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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's fine for DS (17) and DD (15) to share a hotel room?

278 replies

singaporeslingshot · 09/07/2017 17:43

We are going to Australia to stay with friends via various Asian countries this summer.

I was chatting to a friend about our plans - the majority of the holiday will be spent with friends where DD will share with our friend's daughter and DS our friend's son.

The hotel stops on the way out and back (5 nights total) DD (who is 15) and DS (who is 17) will be sharing a hotel room.

I told my friend this and she was horrified that they would be sharing. Really? At what age did people stop their DC sharing on holidays like this?

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 09/07/2017 18:24

My sibling and I would have hated this to be honest. Our parents didnt even try. We each slept in the same room with one of the parents.

We're the parents and what we say goes.

Yes well. DS is 17. How long will your attitude there last?

financially this makes the most sense and means we can have the holiday of a lifetime for all of us.

An important consideration but if your kids are hating each night they sleep in the same room then I do wonder if they will consider it a holiday of a lifetime?

bumblebeebuzzing · 09/07/2017 18:24

My dad paid for us all to go on holiday as adults, not once did it occur to me to demand my own room, I was 24 and told I would be sharing with my 29 dbro frankly I was grateful for the free holiday and family time. I don't ask the kids whether they want to share we do it as cheaply as we can or we can't go but they are just happy to go on holiday.

loveka · 09/07/2017 18:24

And you really do sound like you don't like your daughter much. Whether you do or you don't, the way it sounds is what she hears.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/07/2017 18:25

Oh bless, he's sensitive. And she makes a fuss over not a lot.

Sounds like you favour his needs and feelings over hers. If you favoured hers over his, you could say she's sensitive and he makes a fuss over not a lot. After all, she's just being friendly with her brother, hardly imposing herself, just an outgoing girl.

228agreenend · 09/07/2017 18:25

Don't see a problem myself. It's only for a few nights. Mabye different if it were for the same holiday, but for five nights in all, okay (and practical).

Ragwort · 09/07/2017 18:25

It's fine for them to have an opinion but unless they are sharing the cost of the holiday then I think it's just something you have to accept - or not go on the holiday. My friend takes her two 20+ year olds (DD & DS) on holiday each year and they always share a room.

We recently shared a room on holiday with DS (16) and whilst not ideal it just made sense financially. I personally would love a single room when I go away (DH and I have separate bedrooms at home Grin) but financially it would be impossible.

Mimipoo · 09/07/2017 18:26

I had to share with my brother on holiday when we were around that age. We didn't get on either. Argued a bit over tv but honestly it was fine we had no issues. Separate beds of course and bathroom for changing. Either they share or you bunk up with your DD and I assume you want to spend time with your DH on holiday?

Love51 · 09/07/2017 18:26

I would have been fine with this at that age. But my brother and I basically got along ok by 15 (me) and 17 (him). In fact, my parents offered us a holiday at 16 and 18, and I only agreed to go because he was. Otherwise it was a week in a tent in France with my parents, no way I would have left my friends and boyfriend for that!
I'd assume that by 15 a child could speak up and object if they weren't comfortable. To be honest, if there's an ensuite to change in, it really isn't a problem.

Jaxhog · 09/07/2017 18:27

Please consult them. They probably won't mind sharing, if it means a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. But they will mind not being asked.

Worst case, you share with DD and your DH shares with DS. That's the least odd alternative. At least give them the choice.

PS. I got on much better with my Dad than my Mum, But I'd still prefer to share with my Mum!

NoLoveofMine · 09/07/2017 18:28

Indeed Mummyoflittledragon. "Outgoing and loud", presumably she should be demure and quiet, only speak when addressed so as not to impose on anyone or annoy the household.

She sounds fun, confident and like she could be friendly. There's nothing wrong with her brother having a different personality or them clashing sometimes but the way the OP is describing their respective behaviour certainly shows how she sees them.

Annonymiss123 · 09/07/2017 18:32

My 19yo DS and 21DD just shared a room in an apartment while on hols with us (single beds). They were so happy to be offered a free holiday the didn't question the sleeping arrangements. Smile They just gave each other privacy when changing. No big deal.

Bluntness100 · 09/07/2017 18:32

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caoraich · 09/07/2017 18:32

I think this is fine as long as they're OK with it.

I regularly shared a twin room with my younger brother on holidays when we were growing up. There was a period where we bickered a lot but actually sharing was good for us.

However DPs always gave us the option- from when I was about age 12 I had a say in our holiday plans. After all, we were all going. Usually there would be 3 or 4 options and DB and I would choose- sometimes this would mean somewhere less fun but more space (and a room each) but we always went for the more fun and having to share options.

So yes, it's a non-issue if they're fine with it too.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 09/07/2017 18:35

A room for the 'girls' a room for the 'boys'. Share with your DD.

Or ask them - particualrly ask her when he's not there if she'd be ok sharing a room with him, perhaps say there's an option of you sharing with her instead.

Mamia15 · 09/07/2017 18:39

Couldn't the rooms be split male: female i.e you share with DD and DH with DS?

Mamabear14 · 09/07/2017 18:40

This is weird as all fuck. A twin room, maybe. But a double bed, no way. Now would I expect them to. You go in with DD and DH goes with DS. Thats common sense.
You frankly have an awful attitude with your 'I pay the bills' bit. That's your job as parents surely, you want to go on holiday, you take your kids with you. Why should you be comfortable and not them?

hiccupgirl · 09/07/2017 18:40

I shared a room with my brother on holidays as a teenager. It was never an issue and I would happily share one with him now but we get on well and did then, despite bickering on the surface. I don't know whether it makes a difference that I'm the older sibling.

I would ask them regardless of who is paying. You don't have to pay for more rooms, just one of you share with each of them instead, if they really don't want to share. You also have the rest of the holiday to then be together with your DP if that's the issue with wanting them to share a room.

frieda909 · 09/07/2017 18:41

I'm 33 and I recently shared a room with my 25 year old brother when attending a family get-together. My dad had very kindly offered to pay for our hotel, but asking him to stretch to two single rooms would have been too much.

We did put our foot down and refuse to share a bed, though! We got to our room and found that it had been made up as a double, so we called down to reception and asked for it to be remade as two singles. The housekeeping team had all gone home for the day but after explaining the situation the hotel manager came and changed the beds for us! (We did say that if they'd just bring us some single sheets and duvets then we'd be happy to do it ourselves)

I don't think there's anything wrong with them sharing if the alternative is much more expensive.

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 09/07/2017 18:43

No I won't ask them. We pay the bills, we make the decision. End of

Oh boy.

I would hate this, as a previous poster said, I too was chucked round, hit by my older brother, not allowed to sing along to a song etc. I would have loathed sharing with him on a family holiday. I'd much prefer the mother/daughter share, but you don't seem to like your daughter.

Mummy's boy, daddy's girl, what a surprise. This is my family dynamic, too.

islandsandshores · 09/07/2017 18:44

I'd share a room with my brother. We get on very well.

A bed? No. Very uncomfortable for both parties.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 09/07/2017 18:45

No way I would have shared with my 17 year old brother at 15!!! It would have been hideous and awkward for both of us. My Mum would have stayed in with me and my bro in with my Dad.

notarehearsal · 09/07/2017 18:47

I know of a case when child services became involved with a family where the 15 year old girl was sharing a room with her 17 year old brother. The teens lived with their grandmother. The teens had decided they liked sharing a room. Social services immediately told grandmother that it is inappropriate for young people of that age to share a room
I'd personally never have put my different sex teens in together

islandsandshores · 09/07/2017 18:48

My mum used to say my room wasn't mine, it was hers, as she paid for it, and rifle through my things. Confused

RebelRogue · 09/07/2017 18:48

Also,if your son is such sensitive,misunderstood,innocent soul why would you subject him to sharing a room and his personal space(with no escape) with a loud,annoying, histrionic girl?

demirose87 · 09/07/2017 18:48

It depends on your children, if they are ok with it, then its ok no matter what anyone says. If one of them has an issue, then I think you would have to respect their wishes as they are at an age where they want more privacy. However its only for the summer and not long term, it is making the holiday more affordable so if you explain this, it should be fine.