Found a positive pregnancy test in DSDs bedroom. DH will want her out. What the fuck do I do.

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I'm in actual genuine shock.

This isn't one of those "my teenage child is better behaved than your teenage child" because it isnt. She is far from perfect but She knows she can tell me anything and I will 100% support her decision on things.

Anyway- on to the topic.

DSD has been working hard all week and took DD out today as I was feeling unwell. She usually does her own laundry and ironing so I decided to do it for her today. Went to put some t shirts away in her drawers and found a positive pregnancy test. Thinking about it (and I know this sounds odd in a way) but I haven't cleaned out any sanitary products from her bathroom bin in the last 2 or 3 months. I know she has been sleeping with someone and she insisted she was taking precautions but as we all know accidents can happen. I assumed she was on the pill as my periods stopped when I was on it a couple of years ago

I was out when she came back with DD and she is now at work until half 12. I'm going to sit and have a chat with her and I know she is either going to be really upset because she doesn't know what to do or angry because she feels I have invaded her personal space- I genuinely didn't go looking for it. I opened the drawer and saw the end peaking out of a pair of slipper socks and knew straight away what it was.

DH is going to be fuming and will probably want to kick her out (can say this with 90% certainty). I will support her decision 100%.

She is 18 (just)

She ought to be able to get a scan through normal means very, very quickly. I doubt private scanning centres are the right place for someone who still doesn't know what they want to do about a pregnancy.

" then he never needs to know."

Whilst he doesn't need to know, that is a very big secret to keep from a partner in a committed relationship. I really think the OP needs to think about herself in this situation too.

Marie Stoppes may be a good place to call if you have one near you; I think many centres offer counseling, scans and terminations.

I had DS at 21 I was in my final year of uni. I ended up being a single mother and was unable to return to my course and got a job to support us. I love DS but in hindsight I was still finding my way in life and made life difficult for a couple of years. I was lucky to have such a supportive parents who took me and DS in when we ended up homeless due to ex. This is a decision she will have to come to on her own terms but she is lucky to have you.

When DP and I first found out I was pregnant, my DP said "Oh shit! Well, I'll be here no matter what! I love you!" I knew then that he was the one for me. I knew before that I loved him more than I'd ever loved anyone else but this confirmed it in my mind. I was 19, he was 21. I was just coming to the end of my first year of teacher training.

We had to make the same decision your DSD has to make. Keep the baby, abortion or adoption. Both DP and I couldn't even cope with the idea of adoption. We both knew that, if we carried on the pregnancy, we would want to guarantee that the baby would have a good life and we couldn't do that if we didn't keep it.

So it was between keeping the baby and abortion. We actually made the decision not to keep the baby but the more I thought about, the more I knew I couldn't give up my baby. DD is 3 and a 1/2 now, I took one year out of uni and now I'm just coming to the end of my NQT year.

OP, please give your DD a big squeeze from one teenage mother to another. Whatever decision she makes, even if it is right for her, she will need all the love and support you have to offer. None of them are easy options.

They usually cost no more than £70-£100 and you usually get pics and a video of baby moving

I have never known early pregnancy scans (private) to give videos of baby moving

I find it quite appalling that a clinic would knowingly provide a woman in dsd's shoes with a video of the "baby".

Tell him you've some very bad news and tell him his dd has cancer.

WTAF?!

You got there before me, Computer

Unbefuckinglievable.

Yeah, don't tell him she has cancer. That will just make him angry when he finds out you lied. By all means, put it into perspective for him but after you have told him the truth.

PLEASE tell me i havn't just read a poster tell the OP to tell her husband his daughtee has cancer - to put things into perspective?!

What an absolute vile, sickening comment to make

You should be ashamed of yourself !

To the poster who said the last thing she needs is a scan to see the baby. I actually think the poster who suggested a scan was suggesting it in case she's too far along for an abortion! Gosh. Why be so mean.

You sound so kind and understanding. Just the type of person you'd need on your side in this situation. I do however think that your dh might not be as black/white as he has stated. It's easy to say these things as a random opinion but when the shit hits the fan it might be very different....

You love him, you must think he's a good man.

OP you are handling this so well. You are being such a fantastic mum.

Please don't tell him she has cancer.

Please tell him nothing. It's your dsd decision to say anything at all

You have to have a scan before an abortion to confirm dates; also if it's early enough you can have a medical abortion rather than a surgical abortion.

She is very lucky to have an amazing step mum like you for support.
I hope that dh surprises you is as supportive as you.

I'm not making light of cancer far from it. My dm was taken by cancer very recently. But it might make him think for those few seconds before telling him the real news that she doesn't that there are far far worse things that she could be telling him right now and in the greater scheme of things being pregnant is not one of them. Obviously you'd be telling straight after that as in immediately after that

requestingsunshine, what the actual fuck.

Op, what a wonderfully thoughtful and compassionate person you are. Your dsd will be fine whatever the outcome.
There has been a fair bit of bashing towards your dh here which is a bit unfair as he doesn't actually know and therefore hasn't reacted at all yet.
As a parent, I wouldn't want my dc to get pregnant at such a young age. I did it myself and of course have managed, but it's not ideal and in many ways, it's not what I'd choose for my dc.
If any of them came to tell me they were expecting a baby at 18, I can't deny i would be in shock and very worried about their future. My kneejerk reaction wouldn't be the same as an outsiders viewpoint looking in, and I'd like to think that I would hide my initial feelings of misgiving and would have a bit of time to come to terms with the news.
Now, I'm not saying ops DH is going to be fine about it, or react like a kid would when told they're going to Disneyland, but until we know how he actually does react, it's all just projection.
Op, I wish you all well, and I'm sure your dsd understands she's got an absolute gem for a stepmother. Good luck

At that age, in a similar situation, i romanticised having a baby. I had a termination for many reasons and found it a struggle at the time. Absolutely no regrets now. Seriously glad that that was the route my, slightly idealistic, self chose.

Have three children now.

@requestingsunshine are you on glue?

I dont think that the OP is keeping a secret from her DH though, she is keeping a confidence from and for her DSD and that is a very different thing.

The fact is that he has no automatic right to know anything about his DD, she is an adult, it is her body, her pregnancy and her decision. The OP has been asked to not discuss it with anyone else, including the DH, and thats what she is doing.

If he does indeed chuck DSD out because she is pregnant and kick off at the OP for not telling him then he is not the father or the husband that he should be.