MIL is demanding DS has his hair cut

[Amee1992x]

My 5 year old son requested at Christmas time he could have longer hair, it's not long long perhaps keeps it at a young mason disick length.

My MIL has said he better have had a haircut before a family party later and she sick of him looking like a girl.

He has his ends trimmed every 6 weeks, hair isn't straggy or messy.

The deal was he can have his hair long as long as he takes care of it burshing it, having it out his face or up at school.

MIL has basically said not to bother coming when I told her DS isn't due a haircut for about 4 weeks.

So I think we just won't bother going AIBU?

As for schools, I work at an academy with a very strict uniform/dress code and several boys have near waist length hair. They have to tie it up for science and PE (as do the girls) but otherwise it's fine.

Good on you OP not MILs hair not her son, not her choice!

Referencing the school rules debate some commenters were having this is a screen print from Kings School in Winchester. My 14 year old nephew was forced to have his long hair cut as boys are not allowed hair longer than their collar. (But girls are) and boys are not allowed earrings (but girls are). My SIL actually raised a petition to try and avoid cutting her sons her but they would have none of it. It does make me wonder what they would do if they had a transgender or gender free student. Which school rules would apply since they have different rules for boys and girls? Most schools just say as long as the hair style isn't extreme and is tied back if longer than the collar for both boys and girls. Not all school unfortunately.

DS1 starts at a rather traditionally approached all boys school in September. They are allowed long hair if it is tied up neatly. They are not allowed shorter than a Grade 3 buzz cut, and no extreme shaving, colours etc. They are also allowed facial hair, if it is kept neat.

I don't understand this fear of looking like a girl. Like it's a really bad thing. Like it's terrible to be a girl. I'm always reminded of the Tony Porter quote 'If it would destroy a boy to be called a girl, what are we teaching them about girls?'.

DS2 has long mid back length blond ringlets (and his name is Lulu) and people often think he is a girl. I just shrug and smile and say he's a boy. They then gush about how sorry they are. I say it's okay - at 2years old it hardly matters, they are just toddlers. His rugby tots coach called him a girl tho and then made a real thing about apologising, again and again. Every week. Then i got an email from the head office saying 'no offence intended'. Like it was offensive to be called a girl when you are bloody 2 years old.

Anyway, rant over but not in my mind . Tell her you wont be cutting it and don't go.

My ILs always have something to say about my DC's hair, cannot understand why it is not cut like all the other grandkids.

Mum used to cut mine really short and I got sick of being called a boy.

I would turn up anyway, just to see if she will ask you to leave. Be prepared for comments but just brush them off with "are you really restricting your affection for your grandkids because of the length of their hair? Really?"

DS has been growing his hair since he was about 6 ... He's 16 now and can sit on it. The school seem rather proud of him - he's not the only proto viking there - as long as it's tied back in classes where it might get in the way it's a non-issue. Back in primary school one of the teachers made a big deal of him having to wear a hair band "Like a girl ..." for games and he just shrugged it off "Metallica aren't girls, Miss ... "

Don't miss the opportunity to have her apologise to him though - l raised hell and got Miss to say sorry. I'm usually quite pro-teacher, but that was both sexist and bang out of order.

Don't go.

Maybe your MIL was stressed over hosting? And if she's conservative in her views maybe she's embarrassed by how dgs looks, especially in front of her friends? Some people see non-conformity as threatening or find it hard to accept when closer to home.

But I'm glad she wants to apologise. Hopefully she's had time to reflect and realise - no matter what she might personally think - it certainly isn't worth risking her relationship with her dgs & you. Or maybe her friends have said 'don't be so silly' and she's had time to reflect and realise she's out of step?

My son had really long hair - and why the hell not ?! Why should boys have short hair ? YANBU at all. Tell her is is not her decision and boycott the family party if she is going to be silly about it. It is absolutely not up to her to dictate. It's his hair and you have all decided the rules. That's it. If I was you I would be livid but wouldn't enter into any discussions about it.

Tell her to mind her own business or better still tell him! to tell her to mind her own business...

Accept the apology and move on. And encourage your son to accept that she sees she got it wrong.

What does your OH have to say about it

Support your child in his decision as he is too young to stand up to her. I remember my grandmother telling me as a teenager that she did not like my blond highlights (not even wild ones just the usual) and me saying that I did. Her reply was that she had to look at them and I did not!

Tell mother in law to sod right off.

If your child wants long hair and you're ok with it, then it's no fucking business of anyone else. And don't go to the party.

Glad she apologised op.
As to the school rules comments my ds attends a mixed Grammar school and boys hair cannot be longer than collar length or dyed. I assume if you kick up a stink they'd tell you to attend another school. In fact they have all the same rules as a Winchester except they can't wear rings until 6th form but then only a wedding ring.

Let her do all the talking. Then tell her that you won't tolerate bullying. You will forgive her this time but you might not if she does a repeat

Haven't read all the thread but crikey, if this is all she has to worry about then she needs to get a life! Crazy control freakery!!

I'm glad that she's apologised to you. I'd let her apologise to ds because he needs to see that when you do something wrong, you apologise for it. But there's no way in hell would I be letting my ds spend any unsupervised time with her any time in the future! Gauruntee he'd end up coming home with "just a trim" or "he got him stuck in it so we had to cut it out!"
As for hair chalk, my step daughter has the blondest of blonde hairs and she hair chalks all the time, it always washes out :). She currently wants to dye it black (she's 12) so we're umming and ahhing about that.. even semi-permanent dyes would likely never wash out of hair that fair!

*"got gum stuck in his hair" that was meant to say. Dang autocorrect!

My father told my younger brother aged sixteen that he could not come to my mothers funeral unless he had his shoulder length hair cut. He did come though crept in and sat at the back I've never forgot it and it was fifty years ago. It was the last thing my mother would have wanted.

My own mum would get me to sit for a "trim" (total lie!) - and then the lot would be chopped! Yep I've had that done to me aswell, more than once.

It's a sad irony, I think, that parties used to be an opportunity to "let one's hair down" -- in other words, to be yourself! Too bad your MIL doesn't get it. She's the one who will be missing out, not your DS.

Sounds absolutely bonkers and ultra controlling. Unless she dyes her hair rainbow colours she presumably will no longer be allowed in your house! I'm really not keen on long hair on little boys personally and DS 5 has short hair. But if he expressed a preference to grow his hair, it's his hair so quite frankly can do what he likes so long as it adheres to school rules (suspect he'd cut it again very quickly as he lives at the swimming pool!)