Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL is demanding DS has his hair cut

152 replies

Amee1992x · 08/07/2017 15:09

My 5 year old son requested at Christmas time he could have longer hair, it's not long long perhaps keeps it at a young mason disick length.

My MIL has said he better have had a haircut before a family party later and she sick of him looking like a girl.

He has his ends trimmed every 6 weeks, hair isn't straggy or messy.

The deal was he can have his hair long as long as he takes care of it burshing it, having it out his face or up at school.

MIL has basically said not to bother coming when I told her DS isn't due a haircut for about 4 weeks.

So I think we just won't bother going AIBU?

OP posts:
Laiste · 08/07/2017 17:23

Good on you OP! Flowers

So good to read a thread where the OP is holding her own.

Awful for your DS to hear his gran dissing his hair - but just as you are doing - it's an opportunity to show him that it's not necessary to please everyone. Nor can everyone always be pleased.

I have to say i'd rather relish this situation under the circs. Great fun to cheerfully and simply - not go Grin Who's loss is it at the end of the day? (her's)

bumblingmum · 08/07/2017 17:27

Good for you OP. Sounds like MIL is very traditional but she shouldn't be pushing her preferences on you.
I really just came on to say that the hair chalk washes out fine. I put some in my girls hair for Halloween and it looked great on my very blonde DD and washed out with no problems. Put loads on my brunette daughter so you could see the colour and took a few more washes but also no problem.

Original poster
Amee1992x · 08/07/2017 17:40

Yeah she's always been a bit like this but not to the point where we weren't welcome at a function 🤷🏻‍♀️! We've had a nice evening reglardless. & I think I'll just order him some hair chalk he's a well behaved kid & it'll be good fun!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 08/07/2017 17:52

I didn't realize she was hosting.

I wonder what she'll tell the friend about your absence?

diddl · 08/07/2017 17:56

Well not only is she rude to her GS, but she's a shit hostess as it should be about who the retiree wants at the party!

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 08/07/2017 17:59

I'd be demanding MIL too keep her opinions to herself but it doesn't look like that will be happening anytime soon, so neither will your Ds be getting his hair cut short anytime soon.

ohfourfoxache · 08/07/2017 18:11

She's obviously a very stupid woman. She's jeopardising a relationship with her grandson over his hair? What an idiot Shock

Toysaurus · 08/07/2017 18:40

All schools I've looked at say no extreme hair styles. Long hair on a boy is not especially extreme. All the sad face stories in papers feature shaved bits, all shaved, mowies, colours etc.

I don't see any rules in the five or so secondary schools we've looked at that say boys hair must be short. If that was the case they must also force a rule on girls having hair a certain length too. Too long and they must forced to cut it short like boys as well. So that's why it's bollocks because it's something that is unworkable. We've looked around three local schools that are all Ofsted outstanding. Two are basic polo neck no blazer uniforms and children of both genders with a variety of hair lengths.

And If a school exists that insists boys must have short hair then it's not the school for us. Because I would consider it too twattish.

milliemolliemou · 08/07/2017 18:52

I'd be tempted to take a photo of your family all brushed and washed and send it in a photo frame ...

Foslady · 08/07/2017 19:00

My nan kept insisting to my mum when I was 5 that my hair was too long and to get it cut. Instead of being like you have been she buckles and I ended up with hair 2 inches long all over when it had been past my shoulders. I still remember crying because I no longer felt like I was me. The school bully had a field day and made my life hell.

Dd has long hair because that's what she wants, what she has always wanted. Her father and his partner keep hinting about her cutting it and eventually I did tell them to wind their necks in - when dd can tell them how to have their hair then I might be prepared to listen but probably not

Brittbugs80 · 08/07/2017 19:03

My child had waist length hair, it's now shoulder just above his shoulder. He wanted it long then got it cut and donated it to the Princess Trust.

Tell your MIL to fuck off. Not her child, not her hair.

I'm so glad I don't have a MIL to deal with!

Caretoomuch2017 · 08/07/2017 19:09

You Ds's body, his choice. Tell your MIL that her moustache offends you and she is not welcome in your home until she bleached/waxes it!
Seriously though, she has no respect for your DS's wishes. Good on you for letting him have his own body autonomy.

If she says he can't go and it's her party then don't go. Do something fun as a family that day instead and make some nice memories to blot out her ridiculous demands.

Original poster
Amee1992x · 08/07/2017 19:12

We had a picnic dinner and baked some cakes. Dads home and he's happy with that, my DH is going to speak to her tomorrow! All the lovely messages cheered him up x

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 08/07/2017 19:19

We have hair chalk here, DS is blond and loves it, washes out easily

milliemolliemou · 08/07/2017 20:03

And have friends whose sons have long surfer hair at good schools in Cornwall. Seems to be completely acceptable there.

mygorgeousmilo · 08/07/2017 20:11

I would quite honestly tell her to fuck off

Original poster
Amee1992x · 09/07/2017 16:41

DH spoke to his mother this morning, she text me to apologise and asked to come round to apologise to DS. Apology accepted but I don't know where to go from here

OP posts:
diddl · 09/07/2017 16:45

I don't think I'd be making much effort to contact her or falling over myself to see her if she asks.

So apology only after her son phoned her?Hmm

RandomMess · 09/07/2017 16:45

Well at least she has apologised, I guess you need to get a feel if there is genuine remorse/recognition of the wrongness of her behaviour.

Foslady · 09/07/2017 16:50

I'd keep the relationship going......but the next time she says anything she would be reminded of this incident.....

ColdAsIceCubes · 09/07/2017 16:50

I have always been alternative both my parents and fil struggled with that (my dh loves it btw) . My older dc are teenagers (14 and 13) and my 14yo ds is (within school rules) experimenting with his hair. Both sets of gp are agast that I'd let him do this, whilst remembering at his age I was doing exactly the same. I would say, accept the apology, if as MIL serious about it, but don't compromise your views for anybody!

alfagirl73 · 09/07/2017 16:55

Speaking as someone who was the subject of numerous horrific hair cuts as a child (my mum favoured easy no-effort at all ugly practical haircuts rather than letting me look like... well... a human child!) - I'd say allow her to apologise to your DS - if nothing else it's only right she does apologise and your son experiences her doing the right thing - even if it took your DH to speak to her first.

However, I'd be keeping contact rather limited and would be very very careful about allowing her to be alone with your DS for a while - in my experience, adults with a bee in their bonnet about a child needing a hair cut always find some way to make it happen! My own mum would get me to sit for a "trim" (total lie!) - and then the lot would be chopped! In the end I refused to let anyone near my hair for years - refused point blank until I was old enough to pay for my own hair cuts and to decide where I went for them!

Btw your DS' hair sounds so cute!

DerelictWreck · 09/07/2017 17:22

I think you handled that just right OP!

Only thing though, maybe a good chance to explain to DS that 'like a girl' isn't an insult? Obviously he's a 5 year old and will take things this way, could just be a really good conversation starter about why he shouldn't be upset about it and that he's a person who chose long hair first and foremost - screw anyone who tries to conform him either way!

Grin Sorry if that seems a bit heavy, just a thought!

zzzzz · 09/07/2017 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VestalVirgin · 09/07/2017 17:27

Who TF imposes a dress code on a 5 year old

It would be just as silly to think she can dictate how his hair looks to a 15 year old.

I wouldn't want to have much to do with her; she seems to be rather sexist. Not a good influence on your son.