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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's fine for DS (17) and DD (15) to share a hotel room?

278 replies

singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:43

We are going to Australia to stay with friends via various Asian countries this summer.

I was chatting to a friend about our plans - the majority of the holiday will be spent with friends where DD will share with our friend's daughter and DS our friend's son.

The hotel stops on the way out and back (5 nights total) DD (who is 15) and DS (who is 17) will be sharing a hotel room.

I told my friend this and she was horrified that they would be sharing. Really? At what age did people stop their DC sharing on holidays like this?

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 09/07/2017 19:32

I don't do any of that in the bathroom Gwenhwyfar I use the dressing table with the big mirror and hairdryer. I certainly don't get ready for bed in the bathroom.

goodbyestranger · 09/07/2017 19:33

My teenage/ twentysomething DDs and DSs frequently share if we go somewhere and I/ they don't give it a second thought, but then there are rather a lot of them (as in, eight). They can change in the bathroom in a hotel it's not a big deal and at home they're always lounging around in PJs. If they want to go places with the family they share (obviously not when their partners are with us too, that would be weird :)).

Co1onelblimp · 09/07/2017 19:50

A few thoughts. Your son sounds like a mummy' s boy. Stop indulging him. You don't seem to like your DD very much. Both of your children are almost adults, and deserve to have their feelings taken in to account.
Pretty worrying that you describe your son as domineeting towards your D.D and then dismiss her feelings about it as histrionics!!

If It' s such a holiday of a lifetime, the surely you can afford to pay for seperate rooms for them for five nights, although if I was your .DD I wouldn't want to go on holiday with you at all..

budgiegirl · 09/07/2017 19:52

Wow some strange opinions on here. It's part and parcel of accepting an expensive holiday from your parents- sharing a room to sleep in for a few nights. Your friend needs to give her head a wobble

^this. Surely sharing a room is normal on a family holiday. When we stay in hotels, we usually have all 5 of us in one room, our DC are 16, 15 and 12, two boys, one girl.

To be honest, it's that or no holiday, as we would struggle to afford two rooms. They understand that if they want to come on holiday, then they share . It's just how it is.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/07/2017 19:59

the surely you can afford to pay for seperate rooms for them for five nights

The OP should magic up several hundred quid extra so that near adults don't have to behave like near adults? Special holidays are achieved by very careful penny counting for most people.

Honestly are people shocked at the concept of sharing all living and holidaying in multi bedroom mansions?

DontLookBackIntoTheSun · 09/07/2017 20:02

^Bedrooms aren't for just sleeping in though on holiday confused. It's your space to dress and to put make up on and dry your hair. Then in the evening, get undressed take your make up off and get ready for bed etc

You my even want to lie on the bed and watch TV for a bit.

Unless you just walk in, and get straight into bed and go to sleep every night.^

Only the dressing needs to be done in private, though. Both of mine could watch TV together, if they couldn't think of anything more interesting to do. They tend to read kindles or surf the net before going to sleep, which works well.

Sparklingbrook · 09/07/2017 20:03

Self catering can be a cheaper and better option.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 09/07/2017 20:11

Do you like your daughter OP?

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/07/2017 20:15

The OP has said that their son is domineering over their daughter, who in turn is apparently hysterical and winds him up (terrible way to describe your daughter, by the way). So there's a good chance he could bully her at least, and she's forced into that situation without a choice. There's more 'bad things' that can happen other than sexual matters.

. This. I refer you back to my post of how my brother treated me op.

My mother recently told my dd I was horrible to my brother. Your posts are pretty disgusting op. You sound like my mother. Do you want your daughter to hate you? To hate being with you? It sounds as if you're heading this way. Keep saying what you're saying. Repeat it into her 40's about what a difficult 'shrew' she was and how she was like it from 8/9 onwards, what a difficult child she was and still is and all manner of nastiness.

Sirzy · 09/07/2017 20:17

Who on here would happily share a room with someone they really don't get on with?

Crumbs1 · 09/07/2017 20:20

Ours have and do if the situation ands it. Can't see a real problem.

frasersmummy · 09/07/2017 20:23

You are not allowed to stay in a hotel room by yourself under 16 anyway...well in the UK anyway. ..I have just discovered this rule. This week

Co1onelblimp · 09/07/2017 20:24

CBH .yes she should be prepared to pay more money if it means making sure there is family harmony. What's the point of going on a family holiday of a lifetime if you are forcing two almost adults to share such a personal space, that they (or at least her DD does not feel comfortable with.

I go away every year with friends. Much as I love them , i would not go away with them if I didn't have my own room. (We get a villa or Airbnb type accom where we have a bedroom each)I don't just sleep there. I might go for a kip during the day, or to read a book, or just to escape for some peace and quiet, and alone time.

The OP comes across as domineering and penny pinching.
I would be surprised if her DD wants to go away at all with her mother's attitude towards her!

Cupcake1315 · 09/07/2017 20:25

Honestly it's fine for them to share a room. I wouldn't ask either because what would be the point? You ask they say no but you don't have the funds to get separate rooms. So they'd be like why did you even bother bringing it up. This is a simple enough sacrifice to make if they want to go on this trip. I don't understand the horror of two different sexes sharing a room. So what if it was two dds who didn't get along? Would she still be advised separate rooms.

I'm a single mum and I could only afford a two bed flat, will never be able to afford 3 beds, so my children will share until they go to uni, there's 2 years difference between them.

I don't feel that op should have to give up this trip because she can afford 2 rooms when they can share.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 09/07/2017 20:25

Agree with others, even if you think your DD is 'wrong' to not like her brother and he is he one in the right being 'annoyed' at her (rather than acting like the near adult he is at 17 and rising above being wound up), you know they will probably squabble and argue if you put them in a shared room.

It'll make those days of your holiday shit. Why spend all that money to do something you know will be a bit crap for everyone? It's not like Australia is going anywhere, you could go just you and DH in 3 years time with no DCs, bunging the cost of their flights at them if they want to go travelling later without their sibling and parents.

I'd go for a room you and DD, and DS and DH in a room and have a much nicer holiday all round.

You are probably spending several grand on a 'holiday of a lifetime' - why do something you are pretty sure will make it a shit experience?

dotdotdotmustdash · 09/07/2017 20:25

Do you like your daughter OP?

What a completely ridiculous question to ask. I'm sure the OP loves her daughter, but like any intelligent parent, she is prepared to acknowledge that her DC aren't perfect. I have a DS who can be a bit cruel to his sister and a DD who can be whiny and over-dramatic. I adore them both.

DonaldStott · 09/07/2017 20:26

It's part and parcel of accepting an expensive holiday from your parents

No, if you're 15, you are not 'accepting' a holiday. It's not like she can stay at home alone for weeks is it?

Although I am surprised your daughter wants to go.

It would make sense for the females and males to share. After all, it's only a few nights.

I love my brother, but would I have wanted to share a room with him as a teenager? Nah.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/07/2017 20:26

dotdot

It isn't a ridiculous question. My mother doesn't like me.

ajandjjmum · 09/07/2017 20:27

My DD and DS are in their mid-20s and still share a room when the two of them come on holiday with us - it means we can stay at nicer hotels!

They used to squabble about daft things when they were younger (tv channels etc.) but are fine now.

DH and I have also shared with one or other of the DC on occasions - next year DD and DH are going on a particular adventure, and will share a tent.

Every family is different, but it's fine with each one of us.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 09/07/2017 20:27

It's also worth checking if the hotels will even let you do this - many in the UK won't allow a room with no adults in it.

dotdotdotmustdash · 09/07/2017 20:30

It isn't a ridiculous question. My mother doesn't like me.

I'm sorry to hear that but it's not a common emotion for a parent to feel for their children. The OP in this case hasn't said one single thing that suggests that she dislikes either of her children. She is acknowledging that they can bicker when they share a room as will most siblings. She's not suggesting that they abuse each other. My two even at 20 and 18 can still struggle not to bicker if I send them off together to tidy up the kitchen!

fanfrickintastic · 09/07/2017 20:47

I think it's fine, as long as they know the options are - go on holiday, share a room or don't go.

I hated sharing with my sister growing up, would much, much prefer sharing with my brother but wasn't given the option. Options were share with sister or don't go on holiday, so we shared.

userofthiswebsite · 09/07/2017 20:49

You seem to have missed the bit where she states the brother as 'domineering' towards his sister.... and that she doesn't 'get him'.

I.e daughter is at fault for being the one getting the grief. She doesn't seem to care about her daughter's feelings hence a number of people infer that she's really not that fond of daughter.

Another poster above sounds as if they have a similar dynamic above where the son is cruel to the daughter and the daughter is so-called winy about it.

In either case, why on earth not step in as the parent and do something about it? Why is it ok for one child to be unkind to the other sibling? It wouldn't be acceptable in a school environment, if Child A was cruel/domineering/bullying towards Child B, it would be raised by the school staff for action, why is it ok when the 'victim' happens to be a sibling?

Christinayangstwistedsista · 09/07/2017 20:52

Totally off topic, but where are you staying?

I used to live in Singapore so was just wondering

Oldbutstillgotit · 09/07/2017 21:00

Can DD not share with you and DH and let DS have a room to himself if it's only for a few nights ?

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