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AIBU?

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Original poster

For making DP's sister's come and pick up their children?

385 replies

Boggysib · 09/07/2017 08:26

We were on holiday and visiting points of interest. DP is from the area - we live two hours away and were staying in an hotel along with our kids aged 6 and 1.

We arrived at a certain historical place and were trekking over to its play area. We were about to eat our picnic when it became apparent that our niece (3) and nephews (5 & 2) had been left with us to look at after as only DP's mum arrived.

Both dp and I were BUSY taking turns with the 1 year old.

DP's mum and was chasing after the 3yo while the 2yo was restrained in his buggy the whole time (2 hours or so). He doesn't get let out anywhere. He is a handful and tends to hit other children. I did not feel comfortable letting him loose. He got no interaction the whole time we were at the play area. I gave him a banana and topped up his water bottle.

So it turns out DP's sister's were away - one getting hair done, other cleaning house.

I messaged them both saying one of your children has been abandoned, the other being chased by your mum so she hasn't had a the chance to eat her lunch. I didn't come on holiday for this.....

We didn't get to to do what we had planned that day because we had to babysit their children. They obviously cannot be bothered with their children and dump them on DP's mum at any opportunity.

Wibu for thinking we shouldn't have been put in that position?

OP posts:
Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 11:15

It's not playing happily at all though.

2yo would endanger himself most likely and does not seem to cope well with other children. He hits and kicks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 11:22

I'm no expert in at all but to you think that's normal behaviour? I'll say it again - there's no way I could handle him. If I was to do the day all over again I'd still not let him out the buggy. My 1yo would've end up abandoned. She's not walking yet.

There were times I left her on the picnic blanket to see to 2yo. The buggy and blanket were next to each other but my 1yo still objected to me turning my back!

I have apologised to Mil for what I said to her.

OP posts:
jacks11 · 09/07/2017 11:23

Ok, so say OP had taken the 2 year old out and something had gone wrong- how many people would be saying she was irresponsible to let a 2 year old out if his buggy when she wasn't confident she could control him and her 1 year old? I bet plenty would blame her.

Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 11:24

And no I'm not cruel to children. I think it's wrong to to restrain and ignore children. Not give them any stimulation or interaction.

I ain't accepting that user

OP posts:
rookiemere · 09/07/2017 11:25

Ok OP cannot know for certain why the 2 year old behaves badly, but she has seen the boy being ignored by his DM and poor boundaries for bed time etc. It sounds very much as if he'd benefit from nursery rather than being with MIL all the time so he'd get proper interaction and an assessment if that was needed.

But berating OP for poor parenting when she's just had her nieces and nephew dumped on her with no notice is just bats.

rookiemere · 09/07/2017 11:26

Glad to see you can stick up for yourself OP some of the comments here are bizarre

hippyhippyshake · 09/07/2017 11:30

Agree rookie! The armchair psychologist comment is ridiculous

OfficerVanHalen · 09/07/2017 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rookiemere · 09/07/2017 11:48

OP might have been happy to be resident childminder had she been told in advance- that way they could have picked a more suitable venue for all the DCs.

The SILs sound rubbish. Apart from anything else don't they want to see their own DB and nieces/nephews .

But yes all this is apparently OPs fault Hmm

AvoidingCallenetics · 09/07/2017 12:01

She doesn't sound jealous to me. Just someone who isn't going to take it lying down when others take the piss!
No one says mil shouldn't help. What she shouldn't do is agree to look after dc she cannot cope with and then pass that on to OP.

Ceto · 09/07/2017 12:04

Officer, how precisely is it helping your single parent children out to volunteer to look after their children and then palm them off onto someone else?

Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 12:08

I've found out that the place we went to was their suggestion when dp asked for ideas on what to do.

But they pulled out and left us with their kids.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 09/07/2017 12:10

"I'm no expert in at all but to you think that's normal behaviour?"

It's hard to say at that age. Plenty of two year olds are pretty feral. My youngest was (and still can be) an absolute savage.

Doesn't mean you did the wrong thing tho. I'm not sure I would have unstrap somebody else's kid either if I couldn't guarantee I'd be able to supervise them. Especially as he doesn't even particularly know you. He may well have preferred to stay put rather than have some woman handling him.

user1495025590 · 09/07/2017 12:13

It didn't take you AND your DH to cope with your 1 year old surely.
Why did your DH not look after his own nephew, and leave you to watch your 1 yr old.

OfficerVanHalen · 09/07/2017 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 12:14

My 6yo DD actually does play well with the 3yo and does include her in play.

But she's not a babysitter and developmentally they are at very different stages. I don't begrudge her going off to do her own thing.

There are at times we asked 6yo DD to stay with us so that 3yo niece does not run off.

6yo DD enjoyed herself along with her 5yo cousin. So that's something I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 12:17

That's my point really. I'm not a perfect parent. There's plenty I worry about doing wrong.

But Ffs where were their parents? Off out not giving fucks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boggysib · 09/07/2017 12:18

saucy exactly about un-strapping someone elses kid. We are basically strangers to him.

OP posts:
babsjonhson · 09/07/2017 12:23

Why should ops DH take the two year old off for a walk /a play and not spend his own holiday with his own wife and children?

It doesn't matter what op and her husband were doing with the kids and if they're family or not the point if they weren't even asked just had the kids dumped on them!

OfficerVanHalen · 09/07/2017 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1495025590 · 09/07/2017 12:25

I'm not sure I would have unstrap somebody else's kid either if I couldn't guarantee I'd be able to supervise them

It wasnot some random child - it was his nephew, who had been left in his care. Really, could not your fully grown adult husband and father of 2, not coped with his 2 year old nephew for a few minutes to give the poor kid a run around

AvoidingCallenetics · 09/07/2017 12:26

Of course they were palmed off Officer. Firstly onto mil and by extension onto the OP and her dh because mil cannot cope with 3 kids, one of whom is extra hard to look after.
I don't know why judginess is considered to be such a bad thing tbh. I would openly judge parents who left their dc in these circumstances. They know mil is struggling, they just don't give a shit. And they knew full well that OP and her dh would be there and saw an opportunity to palm their kids off for a few hours.

AvoidingCallenetics · 09/07/2017 12:28

That's kind of the point - she'd like to spend less time with them, but they kerp buggering off and leaving their kids with her Wink

OfficerVanHalen · 09/07/2017 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hackmum · 09/07/2017 12:29

Officer: "it's actually none of your business,"

Of course it's the OP's business. She and her DH were left looking after the children. What were they supposed to say? "Sorry, I'm not looking after this child while you run after the other one, MIL, because it's not my responsibility"? And of course the SILs would know that MIL is incapable of looking after three small children on her own. They were deliberately using the OP and her DH as free childcare. Cheeky so-and-sos.