To feel I won't regret not having kids - or will I?

[pudding24]

Probably been asked a million times, but I need to ask...

I'm in my late twenties, happily married, DH doesn't want kids and I don't think I do either. Reasons being:

• I've had anxiety (and sometimes depression as a result) all my life and I've managed to reach a place of happiness by keeping my life simple and taking on as few responsibilities as possible. I think I would find being responsible for anything 24/7 stressful to the point of making me unhappy.
• I was a difficult teenager and my brother (who's some way younger than me so I was/am more like a parent to him) even worse. I was bullied and had anxiety/depression; my brother self-harmed, was suicidal, and has Asperger's and still lives at home unable to work. I have no idea how my mum stayed strong through all that and I know I could not go through that myself.
• DH and I both hate working and want to work hard now so we can have a future where we are financially more free and can perhaps go part-time and enjoy our lives, maybe see the world, etc.

My worries on the other hand are:

• Ending up old and alone.
• Not leaving any trace in the world once I'm gone; not having any purpose.

Pragmatically, I feel like if I do leave it too late and regret it, I could always adopt, but if I have kids, I can never un-have them.

But when you have so little time to decide as a woman, how do you know that you won't regret it?

This. ^ It's very unpleasant. Like I said though, it seems to be acceptable (on here) to berate motherhood and say it's a shit life being a mother, but God FORBID you berate child-free people.

What infuriates me, is that some people who bash motherhood are actually mothers themselves! (So they claim!) I hate these threads, and I do wonder about the motives of people who start them.

Murmurating, tbh, the people on Mumsnet saying motherhood is shit are those who have children. I don't know whether motherhood is shit or not, because I don't have children. I see it from the outside. Some parents seem to enjoy life with their children, others don't.

I think generally the motives of people who start such threads are to find out if women who choose not to have children (choose being the operative word - very different to women who can't have children) are happy with their decision and their childfree lives. It seems sensible to garner such opinions before deciding whether to embark on what will probably be the biggest journey of your life, for good or bad.

Childfree women are often told they'll never know real love, they're selfish, unnatural.

Women can't win - doesn't matter what we do.

I know there are exceptions, but few people get their social life through their adult children

I never wanted children for this reason. I wanted children because I love children and I think I’d be a good mother. However, it sadly wasn’t meant to be.

however, it’s not the social life from children in old age that many childless people think about but the care. There have been horror stories from some nursing homes and what frightens me, if I’m honest, are the thoughts of losing my mind in old age and no-one being close enough to notice or to protect or help me …

I have 3 kids , its been fun ,its also been bloody awful at times.
I am glad i have them but i can also see the other side and i know that life can be totally fulfilling without them.
I have no expectations of being looked after in my old age .
They are totally loved but i worry a lot about them and that can never be switched off, i think at times i annoy them and they definitely annoy me .
I do sometimes fantasise about a worry free life with no ties and responsibility.
Currently i am not enjoying being a mother to teenage /young adult children as much as i did when they were younger , the older ones need their own space now i think.
As in any relationship there are ups and downs , i think the mother and child one is probably the most intense.
No one can answer your question ,but as time passes i think if you do start to want them it becomes a very persistent niggle that you just can't ignore .
That became my experience after feeling a very definite no to kids until my mid 20's.