share a bed.

I don't get the problem. We just changed in the bathroom.

amicissimma · 09/07/2017 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 09/07/2017 17:57

Why start the thread then? Hmm

Sparklingbrook · 09/07/2017 17:57

It wouldn't be nice for them to look back and say 'well it would have been the holiday of a lifetime but we were made to share a room by our parents and we hated it. Plus our parents kept saying 'we're the parents and what we say goes'.

alltouchedout · 09/07/2017 17:57

Ohhhhhkaaaaay.

Sparklingbrook · 09/07/2017 17:58

No I won't ask them. We pay the bills, we make the decision. End of hmm

Hmm indeed.

Original poster
singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:58

You don't think it's odd for an adult man to share a bed with his adult sister? It is odd.

Domineering? I don't know..that's her take. She can be histrionic, they've never get on. She doesn't really 'get' him.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 09/07/2017 17:58

I find the horror of room/bed sharing on MN yet another strange phenomenon that I just don't encounter in RL

That's probably because, on average, Mumsnetters are much wealthier than your average person so don't need to compromise or look to save money as much as the average person.

It could be that sharing a room makes the trip affordable for the OP and single rooms for the 2 DCs is a significant extra costs. I don't see any problem with the OPs plan btw, a single room each for the DCs sounds quite an extravagent option really. Sharing a room doesn't stop them changing in private and if DS treats DD disrespectfully, that's a different issue.

If the DCs refuse to share, the obvious option would be for them to share DS with DF and DD with DM. Especially as it's only 5 days out of a longer trip. Obviously the parents shouldn't give up their privacy for their DCs for the whole trip.

NapQueen · 09/07/2017 17:59

One night at the start and one night at the end? Id offer them the choice. Share or one each with mum and dad.

Why be so draconian?

khajiit13 · 09/07/2017 17:59

They're 15-17, how can you not care about there opinions? Hmm

sparechange · 09/07/2017 17:59

Surely in this situation, the room is just somewhere to sleep

They won't be spending much time in there when they aren't both asleep?

The holiday of the lifetime aspect is all the amazing things I would see during the day, all the meals out as a family etc
As long as the room is clean and comfortable, and I feel safe, the sleeping aspect is a non-feature

As long as one of them doesn't snore/sleep talk/insist on staying up late watching tv

Sirzy · 09/07/2017 17:59

Would you happily share a room for 5 nights with someone you don't get on with?

I don't think most people have any issue with siblings sharing in general. But forcing siblings who don't get on to share sounds like a recipe for a very miserable holiday.

Notthisnotthat · 09/07/2017 18:00

We holiday with family a lot, I think the only person I've not shared a room with is my brother in law! That one sits weird with me, but brothers, sisters, mum, dad, nieces and nephews, as long as I have a bed I'm not fussed who I share with. No-one has volunteered to share a room with me and 2 year old dd on our next holiday as she is waking at 5am at the moment!

Sparklingbrook · 09/07/2017 18:00

I think it's really harsh to not ask their opinion. One is nearly an adult. They should have a say.

Noteventhebestdrummer · 09/07/2017 18:00

They won't ask you your opinion when they choose your nursing home, OP!

Why should they? Wink

Sparklingbrook · 09/07/2017 18:02

I do think 'sensible replies only from people that agree with me' should have been stipulated in the OP. Grin

Smartiepants79 · 09/07/2017 18:02

It's just part of family life isn't it.
You'd have to be very well off to be able to afford to make this into an issue.

Does it matter what they think? Even if they hate the idea there isn't an alternative is there? This is what has to happen to be able to afford to go at all.
They're just going to have to get on with it.
As an absolute last resort you and Your DH could share, one with each child.

Sparklingbrook · 09/07/2017 18:03

Of course it matters what they think. They aren't little children.

VestalVirgin · 09/07/2017 18:03

Surely in this situation, the room is just somewhere to sleep

Exactly.

I can't sleep in a room with someone who is violent towards me during the day. How could you ever feel safe, being asleep while someone you can't trust is in the room?
You should be able to trust a sibling, but that's not always the case.

Domineering? I don't know..that's her take. She can be histrionic, they've never get on. She doesn't really 'get' him.

You don't seem to like her much. Confused