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To cross the street when I'm walking behind a woman at night?

201 replies

HarrietFTW · 07/07/2017 16:46

I've always done this and I thought it was the right thing to do but when I told a woman at work I did it she got all offended and upset with me.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 09/07/2017 17:59

I didn't know this was a thing.

Sallystyle · 09/07/2017 19:55

My husband always does this.

I actually walked home with my mum at 3.30am this morning. We came back from a concert and decided instead of getting a taxi from the coach stop we would jump off near mine and walk the short distance. We were followed by a man and a woman in a car doing 3MPH laughing their heads off at us. We were petrified. I wish I got the number plate now. The bloke just wanted to scare us. The woman thought it was funny.

I am pissed off today that we felt guilty for a while for putting ourselves in danger when we should be able to walk down the road without anyone following us simply to intimidate us. I'm not sure I will ever take the risk now as it shook us up so badly. At one point I thought we were either going to be raped or kidnapped.

DH didn't pick us up because he was asleep and unaware we were walking.

So I am grateful when men cross over the road at night. My husband is a huge man and he looks scary. He is well aware that he might seem unintentionally threatening to women if he is behind them late at night.

Weebitty · 09/07/2017 20:01

I remember once walking back to my flat late one night....there was a man behind me and I could hear him. as I turned along different roads he kept following... we were getting further from the main drags and into little windy roads etc. I picked up pace... he was still there. every turn I took he did. I eventually all but ran along the final stretch to my flat... quickly got my keys out... he was still coming. it was only when he got ten feet away I realised it was my neighbour. I was so annoyed and basically told him never to do that to a woman again. I suggested he should have either held back a bit/crossed or shouted hello/identified himself as my neighbour. it had been dark so I hadn't realised. he was very sheepish when he realised what a fright I'd gotten.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/07/2017 20:12

Thank you- it's a really thoughtful thing to do...
Especially if you cross over and speed up, so I can see you!

VladmirsPoutine · 09/07/2017 20:30

But why should men have to do this? Are we assuming that all men are potentially attacking knife-wielding rapists?

It just doesn't follow.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/07/2017 20:32

Should I also tell my muslim godson not to carry a backpack on the underground and avoid growing a beard?

BertrandRussell · 09/07/2017 20:38

"But why should men have to do this? Are we assuming that all men are potentially attacking knife-wielding rapists?"

No. But we are assuming that all knife wielding rapists are men. Rather different.

lljkk · 09/07/2017 20:39

Not just men, I don't like anyone following behind me on the street. So I appreciate OP thinking this thru & making the shared space more comfortable for all. I'm twitchy because I got jumped on (from pedestrian behind) about 24 yrs ago while walking down a dark road. I pushed the guy away & shouted rebukes while chasing him down the road. But I'm still twitchy about anyone following behind.

I still go out alone & always will. I just don't let folk follow me like that now. I'd cross the road if OP didn't.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/07/2017 20:44

BertrandRussell Can you expand further on your point?
I usually tend to agree with you on many other threads but I'm not sure where you're coming from on this one.

WeyHay · 09/07/2017 20:44

I think it's a really considerate thing, so thank you.

I've suggested it generally to men I know, and they get all offended as they're not attackers of women. They don't seem to realise that women who don't know them don't know that, and they can show that they're no threat by deliberately giving women space.

I judge men who protest at this simple, friendly, empathetic thing to do.

So bravo! OP

PinkBuffalo · 09/07/2017 20:59

I think Weyhay has put into words what I wanted to say Smile

WeyHay · 09/07/2017 21:07

And for thosewho say "Why should men have to do this?"

I was walking through a park in the summer once. My spidey sense started to get really jangly - I turned around to find a strange man practically on my heels. As I stopped & turned around, he yelled in my face "Don't worry, I wasn't going to fuck ya" - which made me think that was exactly what he'd been thinking about.

It was broad daylight in a park in the city - not a dark lonely place - I felt very unsafe.

WeyHay · 09/07/2017 21:07

PinkBuffalo Smile Flowers

BertrandRussell · 09/07/2017 21:23

The vast majority of violence-street, domestic, all types of violence is carried out by men. Until men acknowledge this and do something about it nothing will change. And currently mostly what men say is "Oh but not all men are like that" and "How dare you suggest all men are knife wielding rapists " Instead of saying "Yes, I am one of a class of people who commit most violent attacks. I will do what I can to show that I am not like that"

PerkingFaintly · 09/07/2017 21:23

Men don't have to do this, Vladimir.

But it's a courteous thing to do, man or woman (but especially men, given the statistics) if you're following someone in a lonely place at night.

amusedbush · 09/07/2017 21:27

I would be very appreciative if someone did this while I was walking alone. There has been more than one occasion where I've sped up to an uncomfortable pace with my keys between my knuckles because I've felt so unsafe with someone behind me.

Ginlovinglady · 09/07/2017 21:31

I don't care what people say about should it or shouldn't it be right
It's fucking scary when someone is walking close behind you in certain scenarios
How many actual Muslims are terrorists out of all of them. FUCK all is the answer
How many women are assaulted or raped
A lot.
Jesus who would ever use that comparison other than some twat on here

WeyHay · 09/07/2017 21:35

The vast majority of violence-street, domestic, all types of violence is carried out by men. Until men acknowledge this and do something about it nothing will change

A Friend of mine has a theory that ALL men (even the good, non-violent ones) should pay an extra 1% on their tax, to cover the costs of male violence. And I'd add, to cover the costs of male advantage, and their ingrained higher salaries, pensions etc. And also all the deadbeat divorced fathers who don't contribute half of what their children actually cost to raise.

Then perhaps peer pressure would sort out the bad 'uns.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/07/2017 21:37

Ginlovinglady You are cherry picking stats.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/07/2017 21:39

WeyHay But where does your friend's theory end? Should a black man pay extra and a gay man less, for example?

enoughisenough12 · 09/07/2017 21:43

I'm yet another woman who has been followed home (by two men) and then attacked by them. So I join the majority on here who are appreciative when men cross the road when they're following me. It's thoughtful and reassuring.

IloveBanff · 09/07/2017 21:44

M00nUnit "When I read this post my first thought was to wonder if you were the man who was walking behind me when I was on my way home last night. He was making me really nervous (I've been feeling this way a lot since I got mugged on holiday a few weeks ago) and I really wished he'd cross over the road."

Who was your post aimed at M00nUnit? Not the OP surely. Confused

ocelot41 · 09/07/2017 21:44

Thank you - what a thoughtful thing to do. I would appreciate it

SparkleMotions · 09/07/2017 21:52

I'd appreciate this, it's a thoughtful thing to do and shows that you care about other people's feelings, I wish other guys would do this, I get nervous when I'm walking alone and know someone is behind me.

BertrandRussell · 09/07/2017 21:59

"Should a black man pay extra and a gay man less, for example?"

Now why would you think that? I would think very carefully before you answer............

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