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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL is demanding DS has his hair cut

152 replies

Amee1992x · 08/07/2017 15:09

My 5 year old son requested at Christmas time he could have longer hair, it's not long long perhaps keeps it at a young mason disick length.

My MIL has said he better have had a haircut before a family party later and she sick of him looking like a girl.

He has his ends trimmed every 6 weeks, hair isn't straggy or messy.

The deal was he can have his hair long as long as he takes care of it burshing it, having it out his face or up at school.

MIL has basically said not to bother coming when I told her DS isn't due a haircut for about 4 weeks.

So I think we just won't bother going AIBU?

OP posts:

winglesspegasus · 08/07/2017 16:15

It is said that the Gaelic Irish took great pride in their long hair—for example, a person could be forced to pay the heavy fine of two cows for shaving a man's head against his will.
one of many cultures to feel this way

BloodWorries · 08/07/2017 16:17

But I wouldn't be pandering to the style demands of 5yos either.

HAHAHAHAHA!

The poor kid wanted longer hair, he didn't insist on redecorating the entire house! His long hair has no effect on anyone, it's his hair. Why shouldn't he be the one to decide how it will look? Stuff like this really baffles me.

Original poster

Amee1992x · 08/07/2017 16:17

He's been asking to wash some hair chalk into it over the summer but he's like bleach blonde, wouldn't like it to stain 🙈! I try to look as normal as possible now I'm a mother I always said I'd dye my hair a normal colour when I got married and had kids but my husband disagrees he loves my hair 😂.

OP posts:

faithinthesound · 08/07/2017 16:21

I wouldn't be pandering to the style demands of 5yos either.

The child asked that he have his hair long, and his mother said yes, as long as he looks after it. How is that pandering?

It's not like he's thirteen, dyed his hair green despite his mother's lack of consent, then spent an evening tantruming and berating his mother for not taking him to the salon and paying to get it fixed, the Sunday before school started up and he would get into trouble for having green hair...

Because that was a thread on here, and there were plenty of people saying "just buy her a cheap box of dye, just take her to the salon and get it fixed, kids make mistakes". Now THAT sounded like pandering to me. (Me, I was firmly in the camp that the child had made her bed and ought to lie in it, and let that be a lesson in ignoring her mother.)

This situation is not pandering, it's teaching a child that his body is his own, and as long as he takes responsibility for hygiene and presentation and adheres to his school's dress code, he can make his own choices. To my mind, it is NEVER too young to teach a child that their body belongs to them and them alone, and letting a child grow his hair chin length is a very simple and low-impact of letting him have some agency over his own style.

pigeondujour · 08/07/2017 16:21

But I wouldn't be pandering to the style demands of 5yos either.

Give the fuck over, oddball.

originalbiglymavis · 08/07/2017 16:21

Let him have it. But isn't it hot this time of year? I've just had mine loved off as it was driving me nuts.

Original poster

Amee1992x · 08/07/2017 16:25

He normally has it in a top knot, hasn't said it annoys him. Iv a 20 inch weave the heat doesn't bother me either x

OP posts:

Increasinglymiddleaged · 08/07/2017 16:26

Um bollocks can a secondary school insist on a boy with long hair getting it cut. They may insist on it being tied back.

Hmmm... They may be able to if it's a boys only school as then it is just a rule that applies to all. Not that I'd understand why they'd want to anyway

She's mad OP, plan something else for the day of the party. I honestly can't believe anyone would give that much headspace to the style of a 5yos hair

Pengggwn · 08/07/2017 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pengggwn · 08/07/2017 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToastyFingers · 08/07/2017 16:29

That's a shame, as long as you don't use red or blue you might be alright, 'bleach london' dyes are quite subtle shades and fade out really well. I'm desperate to get the blue stains out of my hair so I can try a lovely raspberry shade I've got ready. Blue never comes out :(.

My husband loves mine too, even if it does turn the bedding a funny colour. I'll have to go back to work once the youngest goes to school so I'm taking full advantage of being able to have whatever hair I like now.

Nanny0gg · 08/07/2017 16:32

I was with you until Told him sometimes old people are just odd 😂

Because that's equally offensive.

RaspberryOverloadsOnIcepops · 08/07/2017 16:34

I try to look as normal as possible now I'm a mother Nah! don't worry about that

I'm 48, and just growing the colour out my hair. I've had a mid brown for years to cover a lot of grey (now white) that started coming in when I was only 20.

I recently began to grow it out, but it looked odd enough that I had the ends bleached to cover the brown so it didn't look too odd for a wedding. I rather like the blond effect, never having tried that colour before, so am now planning to go pale blonde all over. And maybe some under layers of blues and purples for fun.

Reason I mention this, is that DS and DD are egging me on. They like me as I am, and don't want normal.

You sound great, and so does your DS. Who cares about normal?

Original poster

Amee1992x · 08/07/2017 16:35

Toastyfingers I would love to let him colour his hair for summer, but we would need to have to cut it out if it didn't wash it 😔.

And I didn't want to agree and tell him his gran was mean, I didn't want to say she was nasty and didn't like his hair and I didn't want to tell him we weren't welcome at a party.

Odd might be offensive, but I'd rather he thought that than thinking his grandmother was a horrible bitch.

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 08/07/2017 16:35

Can't say I'd be fussed about missing a retirement party for a family friend (I'm assuming of your mother's generation). BUT, unless your mother is hosting I'd probably still put in an appearance, even if we only stayed for half hour, just to show the old besom that we will not be dictated to by the likes of her! At the very least I'd let the host/ess know that we weren't coming because 'my mother has told us we are not allowed to attend because she doesn't like DS's long hair'.

Original poster

Amee1992x · 08/07/2017 16:36

I cannot wait till the day I'm going grey 😂! I couldn't upkeep dyed grey hair but I'd rock old grey hair... my mum went grey in her 20s 🙈

OP posts:

riceuten · 08/07/2017 16:56

Um bollocks can a secondary school insist on a boy with long hair getting it cut. They may insist on it being tied back

Er, actually, they can and do prescribe precisely what length of hair and what style(s) of hair are acceptable. What makes you think that a school can't do this ?

ShmooBooMoo · 08/07/2017 17:01

She sounds like a miserable old moo who wouldn't know how to throw a party anyway. Tell her the hair is staying and that if his appearance means more to her than his attendance you'll gladly decline the invitation.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/07/2017 17:03

I have to agree that just not showing up is rude to the host who invited you, so I would be inclined to contact her and tell her the truth about why you are not coming.

ladyyyglittersparkles · 08/07/2017 17:04

Sounds like the sort of shite my MIL would have come out with. Thank god we are NC.
She took the huff with me because I wouldn't let her (a retired hairdresser) give DD her first hair cut. Bearing in mind she FUCKED MINE UP a couple of years earlier and had fucked up DSDs a couple of months earlier. The dick.

Leeds2 · 08/07/2017 17:07

I would probably ring the party giver, and explain that MIL has banned you from coming and why. MIL will probably then look a little foolish to her friends.
Is the host like to object to a boy having long hair?

Original poster

Amee1992x · 08/07/2017 17:10

She is hosting it, it's at her house. I have told her we won't be going, the family friends retirement card with her present has been left at MIL. Iv already let the family friend know I won't be there x

OP posts:

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 08/07/2017 17:15

Extreme hair long or short on boys at DD's secondary school is not allowed. So if he still has long hair in the future he may have to have it cut if the school insists

Um bollocks can a secondary school insist on a boy with long hair getting it cut. They may insist on it being tied back

Er, actually, they can and do prescribe precisely what length of hair and what style(s) of hair are acceptable. What makes you think that a school can't do this ?

They can't insist that boys cut their hair if they allow girls to have long hair. As a PP said if it's an all boys school and the rule applies to all pupils then yes they can, otherwise they can't.

teaandakitkat · 08/07/2017 17:17

She told you you're not welcome? That's awful. If you bump Iinto any of her friends be sure to let them know why you weren't there.

I have a long haired 11 yr old and I'm proud of him. He looks great and he doesn't let anyone make fun of him.

Once he was asked to leave a swimming pool because he wasn't properly dressed. The lifeguard assumed he was a girl because he has so much hair. We went up together to explain and we were laughing but the lifeguard was majorly embarrassed.

She should be proud of her grandson for being his own person, she's an idiot.

ItsNachoCheese · 08/07/2017 17:21

Id tell mil to take a running jump its not her hair to cut so has no bearing on her

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