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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a positive pregnancy test in DSDs bedroom. DH will want her out. What the fuck do I do.

705 replies

K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:21

I'm in actual genuine shock.

This isn't one of those "my teenage child is better behaved than your teenage child" because it isnt. She is far from perfect but She knows she can tell me anything and I will 100% support her decision on things.

Anyway- on to the topic.

DSD has been working hard all week and took DD out today as I was feeling unwell. She usually does her own laundry and ironing so I decided to do it for her today. Went to put some t shirts away in her drawers and found a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it (and I know this sounds odd in a way) but I haven't cleaned out any sanitary products from her bathroom bin in the last 2 or 3 months. I know she has been sleeping with someone and she insisted she was taking precautions but as we all know accidents can happen. I assumed she was on the pill as my periods stopped when I was on it a couple of years ago

I was out when she came back with DD and she is now at work until half 12. I'm going to sit and have a chat with her and I know she is either going to be really upset because she doesn't know what to do or angry because she feels I have invaded her personal space- I genuinely didn't go looking for it. I opened the drawer and saw the end peaking out of a pair of slipper socks and knew straight away what it was.

DH is going to be fuming and will probably want to kick her out (can say this with 90% certainty). I will support her decision 100%.

She is 18 (just)

OP posts:
ethelfleda · 08/07/2017 07:35

Hope all went ok OP Flowers

Hortonlovesahoo · 08/07/2017 07:36

How did she react OP?

TestTubeTeen · 08/07/2017 07:37

Talk to her.
If she plans to terminate, her Dad doesn't even need to know. She is 18, it is her choice, her confidential matter.

Screwinthetuna · 08/07/2017 07:38

How'd it go, op? I'm hoping that your DH has some compassion and understanding and that he pleasantly surprised you, if you've told him.

LavenderDoll · 08/07/2017 07:39

Your poor dsd
Hope she felt able to open up to you

happypoobum · 08/07/2017 07:40

Would your DH throw your DD out if she were pregnant? If so, why are you trying to have another child with such a wankbadger him?

I hope DSD is OK and that DH bark is worse than his bite.

AtSea1979 · 08/07/2017 07:42

Was hoping for an update. All seems very odd. Lots of wild assumptions. She might not be pregnant, she might have told her DF and asked him not to say anything, she might not want your DM to know, or stay with her, your DH might be absolutely fine with it. It seems you're the one acting like a headless chicken. Meeting her at midnight, arranging for her to sleep elsewhere, telling your DM. Why not just wait for her to get home and speak to her at some point over the weekend and see if it's hers and if she plans on keeping it. You have a few months until DH or your DM needed to know. She's an adult, not only were you in her drawers but you then told your DM whom she's close to about it. Maybe she wanted to tell her the good news in her own time.

MaccaPaccaismyNemesis · 08/07/2017 07:42

Hope it all goes well with DSD Brew

IDismyname · 08/07/2017 07:44

I know a few step mums, and none of them would do what you're doing.
You sound really lovely.

Fairybella · 08/07/2017 07:45

I got thrown out when I was pregnant.... didn't change a damn thing for me still wanted a baby and never went back... forever damaged that relationship with my mum though.

SoupDragon · 08/07/2017 07:45

In a way, the DH is irrelevant in this for now.

As someone else said, the DD is an adult and can proceed how she wants - at least she has the OP for support.

theboud · 08/07/2017 07:46

inspired That's terrible. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope you're getting support from outside your family.

ememem84 · 08/07/2017 07:47

You sound like a lovely stepmum. I hope you managed to chat with dsd and work something out. If the test was hers and if she's still pregnant she's going to need a lot of support whichever way she decides it goes.

Neutrogena · 08/07/2017 07:50

While I don't agree with kicking her out of the home for getting pregnant, your DH has obviously set clear rules that you didn't challenge at the time. Thus OP you're implicit I'm afraid.
This will be difficult so keep posting so we can help you.

happymumof4crazykids · 08/07/2017 07:55

Hope your DSD is ok op if she is pregnant she must be very scared :(

LittleWitch · 08/07/2017 07:57

inspired congratulations, sounds like you've cracked life and long may that continue. I don't understand those attitudes- it's a baby, really how bad can it be? 18 is a bit young, but many (most?) women of that age make perfectly good parents - I'm the child of a teen mum myself and she went on to do great things. People being arsey about someone in their 20s having a baby need to have a serious word with themselves.

burntoutmum · 08/07/2017 07:57

Your DSD is lucky to have such a supportive SM and SGM

Hope your DH takes it ok

lemondropcake · 08/07/2017 07:58

I have been that pregnant teenager in her situation before so here is what I would do.

Don't say anything to her for a bit. Let her come to terms with it, make her own decisions and give her a bit space for a week or two, by which time she mite come to you.
You don't want her kicking off and saying you have been going through her room and private things, so I would just explain you suspect she is pregnant because you found test in bin or what ever reason...

She may want to have an abortion and keep it a secret. She may want to keep it.
Depending on her relationship with this boy, from the sounds of it she may end up a single mum and at this age will probably put her career prospects in jeopardy and not be in a good financial state. I could be wrong of course, but that was my situation.

Everything has worked out for me now but it was a long hard slog.

Neutrogena · 08/07/2017 07:59

This reply has been deleted

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SoupDragon · 08/07/2017 08:02

If not, don't let her have the baby.

And just how do you see that panning out? You think it's acceptable for someone to tell another adult that they are having a termination??

VeryButchyRestingFace · 08/07/2017 08:04

If not, don't let her have the baby.

Her father kicking her out would still be an improvement on your advice.

dementedma · 08/07/2017 08:04

I wouldn't be happy if either of my dds had got pregnant while still living at home. I would have been as supportive as possible but certainly would not want a newborn added to an already cramped living space and would have been pretty pissed off to be honest. I wouldnt have "kicked them out" but certainly would have wanted them to have their own place to live as soon as possible.

mygorgeousmilo · 08/07/2017 08:04

I hope it went well OP

PsychoPumpkin · 08/07/2017 08:04

Neutragena if OPs DSD is pregnant she's 18 & therefore an adult. It's up to her if she wants to keep the baby!

'Don't let her have the baby'? Just, wow. Hmm

ethelfleda · 08/07/2017 08:06

If not, don't let her have the baby.

I'm beyond shocked at this comment!