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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a positive pregnancy test in DSDs bedroom. DH will want her out. What the fuck do I do.

705 replies

K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:21

I'm in actual genuine shock.

This isn't one of those "my teenage child is better behaved than your teenage child" because it isnt. She is far from perfect but She knows she can tell me anything and I will 100% support her decision on things.

Anyway- on to the topic.

DSD has been working hard all week and took DD out today as I was feeling unwell. She usually does her own laundry and ironing so I decided to do it for her today. Went to put some t shirts away in her drawers and found a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it (and I know this sounds odd in a way) but I haven't cleaned out any sanitary products from her bathroom bin in the last 2 or 3 months. I know she has been sleeping with someone and she insisted she was taking precautions but as we all know accidents can happen. I assumed she was on the pill as my periods stopped when I was on it a couple of years ago

I was out when she came back with DD and she is now at work until half 12. I'm going to sit and have a chat with her and I know she is either going to be really upset because she doesn't know what to do or angry because she feels I have invaded her personal space- I genuinely didn't go looking for it. I opened the drawer and saw the end peaking out of a pair of slipper socks and knew straight away what it was.

DH is going to be fuming and will probably want to kick her out (can say this with 90% certainty). I will support her decision 100%.

She is 18 (just)

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 10/07/2017 22:23

I think its the 3 yo he wants to come home. Although, the fact that she is with her mother, who moved out, along with her sister, isnt really going to interest the police.

Original poster
K1092902 · 10/07/2017 22:24

Yes he was Charlie. They divorced when DSD was 9 and we got together 18 months later.

Thank you everyone. Currently having a good sob while mum talks to 101 as DH has texted saying he's called the police.

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 10/07/2017 22:25

Does he have some warped sense of ownership over his daughters? Sounds like he does.

DeadGood · 10/07/2017 22:25

Well done OP. Many people would have stayed home and hoped for the best.

Your husband is about to feel the strength of your resolve. Idiot. Stay strong - your stepdaughter is so lucky to have you and your mum.

DeadGood · 10/07/2017 22:26

He has called the police and ... said what? What a complete fool. He should be ashamed of himself.

ArchieStar · 10/07/2017 22:26

Well done OP, I'm sure your DSD will never forget how you've helped her through this!

pinkspeckle · 10/07/2017 22:26

Not really comparable but my DF kicked off when I told him I was pg with DD now 11. Stormed out of the house and didn't speak to me for 3 days! He obviously came around and he and DD are now inseparable!! Hope things work out for you all Flowers

NameChange30 · 10/07/2017 22:29

Christ he sounds awful, why on earth did he phone the police?!

Has he ever lost his temper and gone all lord of the manor over "his" house and "his" daughters before?

Questioningeverything · 10/07/2017 22:29

Oh op I'm so sorry. I've been following but not commented to now.
You're amazing, you know that right? You're being such a wonderful mum and what a fantastic example of a strong woman you're setting to your dsd who will be having her own journey as a mother.
She has enough to go through now, the pregnancy and all that brings plus knowing her own mum won't ever meet her grandchild. Poor love must be all over the place.
Your husband needs to gather all the toys he's thrown out of his bloody pram and get a grip. He can choose to lose his entire family or realise that it's not all about him and welcome the latest addition. I really hope he accepts this and fast, with a huge apology for all of you

iogo · 10/07/2017 22:31

You are amazing OP. My advice would only echo that of many here. She's lucky to have you and so will your new grandchild. Everything works out In the end and true colours will out. You've shown yours and your strength and he's certainly shown his and his weakness.

What an arse. Police indeed.

My very next wishes to you and your DSD. xx

Charlie97 · 10/07/2017 22:33

Why did they divorce? May I ask? X

MyOtherProfile · 10/07/2017 22:38

What on earth has he called the police for? Hope they gave him a talking to.

Emboo19 · 10/07/2017 22:38

I'm very sorry your DH reacted like that OP, your DSD is lucky to have you.
My mum was 17 when she got pregnant with me and my grandparents reacted like your DH, although they quickly changed their mind and said she could go home, she never did.
Lots of other issues between them tbf, but I know my grandfather in particular regrets that initial response.

I had my own DD at 19, I was supposed to start uni in September, DD was born in October. I had a unconditional offer to my first choice too.
It's not easy but it's not as hard as everyone made out either. There's a fair bit of support out there, her midwife will hopefully point her in the right direction.
Just keep supporting her and she'll figure it all out.
I'll be starting uni this September instead, so it doesn't have to end her hopes for that.

MsSusanStoHelit · 10/07/2017 22:42

You're a hero for your stepdaughter, I'm so glad she's got a couple of kind and sensible women in her life to support her.

And I'm so sorry your husband is an arse. What a vile thing to do to his bereaved daughter.

ohfourfoxache · 10/07/2017 22:43

Oh K I'm so sorry Sad

I'm so, so sorry Sad

What the actual fuck has he called the sodding police for? What the fuck does he think they'll do?

Catsize · 10/07/2017 22:44

What's he called the police for?! To dial a pizza? 🍟🍕

Birdsbeesandtrees · 10/07/2017 22:45

What an arseholes. You on the other hand sound fantastic !

DeadGood · 10/07/2017 22:46

"He can choose to lose his entire family or realise that it's not all about him and welcome the latest addition. "

I see agree with this. OP if I were you I would change the pronouns and send this to your husband verbatim!

TestTubeTeen · 10/07/2017 22:48

Goodness, how very upsetting.

Does he go off at the deep end and then calm down? How can he be so cruel? To his dd who lost her own Mum?

Really sorry, OP.

furryelephant · 10/07/2017 22:48

Oh no Sadit's horrible for you both.

He may well change his mind, my dad did similar when he found out I was pregnant but by the next evening had apologised and has been nothing but supportive since.

Hope you are both doing okay, she is so so lucky to have you OP! Wine(Cakefor DSD!)

JenTeale · 10/07/2017 22:49

Your H sounds awful, and it seems that you knew that anyway.

You have shown immense fortitude and are clearly a strong woman and a terrific mum.

I hope that this is the beginning of a good new life for you and both your daughters.

acatcalledjohn · 10/07/2017 22:50

Oh OP, I've been reading this thread hoping that your were wrong about your husband. I'm so sorry that you weren't.

You sound bloody amazing, as do your parents. Your DSD is lucky to have you.

Wishing your DSD, you and your DD all the strength and support you could possibly wish for.

ChishandFips33 · 10/07/2017 22:52

Wow he's really shown his colours tonight

That's a big kick in the teeth to your DSD which I suspect is why he's demanding her home He wants one daughter but not the other!

I really can't say enough how amazing you and your mum are to your DSD and I'm so sorry it's turned out this way

His loss

TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville · 10/07/2017 22:52

Hi OP.

What a distressing time for you and your DSD. She sounds as though she has made up her mind about the pregnancy.

Can I give her some words of courage, from my own experience?

I fell pregnant many moons ago at the end of my first year of University. I kept the baby, and finished my degree. The uni were supportive and I had extra help with nursery fees (there was an excellent nursery at uni for the children of staff and students) and a bit of extra monetary help from the government.

I then did a masters and got a good job, was able to support my DS (now 24). I did had supportive parents (though they were shocked, initially) but no help, financially or practically from the father of my child.

I got a good job after my masters and though it was tough, and financially it took me a while to get back on my feet, I have no regrets.

My son was the best thing to ever happen to me. We have an amazing relationship, helped I am sure by the fact that I was younger having him, and that we both remember the years where we struggled when I was a single parent, working FT.

He is a wonderful young man, and everyone who meets him loves him. He graduated himself last year and is currently travelling around the world having the time of his life.

It is your DSD's pregnancy, her life, her choice. Thank goodness she has you.

I am optimistic that her dad will soften. Sending you both lots of love, xxx

Butterymuffin · 10/07/2017 22:53

What an idiot he is. He will lose his entire family this way.

As for 'his' house, I think that should be challenged.