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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a positive pregnancy test in DSDs bedroom. DH will want her out. What the fuck do I do.

705 replies

K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:21

I'm in actual genuine shock.

This isn't one of those "my teenage child is better behaved than your teenage child" because it isnt. She is far from perfect but She knows she can tell me anything and I will 100% support her decision on things.

Anyway- on to the topic.

DSD has been working hard all week and took DD out today as I was feeling unwell. She usually does her own laundry and ironing so I decided to do it for her today. Went to put some t shirts away in her drawers and found a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it (and I know this sounds odd in a way) but I haven't cleaned out any sanitary products from her bathroom bin in the last 2 or 3 months. I know she has been sleeping with someone and she insisted she was taking precautions but as we all know accidents can happen. I assumed she was on the pill as my periods stopped when I was on it a couple of years ago

I was out when she came back with DD and she is now at work until half 12. I'm going to sit and have a chat with her and I know she is either going to be really upset because she doesn't know what to do or angry because she feels I have invaded her personal space- I genuinely didn't go looking for it. I opened the drawer and saw the end peaking out of a pair of slipper socks and knew straight away what it was.

DH is going to be fuming and will probably want to kick her out (can say this with 90% certainty). I will support her decision 100%.

She is 18 (just)

OP posts:
ADayGivingMeHope · 08/07/2017 08:08

Oh gosh, the DH bashing here is ridiculous!
People often say things they don't mean.
He might have said it in a hope of deterring her.
After a bit of a shocked angry rage (which I think a lot of parents might have) then he will hopefully calm down.
Hope it went well OP!

PsychoPumpkin · 08/07/2017 08:08

I was pregnant at 18 and my parents were very disappointed, one was pretty angry to be honest.

By the time I had my daughter everyone had come around to the idea & mum was there at the birth.

They let me stay for 6 weeks, helped me find a flat in the village, helped me move, get settled in etc & honestly it was scary at the time to be gently nudged from the nest but I am so grateful they did that for me.

It was their way of saying, we support you but this is YOUR baby & your life now.

SoupDragon · 08/07/2017 08:09

While I don't agree with kicking her out of the home for getting pregnant...

But you apparently agree with trying to force someone to have a termination Confused

SparklyMagpie · 08/07/2017 08:10

Neutrogena i'm sorry but are you on this planet?

It's got fuck all to do with whether OP is ready to be a grandmother or not, it's not her or her husbands decision, it's her DSD

Can't quite believe your comment Angry

Leonardo44 · 08/07/2017 08:14

Whatever happens with DH, are you ready to be a grandmother? If not, don't let her have the baby

So the important thing is not how the DD feels about becoming an actual mother, or that her dad thinks being pregnant is some sort of crime, it's whether OP feels ready to become a grandmother? Hmm

Hopefully OP isn't as self-absorbed.

Allthebestnamesareused · 08/07/2017 08:16

Sometimes I think parents will say things like your DH says when it is merely a hypothetical thing, almost as a warning to not get into this situation. Quite often when faced with the reality of it happening they actually surprise you.

I am a bit sad I didn't see this last night as I would have said bring DSD home and have the discussion and only take her off to gran's if things get heated.

You may be surprised when faced with the reality that DH steps up to the plate and support his daughter.

At this point even the OP doesn't know what DSD wants so it may be some support to not have the baby rather than to have it but I am sure Op will be supportive either way.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 08/07/2017 08:29

I'd be upset if dd had a baby (she's 18) but I'd support her decision either way!
Your dh may just have said all that intending to put her off? Make her be super careful? But the fact you believe it is a tad worrying. He doesn't sound very nice 🙁 My dh is a misery guts in a lot of ways but he wouldn't ever be like that

Fletchasaurus · 08/07/2017 08:35

I feel for your situation op and I am hoping that dsd is feeling ok this morning!

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 08/07/2017 08:38

I hope it went well last night op, I'm sure she's glad to have you regardless of what else happens

topcat2014 · 08/07/2017 08:41

I was shocked initially when I thought it was the 'step' dad doing the kicking out.

Now it is the 'dad' I am truly embarrassed to be male.

Are we in 2017 or not!

ItWentInMyEye · 08/07/2017 08:43

You sound amazing OP Flowers

Flowersinyourhair · 08/07/2017 08:47

I hope it went well last night. All you can do really is listen to her and support her. I agree with pp that there's a reasonable chance her dad will have been spouting hot air. Unless there's a back story to his behaviour I'd give him the benefit of the doubt for now. She is his daughter after all.

BarbarianMum · 08/07/2017 08:47

Hug your step daughter. Support her. Then consider if it is sensible to be trying for a baby with a man who thinks it is ok to treat a child like that.

My dad is/was extremely Victorian in his attitudes, esp when it came to his daughters having sex out of wedlock. He would have have been ashamed, angry and disappointed had I got pregnant at 18 but even he would never have suggested throwing us out. And if he had, my mum would have burried him under the patio.

MsJolly · 08/07/2017 08:52

Hope all went well and things calm today

kittybiscuits · 08/07/2017 08:53

You sound like a great mum. Please don't leave your H. Kick him out.

RiversrunWoodville · 08/07/2017 08:54

Hope things are ok op Bear

qwertyuiop1234 · 08/07/2017 08:55

Just seen your thread and you sound great OP, your DSD is lucky to have someone like you to talk to.
I hope things went well last night and I hope she finds a way to make the right decision whatever that might be for her.

I was pregnant at 18 and my parents wanted me to have an abortion, it was a definite no in my eyes and my almost 4 year old son is the best thing that happened to me and to my whole family

RiversrunWoodville · 08/07/2017 08:55

Ffs iPhone fat fingers that should be Flowers

honeysucklejasmine · 08/07/2017 08:55

Hoping all went well last night.

DartmoorDoughnut · 08/07/2017 08:58

Hope all went ok Flowers

Theyhaveallbeenused2 · 08/07/2017 09:01

Hope all went well..dsd is lucky to have you.

Hedgehog80 · 08/07/2017 09:04

Hope it all went ok OP. You sound lovely and very supportive.
When I was 18 I got pregnant. I wanted my baby but I was forced to have a second trimester termination by my mother. It was horrendous. Threads like these always make me pleased that there are good parents out there who support their dc. I hope your dsd and you are both ok xx

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 08/07/2017 09:06

When I told my DM that I was pregnant at 19, she was shocked and sad but nothing but supportive of DP and I. She said she would tell my DDad and his reaction was weird. He wasn't angry or disappointed like I thought he would be. He actually shook my DP's hand. It took them a while to come to terms with it but by the time DD was born, they were both so excited. The same for MIL and FIL. All four of them adore DD and would do anything for all of us.

OP, you sound wonderful and I hope your DH surprises you.

AgainstTheOddsNo2 · 08/07/2017 09:09

The fact you support her no matter what speaks absolute volumes. The fact that this comes from a step rather than biological parent shows even more.

I really hope your dh shows as much good taste in his actions from here as he has shown in his taste for life partners.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/07/2017 09:12

Hope you are okay Sweet.💐
He may be in a rage at first, and say some unpleasant things, but hopefully he'll calm down, as the shock lessens.