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Found a positive pregnancy test in DSDs bedroom. DH will want her out. What the fuck do I do.

705 replies

K1092902 · 07/07/2017 22:21

I'm in actual genuine shock.

This isn't one of those "my teenage child is better behaved than your teenage child" because it isnt. She is far from perfect but She knows she can tell me anything and I will 100% support her decision on things.

Anyway- on to the topic.

DSD has been working hard all week and took DD out today as I was feeling unwell. She usually does her own laundry and ironing so I decided to do it for her today. Went to put some t shirts away in her drawers and found a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it (and I know this sounds odd in a way) but I haven't cleaned out any sanitary products from her bathroom bin in the last 2 or 3 months. I know she has been sleeping with someone and she insisted she was taking precautions but as we all know accidents can happen. I assumed she was on the pill as my periods stopped when I was on it a couple of years ago

I was out when she came back with DD and she is now at work until half 12. I'm going to sit and have a chat with her and I know she is either going to be really upset because she doesn't know what to do or angry because she feels I have invaded her personal space- I genuinely didn't go looking for it. I opened the drawer and saw the end peaking out of a pair of slipper socks and knew straight away what it was.

DH is going to be fuming and will probably want to kick her out (can say this with 90% certainty). I will support her decision 100%.

She is 18 (just)

OP posts:
FructoseTart · 10/07/2017 20:26

After RTFT,
I had a child at 17, I didn't want a DC, my DM was with me when I found out. She insisted I couldn't have an abortion (I wouldn't have anyway) but my DF didn't speak to me for weeks. I dropped out of college when DC was born, DM and DF we're very hands on and helped me out tremendously. I suffered with PND and had a very hard 2 years. I didn't bond for 6 months.
DC is now 9, but often wonder where I could have gone if I didn't have her.
I restarted my course last year.
It is all down to personal preference of you DSD. I think you've done a tremendous job of supporting her and leaving her to go through her own emotions.
Good luck for tonight Flowers

QuackPorridgeBacon · 10/07/2017 20:30

Hope all goes well. Good luck with whatever she chooses.

ChishandFips33 · 10/07/2017 20:39

Hoping things turn out to be more positive than your first thought FlowersWine

OhBigHairyBollocks · 10/07/2017 20:54

I hope this has the ending that DSD wants with the support of her dad.

You are a wonderful woman OP.

GeekyWombat · 10/07/2017 20:55

Thinking of you and DSD tonight OP. Hope the conversation goes better than you fear.

redrobinblue · 10/07/2017 20:57

@QuiteLikely5 she's almost 18 and doing her own laundry - surely that's what most 17 year olds do? Me and my DS did, and I'll certainly not be doing DC laundry when they're that age. Hardly shows what the family set up is.

gingerbreadmam · 10/07/2017 21:05

good luck with dsd tonite. What dp says and does will hopefully be two different things as if often the case when faced with the reality. sounds like dsd has some really valuable support in you and your dm.

DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 10/07/2017 21:23

I hope your DH surprises you OP, and your DSD ends up with one less thing to worry about.

Charlie97 · 10/07/2017 21:58

Calm is the way forward, I hope it all turns out as well as we can all hope.

Flowers
qwertyuiop1234 · 10/07/2017 22:00

I can't stop thinking about your DSD and this situation, I hope everything has gone ok.
Even if he's unhappy right now a few days and he may come to his senses. My parents were devastated and I stopped at my boyfriends for a few days while things settled down. They weren't mad just gutted and wanted me to have an abortion, but within a month they were so excited about having a baby in the family!

RiversrunWoodville · 10/07/2017 22:00

Fingers and toes crossed for dsd and for you too op

K1092902 · 10/07/2017 22:10

Hi everyone

So DH reacted as expected and we are staying at my mums.

DSD couldn't go through with telling him after sitting in KFC car park for an hour. I went and told him and he flipped his lid saying she's not welcome back in "his" house. Told him I was leaving and it would stay that way until he comes to his senses.

Has since called demanding DD comes home and apparently is going to call the police Hmm.

I'm devastated. Mostly for DSD who is trying really hard to be strong right now but I can't help but think this might be the end of my marriage Sad

She has decided she wants to keep the baby. I can't help but admire her guts if I'm honest I don't think I'd have the bottle at her age- and she knows how challenging it can be as DD (who is 3 so DSD remembers her as a tiny baby) can be a handful to say the least.

OP posts:
SafeToCross · 10/07/2017 22:12

You are doing the right thing. It is these tough moments when we find out who we really are, and you are standing up for her in an amazing way. Hugs to you both.

NameChange30 · 10/07/2017 22:14

I am so sorry for you both that he's reacted so badly. What a complete bastard.

Glad you can go to your mums and hope she's giving you both lots of TLC.

Obviously it won't be the first thing on your minds right now but please do make sure your DSD makes a midwife/GP appointment ASAP as she will need antenatal care, scans etc, and I don't know if there is any specialist support for young mums but hopefully there is and they could point her in the right direction.

Flowers
Ruralretreating · 10/07/2017 22:15

You poor things, hopefully he will calm down and realise how much you all mean to him. You are a really incredible step-mum, both your girls are lucky to have you (and your DM). Flowers in admiration.

NotQuiteNorbert · 10/07/2017 22:16

I don't have anything useful to add, I just wanted to say I'm so glad your sd has you.

Violetcharlotte · 10/07/2017 22:17

So sorry to hear he reacted like this. What an absolute bastard. You sound like an amazing step Mum and DSD sounds like a lovely girl, so I'm sure things will work out just fine, although it'll be rocky for a while.

I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason Flowers

QuackPorridgeBacon · 10/07/2017 22:18

I am so sorry this has happened, and I am so sorry your marriage could end out of this. I am amazed by you though and I admire you putting your daughters before your husband, I am in awe of the bravery you and his daughter are showing and I'm glad to witness two people who are strong.

I don't know what will happen now but I wish you the best of luck and I hope his daughter can continue to stay strong knowing she has you. Your mum sounds amazing also, thank you to her for giving you all a safe place.

I really don't know what else to say and I have no advice, again I am sorry it has come to this. SadFlowers

Charlie97 · 10/07/2017 22:18

Oh shit, I'm sorry!

What more can I say?

Give DSD a hug

LML83 · 10/07/2017 22:18

Sorry to hear this. I really hoped he would surprise you.

Hopefully he will calm down and it will still work out ok.

Admire you for putting DSD first.

ophiotaurus · 10/07/2017 22:18

How horrible for you both. I had really hoped he wouldn't react that way Sad

Charlie97 · 10/07/2017 22:19

OP, did you say DH was divorced from DSD"s mum? Prior to her death?

MommaGee · 10/07/2017 22:20

Oh OP 😔 he really is a Dick. You and your Mom are wonderful though and your doing tube right thing.

Is he normally so controlling or is their an "issue" underlying this complete over reaction?

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 10/07/2017 22:22

So sorry to hear it went as you'd feared - but you are an amazing stepmum, and I'm so glad your DSD has you there for her. (And back in the day when I was a lecturer in higher ed, I taught a number of young women who'd either had babies as teenagers then gone on to university, or who managed to look after babies/small children while mothers - they were truly amazing, but they showed me that teen pregnancy can go hand in hand with following your ambitions and achieving great things. One of my best moments was a graduation with 4 generations of women at it - the student, her daughter, her mum and her granny - a really great occasion.)

I'd love to be a fly on the wall if your "D"H phones the police.

"Yes sir... so you threw her out for being pregnant... and she's an adult who's old enough to vote... and now you want us to force her to come back... I think you'll find, sir, that the 19th century ended some time ago..."

Silverdream · 10/07/2017 22:22

Your DSD is incredibly lucky to have you in her life. I'm sorry your H is acting so badly.