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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine for DS (17) and DD (15) to share a hotel room?

278 replies

singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:43

We are going to Australia to stay with friends via various Asian countries this summer.

I was chatting to a friend about our plans - the majority of the holiday will be spent with friends where DD will share with our friend's daughter and DS our friend's son.

The hotel stops on the way out and back (5 nights total) DD (who is 15) and DS (who is 17) will be sharing a hotel room.

I told my friend this and she was horrified that they would be sharing. Really? At what age did people stop their DC sharing on holidays like this?

OP posts:
wictional · 10/07/2017 07:20

Presumably the OP knows her DC well enough to know if they can manage to share for 5 nights. It's not the DC who have objected to sharing (as far as we know), but a friend of the OP who was horrified. Plenty of DC are able to share perfectly happily, or at least manage to put up with each other for a few days.

That's the point though; she hasn't actually asked her DC if this is ok, she's just said that what she says goes with no respect or consideration for their feelings - even though she has also said that they don't get along, that her DS is "domineering" over her DD who doesn't like him for it. These siblings are not 'perfectly happy' to share!

bruffin · 10/07/2017 07:27

I think most people are reading far too much i to all of this, especially the brother/sister relationship and even suggesting that op doesnt like her ddHmm.
Op is only asking because of friends comments. Mixed sex siblings sharing a holiday room in a normal family really isnt a problem, and most people dont have exrra funds for 2 extra single rooms.
It was a luxery for us last year to have 2 rooms in US last year, we could have all probably squeezed into one room ( most hotels we stayed in had 2 queen beds) but 3 weeks of that and we would have all been at each others throats.

ginsparkles · 10/07/2017 07:37

I wouldn't have like this with my brother at pretty much any age. I can't understand why you wouldn't discuss this sort of thing with your children. There are plenty of other options than making two almost adults who don't get on, share a room.

We don't know her children are ok with the arrangement, she's not asked them. If they are happy with the sleeping arrangements then it's great, but if their not then the holiday of a lifetime might not be so fantastic after all

Co1onelblimp · 10/07/2017 07:42

Eh, I think it's pretty obvious that the OP doesn't like her DD much and refuses to take her feelings in to account.
She even dismissed the idea of sharing a room with her, preferring to share with her son!!

I feel sad for her DD.
Good luck with that in the future OP when your DD is choosing your nursing home..

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 10/07/2017 07:49

Yeah it's fine. Actually I think it's very healthy that they can grow up without any issues around this can always change in a bathroom. I prob wouldn't have expected to have been asked this question as I can't imagine anyone thinking this is an issue!

ZenNudist · 10/07/2017 07:50

If they don't mind it's not a problem. Only like sharing a room with a friend (or random in a hostel). In fact it's better as they are more used to each other.

Your friend is easily shocked and a bit silly

Goodasgold17 · 10/07/2017 07:58

I have bad memories of this as a young teen sharing a room with my older brother. I woke to find him wanking in the other bed. Grim!

junebirthdaygirl · 10/07/2017 08:06

I was quite strict with my dc and expected them to fall in with my decisions when young. But at 17 particularly you do need to ask them. You're days of mom says so are over and more discussion is needed. My dc wouldnt have minded at that stage but we would have given them a choice..together or dd share with mom..

SallyGinnamon · 10/07/2017 08:55

If the OP is so sure it's fine 'end of', then why ask?

Someone must have put doubts in her mind.

Helenluvsrob · 10/07/2017 09:02

It's fine. When they get to uni they will share with anyone when they go away to keep the price down , incl multi bedded dorms.

We recently had eldest and 2 female and 1 male friend to stay. The only options were twin beds ( touching in a tiny room ) or a double bed. They were happy to do that rather than fund a travel
Lodge.

anchor9 · 10/07/2017 09:22
Confused

i think it depends completely on them -- they are far past being old enough to be asked.

frankly, from what you've said about their relationship, i can't quite believe you would take the attitude that you have!

budgiegirl · 10/07/2017 09:50

These siblings are not 'perfectly happy' to share!

You don't know that! You're just guessing. OP will know her kids and how they react to each other.

My own DC are a similar age and are constantly bickering. But they've always shared hotel rooms, cruise cabins, tents etc, happily, and will continue to do so. And , no, I don't think I've ever asked them if they're ok with it, as it's just how it is if they want to come on holiday. IMO, it's a perfectly normal arrangement in RL. But the world of mumsnet seems quite far removed from RL sometimes.

houseinamess · 10/07/2017 09:56

we've done it a few times with adult children of different sexes. It isn't idea at all but saved a lot of money.

missiondecision · 10/07/2017 10:00

Can't you share with your daughter and your husband share with your son?
I wouldn't be like that set up personally maybe I have ishooos
I would be concerned about possible embarrassment for the children.

paxillin · 10/07/2017 10:01

I don't know anybody in RL who does "girls room" and "boys room". Everybody is just happy when the kids are old enough not to crash with mum and dad anymore so they get some time with their DP. Teens are of course asked if they want to come, but if they do, they share.

budgiegirl · 10/07/2017 10:13

Can't you share with your daughter and your husband share with your son?

Why is this necessary, if the DC haven't complained about sharing?

paxillin · 10/07/2017 10:19

I wonder if it is the same martyrdom that leads to quite a few mnetters complaining they haven't had a wee in private for years, since their toddlers come and witness. I'm sure my toddlers would have wanted to come had they been asked back in the day, just as the teens would love their own hotel room.

Room sharing is (and has always been) the norm in my family, I still have a great relationship with both parents and kids. They are free not to come naturally, as was I. I never took that option and neither did they.

MaidOfStars · 10/07/2017 10:30

We are a pretty open family and all get on well. When my brother and I were 18 and 16 respectively, we went on a holiday that featured a massive room with two double beds. I slept in with my Mum, my brother with my Dad. Seemed a more obvious solution.

Voice0fReason · 10/07/2017 10:32

But why should OP change arrangements when none of the participants have complained at all?
They haven't been consulted! It never occurred to the OP to ask them and she doesn't care what they think anyway! And she dismisses her DD's concerns.

I have two kids son and daughter and if they want separate rooms as they get older they can pay the supplement.
How would a 15 year old pay a supplement? You wouldn't be giving them any choice at all.

I'd also suggest Airbnb - it's often a lot cheaper to get 3 rooms than 2 rooms in a hotel.

HipsterHunter · 10/07/2017 10:35

Completely fine.

HipsterHunter · 10/07/2017 10:37

ts perfectly possible that as a developing girl she may feel self-conscious

Oh FFS.

'Developing girl'.

She can wear pajamas. Get changed in a locked bathroom. What the fuck does she have to be 'self conscious' about.

People would lead happier lives if they were more relaxed.

missiondecision · 10/07/2017 10:38

I made the comment about girls and boys rooms as a solution?
It's not UR for them to share either, my teens are not much older than the ops and they do not have a problem sharing a twin room.

budgiegirl · 10/07/2017 10:39

They haven't been consulted!

I don't consult my teens about these sort of things, tbh. I do discuss holiday destinations with them and we choose holidays together. But there's a definite understanding that they may (probably will) have to share rooms to keep costs down. Most teens I know would be pretty quick to tell you if they were unhappy about the arrangement!

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2017 10:57

If they know about the arrangement they can object. If they haven't been told/ consulted then a bit difficult.

budgiegirl · 10/07/2017 11:08

If they haven't been told/ consulted then a bit difficult

Fair enough, but I would think that if a family friend knows the arrangements, then its quite likely the DC probably do too.

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