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AIBU?

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Original poster

Found a positive pregnancy test in DSDs bedroom. DH will want her out. What the fuck do I do.

705 replies

K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:21

I'm in actual genuine shock.

This isn't one of those "my teenage child is better behaved than your teenage child" because it isnt. She is far from perfect but She knows she can tell me anything and I will 100% support her decision on things.

Anyway- on to the topic.

DSD has been working hard all week and took DD out today as I was feeling unwell. She usually does her own laundry and ironing so I decided to do it for her today. Went to put some t shirts away in her drawers and found a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it (and I know this sounds odd in a way) but I haven't cleaned out any sanitary products from her bathroom bin in the last 2 or 3 months. I know she has been sleeping with someone and she insisted she was taking precautions but as we all know accidents can happen. I assumed she was on the pill as my periods stopped when I was on it a couple of years ago

I was out when she came back with DD and she is now at work until half 12. I'm going to sit and have a chat with her and I know she is either going to be really upset because she doesn't know what to do or angry because she feels I have invaded her personal space- I genuinely didn't go looking for it. I opened the drawer and saw the end peaking out of a pair of slipper socks and knew straight away what it was.

DH is going to be fuming and will probably want to kick her out (can say this with 90% certainty). I will support her decision 100%.

She is 18 (just)

OP posts:
SasBel · 10/07/2017 23:30

Delurking for your update.
That sucks.
Thinking of your dsd, hope her pregnancy goes well.
Take care of yourself and the girls.
Hopefully everything will work out ok!

WhingyNinja · 10/07/2017 23:30

Ugh. What an absolute bastard your husband is, and what an absolute diamond you are! I'm so glad your DSD has you.

I do kind of wish I was a fly on the wall when he called the police though .. "Hello, yes! My daughter is pregnant and I DON'T LIKE IT!!!" 😳 what a fucking waste of their time, asshat.

You've hardly kidnapped his other daughter either, you've been gone a few hours, he knows where you are and knows you'll be back when he stops acting like a cock. IF he ever stops acting like a Victorian cock, that is.

ChishandFips33 · 10/07/2017 23:36

Just reflecting on this and on how the men in her life have let her down

Please let him know he is absolutely no better than the baby's father (and I hope he has just as many, if not more negative opinions about him as he does his daughter!)

I hope if your DSD has a little boy you can both help restore the male reputation

dinahmorris · 10/07/2017 23:36

You are an amazing step-mum!

Some words of encouragement:
My DSis fell pregnant when she was 18. It was a massive shock, but DM was so supportive of her decision to continue with the pregnancy. It was tough at first, but (5 years on) DSis and DNephew are the cutest thing I've ever seen. Their bond is incredible, DSis is the best mum I know and I could not be more proud of her, or of DM for her support.

dailymailarecunts · 10/07/2017 23:36

Oh love, I'm so sorry he's reacted that way. What on earth does he want the police to do?!

Your step daughter is lucky to have you Flowers

2017SoFarSoGood · 10/07/2017 23:41

What an idiot he is being. I'm so sorry you were right in your assessment of his reaction. He may calm down and realize how ridiculous he is, and he may not. You sound like you are totally strong enough to deal with whatever the outcome is. You are an amazing woman. Your DD and your DSD are very lucky to have you as a role model. Flowers

ilovegin112 · 10/07/2017 23:41

Is your husband violent?? I wonder why you didn't try and talk to him even though he flew of the handle, instead of walking out

MammaTJ · 10/07/2017 23:43

Well done for supporting your DSD, good luck to you both for the future.

I hope your husband comes to his senses quickly, but if not, you need the family home, for you and the two girls and baby!

If he doesn't like it, he can be the one to leave!

sadsquid · 10/07/2017 23:48

What does he think the police will do about his legally adult daughter and his wife staying away from home?? He's so adamant about his right to control her that he really thinks the police will be on his side? What a prince among men.

OP, you're being brilliant. Your DSD is very lucky to have you.

MeanAger · 11/07/2017 00:01

As awful as this situation is, I can't help thinking perhaps your DSD, DD and you are all better away from this terrifyingly controlling man! Surely even in the absence of your DSDs pregnancy he was like this and it was only a matter of time before you made the decision to leave and protect your DD. I mean this is who he is (with or without DSD giving him a reason to be mad) and that is not a safe person to raise a daughter with. Someone who would try and control you by phoning the police when you left him? That's scary. Please don't go back to him whether he calms down or not.

BlueKarou · 11/07/2017 00:56

What shitty men your dsd has in her life. First the baby's father and now her own father.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, OP. You sound fairly sure your marriage is over. Is it typical of your husband to fly off the handle like this? Thank goodness your mum is supportive.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 11/07/2017 02:25

I'd be really interested to know what the police said? Bizarre behaviour.

Really glad for dsd she has you and your mum.

BackAwayFatty · 11/07/2017 03:04

Well done for sticking by her! Hopefully your husband comes round & you can move forward as a family!

Atenco · 11/07/2017 03:55

Thinking of you, OP. I'm so glad your dsd has you and your mum.

Doubledottvremote · 11/07/2017 04:41

Bastard

HPandBaconSandwiches · 11/07/2017 05:01

I am so sorry.

I'm not sure I could ever forgive my husband this. I hope he comes back to you begging forgiveness, but I'm not convinced he will.

I know despite your strength that you're bound to be devastated about the impact on your marriage, but in all honesty, could you respect someone who behaved like this? Would he do the same to your own daughter?

What an ignorant fool he is, to lose his family for 19th century societal rules. Idiot.

mathanxiety · 11/07/2017 05:21

What a horrible little man he is.

I would like to know what the heck he wants to tell the police - that you have spirited 'his' younger child away somewhere and are keeping her away form him, or that his older child is pregnant and he wants them to go after the father with a shotgun...

Interested in the police response Hmm.

Maybe the ott calling the police while very angry and in full throttle misogynistic mood will be a good thing if/when you apply for custody of DD.

I hope you will keep your DD away from this angry, hateful man.

Flowers to you and DSD and DD too.
And to your mum.

mathanxiety · 11/07/2017 05:24

I don't think it's 19th century - though that was the time when men blatantly got away with the notion that women in their families were their property, with virginity their only value.

Plenty of men still think their partners, wives and daughters are their property.

mathanxiety · 11/07/2017 05:25

OP, sorry to post in dribs and drabs, but if he utters any threat to you, your mum, DSD or DD, please take it seriously and go to the police yourself.

blueskyinmarch · 11/07/2017 05:54

I am so sorry your DG reacted the way he did. He. Really has shown his true colours. You on the other hand are amazing. Your DSD needs people like you and your mum in her life. I wish you all well.

Neutrogena · 11/07/2017 06:09

He sounds an idiot but perhaps he has unresolved issues with teen pregnancy. I'm sure he will settle down.
Let's face it - hearing your teenage daughter is pregnant is a very big shock.
Also, his pride his hurt as he has explicitly warned against this, so he feels his daughter is rubbing his authority in his face.

He's a fool now but will come round probably.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 11/07/2017 06:23

I'm so sorry your 'D'H is being like this. I really hope he can come around properly and see that he was being a dick head.

mathanxiety · 11/07/2017 06:24

'He feels his daughter is rubbing his authority in his face'...

He will need a personality transplant and a completely different way of looking at himself and other people, and where he stands in relation to other people, especially women but also other men, and the topic of 'authority'.

This is highly unlikely. Very few angry, controlling, entitled men change.

sashh · 11/07/2017 06:32

You sound like a fab mum to your own child and your DSD.

This may or may not help but I have taught a young mother, had her baby at 15, took year out then went back to school and on to college.

I also worked with a Dr who had her dd at 17 and again took a year out before going to uni so if she chooses to have her baby their are options (including finance for childcare).

Why did your DH call the police? Did I miss something?

Roomba · 11/07/2017 06:57

So sorry your DH has behaved this way.

If you DSD does go ahead and keep the baby, from my experience the uni will do everything they possibly can to help her. I found out I was pregnant when I was due to start a PGCE course and I was gutted as I'd worked so, so hard to get onto it. I thought that was it, I'd never be able to do it now. My uni were brilliant and allowed me to defer, then offered me lots of support after I started (though I must have been mad doing a PGCE with a small baby as a single parent, I am glad I did it!)