For making DP's sister's come and pick up their children?

[Boggysib]

We were on holiday and visiting points of interest. DP is from the area - we live two hours away and were staying in an hotel along with our kids aged 6 and 1.

We arrived at a certain historical place and were trekking over to its play area. We were about to eat our picnic when it became apparent that our niece (3) and nephews (5 & 2) had been left with us to look at after as only DP's mum arrived.

Both dp and I were BUSY taking turns with the 1 year old.

DP's mum and was chasing after the 3yo while the 2yo was restrained in his buggy the whole time (2 hours or so). He doesn't get let out anywhere. He is a handful and tends to hit other children. I did not feel comfortable letting him loose. He got no interaction the whole time we were at the play area. I gave him a banana and topped up his water bottle.

So it turns out DP's sister's were away - one getting hair done, other cleaning house.

I messaged them both saying one of your children has been abandoned, the other being chased by your mum so she hasn't had a the chance to eat her lunch. I didn't come on holiday for this.....

We didn't get to to do what we had planned that day because we had to babysit their children. They obviously cannot be bothered with their children and dump them on DP's mum at any opportunity.

Wibu for thinking we shouldn't have been put in that position?

YANBU OP.
And don't feel bad about leaving the 2yo in the buggy, you didn't leave him there in fact, your MIL did! He wasn't in your care, he was under hers. If you want to a public place and saw a child in a buggy for a while would you feel bad about not looking after
Him? Of course not! What is the difference? Nobody asked you to be responsible for him, his own mother is the one responsible.

I am living something similar atm, staying at the in laws with SIL and her family, and as soon as she sees me doing something with my DC she comes nearby with her DS and leaves, basically leaving me in charge of all children. She does it when I give them lunch, at bathtime, etc. And then she sits down in the garden with a drink and I am stuck inside unable to leave the room (3 DC younger than 3).
My strategy now is to ask DH to take our two DC somewhere else, then I call SIL and say I am going to the loo now and her DC is alone so maybe she wants to come back and supervise. Has been working so far.

Isn't it funny that the visiting family should spend time with DN's as they don't see them but the sisters don't have to spend time with their DN's?

It's double standards!

Do the sisters visit you OP and you dump your kids in them?

I really don't get the mucking in comments. Op was not staying with family she was on a day trip out on her holiday.

I don't resent their lives. It looks bloody hard from where I'm standing.

I do however think they take advantage of mil and just expect to offload the kids into her whenever. But that's up to mil to sort out.

The sister in the car does it all the time according to other sister and mil. She drops her 3yo off with them and buggers off.

Yeh the buggy thing is absolutely the norm for the 2yo.

Once we all met up at a soft play place, then a meal afterwards. He was kept away frome the soft play then understandably kicked off at dinner because he'd been restrained all day!

I am genuinely astounded by the response OP is getting from some posters. She was under the impression that her SIL's would be there, as they suggested it. One SIL was clearly under the impression that the other SIL would be there with MIL and the children, as she was surprised when OP's DH informed her that wasn't the case.

Instead, one SIL appears to have stayed in the car- without so much as a "do you mind?". My DB and SIL do this- leave others to look after their children (often while they are actually present) or have sudden changes of plans that mean they can't do x,y,z but need their DC's looked after and don't want DC to miss out/be disappointed and so on. It can make it quite awkward for us to refuse to use to look after them as the DC can be looking forward to whatever was planned. Never reciprocated, of course. I have just started saying "no, sorry, I can't do that"- sometimes I could look after them quite easily (or "muck in" as some would put it), but I'm so fed up of being left to look after their DC (even when they are there) so they can "have a break" or "relax" that I just don't do it anymore. I'm fed up of being taken for a mug. They may be family, but I'm not up for being used as a free babysitting service whenever they fancy a lie in/having a DC free day.

If I was on holiday, I would be happy to see my family but I wouldn't want to be in the situation OP was in. One or both SIL could equally have "mucked in" but they got to opt out. OP was not given any choice or chance to say "actually, I'd rather you stayed". She and her DH were presented with a fait accompli. That is unfair.

OP has said leaving the 2 year old in the buggy wasn't great- but she didn't feel she could manage him and was worried that the area wasn't suitable for unruly 2 year old to go rampaging about. I imagine she would be roundly blamed if anything had happened to said 2 year old whilst he was in her care.

This thread is like MN Bingo!

Single mothers, annoying MIL, other grandchildren, behavioural issues...

Personally, I think you crossed a line by messaging them. It was up to MIL to do so, or at a push, your DP. Not you.

And I for one think it's pathetic that a grown man couldn't take a two year old for a toddle for ten minutes and manage to stop him hitting and kicking other children. Was it his job? No. But honestly he could have managed it until his dsis arrived.

You don't sound like you particularly like any of them so not sure why you wanted a family picnic at the playground in the first place!

But it's done now...

With regards to what your describing with the 2 year old, that is neglect. The odd occasion is one thing, but regularly leaving him restrained because no one can be bothered to parent him is neglect. I appreciate this is not your responsibility OP, but I would raise this as an issue.

As for the rest of it, YANBU. I'd be pissed of if someone expected me to look after their kids on my holiday too. I really don't understand why one sister just sat in the car nearby and didn't join you. Does she not like you or something? You'd have thought she'd want to a) socialise and b) spend time with her DC. Very odd.

That is very odd to sit in the car. I'm surprised your MIL isn't more cross with them?

Why are you seeing them so much on your holiday-your SILs sound like they have form for being a bit lazy. Spend your holiday enjoying yourselves!

@boggysib you said in original post about the 2 year old in the buggy that "he had no interaction the whole time we were at the play area. I gave him a banana and topped up his water bottle". Then people criticise the adults for allowing this situation and it's become: he was sat next to me, I talked to him, I fed him some of his lunch, I sung to him for a bit when my DP took one year old, I turned my back on my own baby to deal with the 2 year old at times. This seems a departure.

Anyway re your AIBU question. If you think they're taking the piss that's up to you and seems like not unreas assumption although there are range of ways of dealing with that. Also when dealing with situations they can simply be in satisfactory - it doesn't make it and you don't have to elevate it to impossible, cruel, a display of awful parenting etc.

If your question is what could/should you text your DP's Mum, my advice is to leave out any accusations or judging of the sils. Just tell her how much you were looking forward to spending quality time with her (hearing her news, sharing your news). Tell her you're now convinced that's impossible if she agrees to childmind alone at the same time.

It's normal for grannys to get a bit wishful thinking about these scenarios, and even rewrite them afterwards (which justifies them agreeing to do the same again next time).

Give a gentle ultimatum, but make it about her and how special her company is to you.

So where did the mucking in and the proper holiday comments fit in?

YANBU. Some of the comments here are unfair to the OP. She was not responsible for the other DC. The sisters are being very selfish and you were right to message them both telling them to come back. I would refuse to do any further outings with them unless both sisters are present. You look after your own DC, it is not your responsibility to provide childcare for them when they haven't even asked you if it is ok!

Also when dealing with situations they can simply be in satisfactory - it doesn't make it and you don't have to elevate it to impossible, cruel, a display of awful parenting etc.

I think this is it. No one on the thread has said that the SILs didn't act badly here. But sometimes it's enough just to say "that was a bit shit" and move on.

I wouldn't be impressed to go on holiday with two little children (which is hard enough) and then have three more to look after. Four little children and one bolter with three adults is manageable but it is definitely not how I'd want to spend my day off.

OP for the next few years I'd only meet up with your DP's family at their homes so if they try and dump their children on you without checking it is OK with you first, you can leave.

Ironic that you have issues with your own family yet can happily judge and cause issues in your DPs family.

You chose to neglect the 2 yo because you or your DP couldn't be bothered with him, hardly the SILs fault especially as they were left with the MIL, who could have told them herself if she didn't want to look after them.

Yeah i bet it was one of those play areas from the 70s with the broken glass and white dogshit in it that you see everywhere

For goodness sake! Yes, and that is exactly what he only way that the area could be unsuitable, isn't it?

I think there are plenty of ways it could be unsuitable for a 2 year old whose behaviour can be challenging. OP said so, she could be wrong- but if that is what she believed then she was right not to risk it.

sorry should be "that is exactly what I said, and obviously the only way the area could have been unsuitable, isn't it?

Yanbu it doesn't matter what the arrangement was between your mil and sil, it became your problem once they were dumped on you. Well done on calling them out to come and see to their children.
Who goes on holiday just to be saddled with taking care of other kids especially ones that are naughty. Not sure why you got such a hard time.

In what world can three adults not cope with five children even if one does have some additional needs? The two year old left in the buggy us what glares out at me. That's just so nasty and strikes me as a punishment aimed at the SIL but actually only affects the child.

I'd feel a bit manipulated and pissed off if I was the OP and I may well have texted but the dramatic and exaggerated language describing the situation is ridiculous. Three adults, five kids, Big Deal!

Well why was the sil in the air? In whose world can a grown adult not cope with one three year old.