To cross the street when I'm walking behind a woman at night?

[HarrietFTW]

I've always done this and I thought it was the right thing to do but when I told a woman at work I did it she got all offended and upset with me.

"What? So all blokes are rapists then"

Yep. That is exactly what everyone on this thread is saying. Congratulations on your grasp of the situation!

I do this whether it's a man or a woman - and I'm a woman. I walk really quickly so am likely to overtake so I always cross over. I would find it disconcerting to have someone approach you quickly from behind.

I was attacked by 2 men when I was walking home from work once, thankfully I got away 'in time' but I was injured.

I try not to be wary of walking anywhere and try to think logically (I also don't think that all men are out to get me!) but it's still intimidating when some one walks behind me, especially if they're a faster walker so they end up right behind me. I'm also 5'11 and not exactly slight in size so many people I think, think that I'm almost too big to be intimidated maybe.

In any case I want to thank you for being incredibly thoughtful. Things like this mean a lot to a lot of people, men and women alike.

What? So all blokes are rapists then. And all blokes should cross the street to avoid walking behind a woman?

Exactamente, mon petit chouchou. 🌟

Also, particularly to the all men are rapists. My friend was stabbed and mugged 3 years ago, he has been known to have panic attacks at the thought of some one walking behind him. This isn't an all men are rapists thing.

You could just speed up and walk past, as an alternative.

YANBU. Although I don't agree that men are bastards if they choose not to cross the road when walking behind a woman at night. No more than I think Muslim men are bastards if they choose to get on the tube wearing a rucksack. You're a law abiding citizen and should be free to go about your life as normal. As a woman I'd think it was nice if the man crossed the road in those circumstances, but it's his choice.

I think this is a really kind gesture. YANBU.

I'm a normal looking female and live on a street that gets lots of through foot traffic from the local bus stop. My house is 1/3 of the way down on the side people walk on - I often nearly catch people by the time they reach my gate. It's bloody awkward striking a balance of not scaring people vs. not compromising my own safety.

What? So all blokes are rapists then. And all blokes should cross the street to avoid walking behind a woman?

Unfortunately, rapists, muggers, etc, don't come with shiny neon warning signs above their head.
A woman has no way of knowing whether the man walking behind her at night is a would be attacker or whether he's a decent man who wouldn't dream of attacking anyone.

Which is why most women appreciate it when the man crosses the road to avoid walking behind her.

If you have an issue with this, you should direct your hurt feelings and sense of being offended towards the men who attack women, the men who give women a valid reason to be wary of men who walk behind them at night.

It's a considerate thing to do. Nice for your friend that she can get offended, perhaps she's never been followed, flashed, wanked at, mugged or sexually assaulted? I have and I'm not unusually unlucky, just been a girl and woman for a few decades. Many women are terrified of men and with good cause.

I do this also. I was more or less told to when I was younger by my late grandfather. And ultimately, if he did it, it is probably the right thing to do!!!

As for the OP, I would imagine the lady in question is the type that gets "offended" when men hold open the door.... (Don't all jump on me for that, it's borne of experience)

What? So all blokes are rapists then. And all blokes should cross the street to avoid walking behind a woman? What nonsense.

Sigh. I despise the #notallmen thing, but I'll wade in and give it a go.

No, not all men. But enough men that statistically, the gamble isn't worth my life/mental health. Enough men that I can open just about any newspaper and read about a woman who has been assaulted by a man. Enough men that I am afraid when men walk behind me at night.

Now, if you're a nice guy, you'll realize this is what society has done to us, and make your choices accordingly. Because no, you're not a rapist, but you're also not the kind of person who wants to inflict unnecessary fear on another person purely for the sake of feeling like you're not being called A Bad Guy.

If, on the other hand, you are a Nice Guy (tm), you'll blame The Feminists for fomenting insurrection, for inciting riots, and for giving men a bad name. You'll continue doing exactly what you want, because your sense of "I'm not doing anything, stop overreacting" is more important to you than letting women walk down the streets without fear is. Because nuts to them, right???

It's up to you. You can be a nice guy, like the OP. Or you can be a Nice Guy, and keep making selfish, pathetic, passive aggressive comments on the internet that only serve to show women how right they are to be wary. You can cross the street to give women peace of mind, no matter how nice you and your mama know you are, or you can continue to be part of the problem, by insisting that your right to walk on a specific side of the street trumps their right to feel safe.

Honestly, I'm just glad that most men who think the way you do, do it so vocally.

It makes you easier to avoid.

Very well said faithinthesound

You may find this article about a phenomenon called Schrodinger's Rapist an enlightening read. If you bother reading it at all, that is. You don't seem the type to want to improve yourself or the way you appear to people around you.

There's also this article which helps explain the Schrodinger's Rapist post a little more in depth, in case the first one doesn't make as much sense as you'd like.

I don't think it's necessarily "right" or "wrong" but it's conscientious and nice of you to do. No, not all men are rapists, AtHomeDadGlos, but I think there are quite a few people who'd be put at ease by this because people feel vulnerable at night. I'm sure you wouldn't like to feel as though you were being followed at night either by a male or female.

I think it's a thoughtful thing to do.

I'm female but when I run in the evenings I take care not to run up behind people and cross the road if it's possible. It's horrid to make someone wary or frightened if you can avoid it.

I think it's an OK and thoughtful thing to do, but don't do what a guy did while I crossed the road so he wasn't behind me, and shout 'It's alright, love, I wasn't thinking of interfering with you!'

As a woman, i would personally cross the road if it was dark and somebody was walking behind me, so i would be relieved if u was the one to cross. I kind of think congratulations to you for understanding that women can feel very vulnerable so you change that! On behalf of many women...thank you!

If you want to. I don't know why she's so offended.
I wouldn't expect it, or want a bloke to do it for me though.

Yanbu - but your colleague is

It's a thoughtful thing to do. Unlike the cunts who deliberately ran up behind me to frighten me then got offended when I yelled at them.

Its the right thing to do

YAB lovely! It is a really thoughtful and considerate thing to do. If I noticed you do it, would make me feel really appreciative :)

I'm sure there's been lots of times that I haven't registered that a man (or woman too maybe!?!) has done this, so let me thank you all now for the kind gesture!

I think it is a great thing to do, my dad always did it and I still think fondly of him whenever I'm walking at night and wishing the guy behind me was on the other side of the road.