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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine for DS (17) and DD (15) to share a hotel room?

278 replies

singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:43

We are going to Australia to stay with friends via various Asian countries this summer.

I was chatting to a friend about our plans - the majority of the holiday will be spent with friends where DD will share with our friend's daughter and DS our friend's son.

The hotel stops on the way out and back (5 nights total) DD (who is 15) and DS (who is 17) will be sharing a hotel room.

I told my friend this and she was horrified that they would be sharing. Really? At what age did people stop their DC sharing on holidays like this?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2017 11:10

Nothing would surprise me...

user1495451339 · 10/07/2017 11:17

It's not an issue really though if they really object can you share with your daughter instead? We are always together in tents on our holidays so I wouldn't have thought of it as a major issue!

However, my older brother would not have shared with me under any circumstance! He won't even invite us to his flat as he hates people in his personal space!

kittensinmydinner1 · 10/07/2017 11:34

Another MN parallel universe. !
No. My teenage DC/SDC do NOT get consulted on the room configurations on holiday.
If it's a house rental/villa then they sort it out amongst themselves when we get there. We pay. Therefore their DF/DSF pick our room. I will not be sharing any bedrooms with ANY kids, be it dc or dsc. They are not bloody toddlers. If their dad and I are paying for their holiday and a compromise has to be made - it is this ;
Don't want to share with your brother/sister.? don't want to sleep on a sofa..? staying in a hotel where separation by sex means 3 rooms (8 kids 6 girls 2 boys)or by age groups means two rooms, then until they pay the bill, you lump it or don't come. ! No wonder kids end up so bloody entitled, if everyone is pandering to nonsense.

Your friend is either made of money and doesn't realise everyone else is as well..
Otherwise she's just bonkers.

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2017 11:43

Blimey kittens you sound very cross.

dotdotdotmustdash · 10/07/2017 12:01

I imagine in millions of homes in 3rd world countries there are whole families sharing one room to eat, sleep, dress and cook in. To refuse to do so would mean homelessness and probably death. We are so entitled in our society.

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2017 12:04

That has nothing to do with this thread. At all.

RebelRogue · 10/07/2017 12:13

Your friend is either made of money and doesn't realise everyone else is as well..
Otherwise she's just bonkers.

Or she sees the dynamic between the "domineering" brother and "histioronic" sister better than OP and is concerned for the daughter.

We don't know if it's simple sibling rivalry/antics at play here or more.

Original poster
singaporeslingshot · 10/07/2017 12:19

I actually had an exchange with my friend last night, having taken on board all of your comments.

Said friend is actually a counsellor (snake oil merchant Wink but I still love her) and is often making reference to the dynamic between DD and DS.

Personally, I think she's making a mountain out of this to push her point about the fact that they don't get on.

And of course I like my daughter, I won't be responding to that kind of baiting other than to say that I love both of my children deeply (I'd be leaving them behind if I didn't!)

OP posts:
BeyondDrinksAndKnowsThings · 10/07/2017 12:21

Brothers and sisters sharing a room isn't weird, me and DH have shared with dsis and bil before!! (Though admittedly we are slightly older now!)

But why do you need to make a decision now? You have five nights. Put them in the room together, and if there are any problems then swap? Confused

dotdotdotmustdash · 10/07/2017 12:21

That has nothing to do with this thread. At all.

Yes, it has, if only to attempt to keep a sense of perspective. The OP has been accused of hating her DD, not respecting her children and laying her Dd open to sexual abuse. They are teenagers within a well-adjusted family and nothing that is likely to happen if and when they share a room on holiday is hugely significant other in the grand scheme of things. There might be a hurt feeling or two or a bit of bickering but it should be an exercise in learning tolerance rather than a huge deal. They are very lucky teens.

CurlsandCurves · 10/07/2017 12:26

My brother and I always shared a room on holiday right up until we stopped going away with our parents, which was probably me being about 20 and him 16.

Never occurred to me this was any kind of issue.

RebelRogue · 10/07/2017 12:26

They are teenagers within a well-adjusted family

Yes because people from well adjusted families never ever do bad things.

waitforitfdear · 10/07/2017 12:38

Op of course it's fine and what most normal people do in RL all the time unless they are made of money.

Our 4 shared a room one double and two twin beds. So lads were 16/15 and their sisters 6/5.. lads had the twin and girls the double.

After years of baby raising it was the best holiday ever as dh and I had our own peaceful room and the kids had a blast too.

Funny to see teenagers being shook awake by excited siblings.

Some posters are are born pretty rich here and have never shared a room with siblings so find it odd. It's completely normal for most in the real world holiday or not.

Yes they are teens and different sexes but freaking hell those banging on about the girl being neglected or potentially abused need a head wobble.

Janeinthemiddle · 10/07/2017 12:42

What about getting an apartment?

StormTreader · 10/07/2017 12:45

My parents were very "We're the adults and what we say, goes".

When I finally became an adult and got a say, I went.

Just thought it was worth mentioning what the hard lines of "under 18s dont get a say" can result in.

MommaGee · 10/07/2017 12:54

Though, it would make more sense for me to share with DS and DH to share with DD, in terms of who gets along best.

This explains this:

Domineering? I don't know..that's her take. She can be histrionic, they've never get on. She doesn't really 'get' him

And apparently you don't get her either

This will be a holiday of a lifetime for you and DH. Probably not so much for DC who have no right to an opinion on anything that happens as they arebt paying and therefore are unimportant.

Tbh why do you care about the opinions of people on MN but not your darling son and his histrionic sister

mammmamia · 10/07/2017 12:55

Went on a big family holiday when I was 19 and my sister 17, we got put in a triple room with 25 year old male cousin! All was fine - we have all grown up together like siblings. Happy memories of that holiday and time spent together. Still close now.

MommaGee · 10/07/2017 12:58

That's the difference though mammmmaia. The siblings don't get on. DS is ""sensitive"" whilst DD is ""histrionic"" and a ""wind up""

WeAllHaveWings · 10/07/2017 13:11

Another one with parents who liked the "We're the adults and what we say, goes" line. They didn't dismiss our thoughts or feelings, we knew they/we were irrelevant so absolutely no point in discussing.

To this day, as an adult, I don't discuss much more than the weather with my parents, as their thoughts and feelings about my life/dc are ignored/brushed aside as they are irrelevant to me. This isn't done intentionally, it is just the natural dynamic of our relationship that they nurtured.

Ask your dc how they feel, if either is uncomfortable give them the option of mum/dd and dad/ds rooms. Your children are children, but they don't become adults overnight at 18, you should be guiding them there by giving them responsibility and encouraging them to voice their thoughts/feelings on family matters and let them know they will be listened to.

Backinthebox · 10/07/2017 13:11

I still share hotel rooms with my brother now, and we are both in our 40s! I travel the world with work and am allowed to have a family member stay in my room as long as it does not have a cost impact on the booking my company has made at the hotel. This means that over the years I've shared a hotel room with most of my adult family members (male and female) at some point. Sometimes if it comes down to it, you just have to share and enjoy the journey. And behave like adults while doing it, not bickering about it being unfair you have to share. Having said that I may have a skewed view of the world as I work in an environment where male and female crew members who may have never met before are expected to take sleep breaks on overnight duties in shared mixed sex bunk areas with only a curtain round their bunk for privacy. Sharing a room with my brother is a luxury after sharing the bunks with Captain Farty-Snorer!

Ontheboardwalk · 10/07/2017 13:18

Domineering? I don't know..that's her take. She can be histrionic, they've never get on. She doesn't really 'get' him

This!!

They don't get on in livng in the same house, how are they going to get on in the same room?

OP have you spoken to them about it yet?

strikealight · 10/07/2017 13:44

If there's a serious personality clash I would share with one and dh would share with the other - gender lines seems the obvious route. Individual rooms might be too costly.

Co1onelblimp · 10/07/2017 15:33

OP has disappeared. Maybe she didn't like the replies.

budgiegirl · 10/07/2017 15:44

This will be a holiday of a lifetime for you and DH. Probably not so much for DC who have no right to an opinion on anything that happens as they arebt paying and therefore are unimportant

FFS, where did you get from! I'm quite sure the OPs DC are very important to her, and can have an opinion on plenty of things. But , unless there's a lot more info that we haven't been told, she is simply expecting them to share a room for few nights on holiday. The same as many, many families do everytine they go on holiday.

EdmundCleverClogs · 10/07/2017 16:03

OP has disappeared. Maybe she didn't like the replies.

Probably. It's very unusual for a poster with no history bar one thread to say some goady stuff then disappear....