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To cross the street when I'm walking behind a woman at night?

201 replies

HarrietFTW · 07/07/2017 16:46

I've always done this and I thought it was the right thing to do but when I told a woman at work I did it she got all offended and upset with me.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 07/07/2017 17:09


birdsdestiny · 07/07/2017 17:11

It's the right thing to do. You can tell her MN told you so.

PuntasticUsername · 07/07/2017 17:13

Absolutely, I appreciate it when men do this. Thankyou.

Loopy567 · 07/07/2017 17:14

I would appreciate if all men did. I was followed once, I turned around as I couldn't access where I was going. When I passed this man on the return he not only crossed the path to walk right by me, but he then turned around as well to follow me again. I ran as fast I could out of there. I've never forgotten

PoorYorick · 07/07/2017 17:15

No, that's a very good thing to do. Thank you and keep doing it.

squishysquirmy · 07/07/2017 17:18

YANBU - I think you are doing a considerate thing.
You may be lovely, but the woman walking in front of you can't know that and, what is more, you have no idea what her past experiences are, and whether she feels particularly anxious or vulnerable.
Don't know why the woman at work was offended, but it is possible that she can't understand other women feeling threatened simply because she doesn't feel threatened. Some people are like that, male and female. Not much point in bringing it up with her in future though (its a conversation with plenty of potential to turn weird), I'd just let it go.

Pollaidh · 07/07/2017 17:19

It's a nice thoughtful thing to do. I'm always appreciative and since I've explained why DH now makes sure to do it as well.

Kalamatanostrils · 07/07/2017 17:19

A guy I was mates with years ago was told at University to do this.

Sparklingbrook · 07/07/2017 17:21

It's a good idea. How did it come up in conversation and what was her problem with it?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 07/07/2017 17:21

You are a Gent OP.😀

Cheerybigbottom · 07/07/2017 17:21

It's a kind thing to do. I was attacked and stabbed 11 years ago. I was walking home after work on a dark Feb evening, I heard joggers footsteps behind me and thought nothing of it.

For many years, 6+ I'd be alarmed at footsteps behind me at night and always stop to let people go past. I got many funny looks! To see you cross the road would have made me feel better.

I'm sorry you have to do that though. I don't want my son growing up and crossing the street to apologise for his mere presence as a male near someone but I admit it's something that alarmed me for a long time.

ellestyle · 07/07/2017 17:22

Some people are offended at anything OP, i would appreciate a man doing this, ignore your work mate.

FaFoutis · 07/07/2017 17:23

It's the right thing to do but don't talk about it. It suggests you are enjoying your male power a bit too much.

IllBeAtTheSpa · 07/07/2017 17:23

Yanbu at all

I remember my dad telling me when I was a little girl that he always did this when walking down the street at night.

I appreciate it and I have been in a situation where I've felt intimidated by a man walking too close down the street so I would say your colleague has never been in a situation where she felt vulnerable or uncomfortable

VeryButchyRestingFace · 07/07/2017 17:25

Very thoughtful, it's the right thing to do. Unfortunately there aren't enough of your ilk around.

If I'm out at night, and feel uncomfortable by someone's proximity walking behind me in an isolated spot, I stop dead and rummage in my handbag as if for keys or pretend that I've just received a phone call. And let that person overtake. So they're in front and I can see them.

winglesspegasus · 07/07/2017 17:26

dh and i both tall
6'4 and 5'10 in bare feet add boots and we soar
we have been told we are intimidating when walking side by side
we also walk fast
we always cross over if solo woman is in front.
when alone i appreciate when someone does this.
so thank you op

PerkingFaintly · 07/07/2017 17:26

I appreciate it when men do this.

For advanced Considerateness, walk on the other side ahead of me.

I can see you, I can see how far away are, and I know you're not just following wherever I go.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 07/07/2017 17:26

I don't know why your colleague would be offended by this. It's a free country and you can walk on whichever side of the road you want. There is no downside to what you're doing, either the woman in front of you will be relieved that you have crossed, in which case you've done a kind thing, or she won't care either way, in which case you've done a neutral thing.

faithinthesound · 07/07/2017 17:29

You are a breath of fresh air, OP. I can remember in the not too distant past a thread where the male OP took the opposite stance: couldn't understand why walking behind women was seen as threatening and considered being advised to cross the road to give her some space as an affront to him personally. Because he was a Nice Guy, and we all should have known that, don't ya know.

You, on the other hand, sound like you're actually a nice guy. Because you're thinking about these things. Because you're actively doing something to minimize the fear your size and gender can inspire in women, especially alone, especially at night. Because you're not acting like it's a hassle, or that we're crazy and overreacting to prefer you to do this.

No, OP. You do you, exactly like you're doing. People who get offended at you being considerate, are just looking for reasons to get offended, and would find a reason no matter WHAT you were doing.

chips4teaplease · 07/07/2017 17:31

By crossing the road and not frightening women, you are doing a kind thing, being considerate, being a decent person. Keep at it, more people should be like you.

birdsdestiny · 07/07/2017 17:34

I remember that thread, faith, now he was an arse.

PerkingFaintly · 07/07/2017 17:37

I once saw some "advice," back in the days of separate-compartment train carriages, suggesting a man should get out and move to another compartment if he found himself alone with a woman.


If you're the sort of bloke who's considerate enough to think about not scaring a woman, you're also the sort I want in my compartment when a nasty one turns up.

I'd MUCH rather spend the journey scared of a nice guy than actually be attacked by a nasty one.

Foniks · 07/07/2017 17:40

I was surprised to find out lots of guys I know do this.

AtHomeDadGlos · 07/07/2017 17:43

What? So all blokes are rapists then. And all blokes should cross the street to avoid walking behind a woman? What nonsense.

Notmyrealname85 · 07/07/2017 17:47

That's very considerate OP - big thanks for doing this.

One thing I can add to the list - we get a lot of runners in our area. I give them lots of space - but we seem to have a habit of them going so close they almost clip you. At night, and from behind especially, it is scary.

Thank you for thinking of others :)

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