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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine for DS (17) and DD (15) to share a hotel room?

278 replies

singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:43

We are going to Australia to stay with friends via various Asian countries this summer.

I was chatting to a friend about our plans - the majority of the holiday will be spent with friends where DD will share with our friend's daughter and DS our friend's son.

The hotel stops on the way out and back (5 nights total) DD (who is 15) and DS (who is 17) will be sharing a hotel room.

I told my friend this and she was horrified that they would be sharing. Really? At what age did people stop their DC sharing on holidays like this?

OP posts:
rinabean · 09/07/2017 18:54

never understood parents who brag about paying for their kids. you legally have to, it's the bare minimum. Says a lot when it's the best thing they can say about themselves

of course you pay they legally can't have proper jobs for heaven's sake. Can just imagine you going round shrieking I PAY I PAY I PAY I PAY as if someone doesn't know that

all parents pay for their kids

AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/07/2017 18:55

Honestly, they are brother and sister. They will be in the room for nothing more than to sleep, between flights. They can change in the bathroom whilst they''re in there brushing teeth/having a wee etc.

What makes me really uncomfortable is that when people question set ups like this, it has a very accusatory tone that something sexual might happen. I'm pretty sure that other than very very rare cases, nobody has any sexual intentions towards their own brother or sister, be it to physically do anything, or even spy on them etc. They make it sound like just because they've been put in a situation of sharing a room, one is going to suddenly jump at the chance to sexually abuse the other somehow, it's completely ridiculous.

I'd honestly feel really uncomfortable being around anyone if they looked at my (hypothetical) children, especially if they are a close friend or family member who has spent years around my kids as they've grown up, and had even the remotest fleeting thought that they were capable of sexually abusing their sibling.

BackforGood · 09/07/2017 18:56

Wow some strange opinions on here. It's part and parcel of accepting an expensive holiday from your parents- sharing a room to sleep in for a few nights. Your friend needs to give her head a wobble.

Sparklingbrook · 09/07/2017 18:57

It's nothing to do with sex as far as I am concerned.Confused Just personal space, privacy and having to share a small space with someone you don't get along with during a holiday without even being consulted.

silkpyjamasallday · 09/07/2017 18:58

I've always shared with my slightly younger brother on holidays. It's separate beds so I don't really see the issue, on holiday surely you are only in there to sleep?

islandsandshores · 09/07/2017 18:59

Things can be very inappropriate indeed without being sexual.

EdmundCleverClogs · 09/07/2017 19:00

What makes me really uncomfortable is that when people question set ups like this, it has a very accusatory tone that something sexual might happen.

Not at all. The OP has said that their son is domineering over their daughter, who in turn is apparently hysterical and winds him up (terrible way to describe your daughter, by the way). So there's a good chance he could bully her at least, and she's forced into that situation without a choice. There's more 'bad things' that can happen other than sexual matters.

Oswin · 09/07/2017 19:01

I would have happily shared a room with my brothers still do. When I was young my three brothers shared a room and sometimes they would let me camp on there floor. I loved it.
But that's me and we have always had a good relationship.
Your children don't and your attitude towards your dd is nasty.

LorelaiLeighGilmore · 09/07/2017 19:01

OP your DC are adults - why is it odd for other adults to share rooms / beds if it's not odd for yours?

Despair!!

gemsandstones · 09/07/2017 19:03

I was nodding along with OP until they said if the parents are to share with the kids it would be dad with DD and mother with son. Isn't this slightly odd thinking? Because they get along? Shouldn't this be based on gender privacy?

VestalVirgin · 09/07/2017 19:03

Also,if your son is such sensitive,misunderstood,innocent soul why would you subject him to sharing a room and his personal space(with no escape) with a loud,annoying, histrionic girl?

Indeed. A sensitive boy won't be exactly happy if his sister rifles through his belongings ... or whatever it is that OP's daughter does.
He won't be able to sleep if he has to fear she'll use the opportunity to wreak havoc.

The daughter sharing a room with her father sounds fine to me if they get along, but again, the question is whether the hotel will agree.

Depending on where you go, I would not rely on them not having a rule that only married couples or people of the same sex can share rooms.

Definitely ask the hotel if they're okay with whatever you plan.

VestalVirgin · 09/07/2017 19:06

Isn't this slightly odd thinking? Because they get along? Shouldn't this be based on gender privacy?

No one needs gender privacy. People need sex privacy. Gender is a social construct.

I sleep in pyjamas, so I don't need privacy for sleeping. My dad is a decent man, so I could just ask him to leave the room while I change, problem solved.

If the daughter has no problem sharing with her dad, I have no moral problem with it.

But a hotel might.

Original poster
singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 19:08

"OP your DC are adults"

My DC are not adults Hmm Hmm they are both children legally!

OP posts:
fitflopqueen · 09/07/2017 19:09

we did the same as you (to Australia) either end of the trip it was hotel room 2 nights/3nights, they were 20 yr old DD and 16 yr old DS, had separate rooms for the middle 2 weeks though in villa's. it was only for sleeping and although they did fall out from time to time they would still do it again 4 yrs on.

SabineUndine · 09/07/2017 19:12

I shared a room with my brother when we were about that age. Didn't bother either of us.

Ohmyfuck · 09/07/2017 19:12

When we do this, I share with my daughters and my husband with our son.

DontLookBackIntoTheSun · 09/07/2017 19:13

My DC share a bedroom on holiday. DD age 22, DS age 19. They know that 2 single rooms is more than double the price. We always get rooms with en suites so there is a private space for dressing.
No hotel anywhere in the world has ever questioned this, it's incredibly common.
Both my adult SILs shared a family room with their parents in USA. Again, standard for families to do this, it was a big room with a double bed and 2 singles.
Not seeing a problem, hotel bedrooms are just for sleeping in Confused

Manijo · 09/07/2017 19:16

my two have always shared and still do if they have to. Neither of them mind, however DD refuses to share a bed with DS now because apparently he smells. Grin. They are 23 and 17 and luckily for us get on well with each other.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/07/2017 19:17

OP: just book twin rooms. They sound pretty much like most teen siblings who are jockeying for position and bicker sometimes. If the teens are not mature enough to work out how to rub along together then you can swap along parent/child lines.

I remember sharing holiday rooms with siblings of opposite sex, my kids all did the same where needed (and will be again next year as two are coming to an event with us minus their partners). I can't think of any families who did different when I was growing up - its utterly normal.

It as early teens there was the odd bicker but faced with the choice of sharing or no holiday they coped remarkably well.

As adults they laugh at any suggestion of paying for extra rooms rather than share.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/07/2017 19:18

"Relatives sharing a room isn't odd. "

Usually when relatives share a room they are of the same sex. If you had visitors, how would you sort out sleeping arrangements? I bet you'd separate the sexes unless there was a couple.

Ragwort · 09/07/2017 19:18

never understood parents who brag about paying for their kids. you legally have to

Agreed but you don't have to 'legally' give your children a fantastic holiday in Australia. Hmm.

Lots of family members/friends share rooms to keep the costs down.

dotdotdotmustdash · 09/07/2017 19:23

Op, I'm with you all the way - My DS and DD always shared rooms when we went away and would still be asked to if we were paying. I'd assume they would only be in the rooms long enough to go to sleep and I would referee if required. My DH and I both snore but we're used to each other so I wouldn't inflict that on our children!

The only we split up and did DH/DS and me/DD was on a one-night stay when they were much younger and our hotel rooms were on different floors, otherwise we expected them to get to bed and get some sleep.

Sparklingbrook · 09/07/2017 19:26

Bedrooms aren't for just sleeping in though on holiday Confused. It's your space to dress and to put make up on and dry your hair. Then in the evening, get undressed take your make up off and get ready for bed etc

You my even want to lie on the bed and watch TV for a bit.

Unless you just walk in, and get straight into bed and go to sleep every night.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/07/2017 19:29

"Bedrooms aren't for just sleeping in though on holiday confused. It's your space to dress and to put make up on and dry your hair. Then in the evening, get undressed take your make up off and get ready for bed etc "

Not necessarily. Most people do all this in the bathroom (most foreign bathrooms have sockets for the hair dryer) when sharing a room, even with someone of the same sex so I don't see this as an issue.
I have to say I'd be very uncomfortable being on my own in a room with any male. I've shared with mixed groups, but never with one male.

SallyGinnamon · 09/07/2017 19:29

We also had a 'girls' room and a 'boys' room when we had our once-in-lifetime holiday to California a couple of years ago. They didn't get on generally prior to that but because they had their own space it was fab.

On the other hand when we tried to make them share on a previous holiday it was shit for all of us TBH. Nobody enjoyed that trip. Learned my lesson.

So think hard - this may be a special and expensive for you but squabbles, disharmony and petty rows may ruin the whole thing. Is that what you want.

Or give your DC a bit of respect and ask for their ideas to make it great, not a nightmare.