Help me with a "Hell no!" reply, please.

[AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley]

Seriously- someone left the gate open at Cheeky Fuckerland this week!

It's my birthday in 9 days. (Actually, it's my bday on Monday- but I'm celebrating in 9 days). I don't usually do anything, but it seems like an absolute age since we all got together, so I've organized a curry night at home. A few mates and their kids, music, etc.

I've got a whatsapp group (lazy, couldn't be arsed to send the same text 170 times😂), which the girl in question is a part of. It's been a bit of a riot on there (people suggesting silly themes, etc, all good fun). She hasn't said a word on it.

She pinged me privately and said "my five are excited about next Saturday- they love Aunty Radley's cooking", etc, etc. And then the clanger (I think)

"What time is (my DH) picking them up? It'll have to be before 3 because I've arranged to go out".

Um...HUH?

I said she must have got her wires crossed- she was invited WITH the DC, and I've askrd everyone to arrive at about 5.30-6! (This is why I mentioned the Whatsapp group btw- these details have been mentioned several times on there, with people joking that they'd be arriving by private jet 😂).

Answer: "They'll be fine coming to yours early. I'll bang their sleeping bags in the boot and DH can drop them off about 3pm on Sunday".

I haven't replied.

I don't want to be responsible for five other kids without their parent there! We have no room for them to sleep over either! My DC share a room in a two bedroomed apartment. It'll be a squeeze getting everyone in on Saturday night, but that's always part of the fun.

In a nutshell:

Am I being selfish? I want to let my hair down as much as I can that night- anyone who's read my other active thread will know it's been a stressful month, and I need it!

If IANBU, please help me craft a reply.

If IABU and completely selfish, help me somehow work out a sleepover arrangement? How practical is it to squeeze 7 kids into one roome? (DB will be sleeping over in the lounge, and he snores like a lawnmower on acid, so impossible to share a room with, much as I love him)

?????

How did she get the impression that your birthday would be celebrated by looking after her children overnight?

Total pisstake and you are in no way being selfish.

Hopefully someone will be along soon to with a more elegant and constructive response than 'do fuck off, dear' which is all I can currently think of.

Happy birthday for Monday! 🥂

The reply is:

I think you have misunderstood. You were invited as a family. If you are unable to attend that is fine but it would be not only inappropriate but also inconvenient for your kids to attend alone and stay over.

I am sure we'll all be able to get together for some family fun soon what with the school holidays approaching.

It's a shame you can't come but I appreciate that we all lead busy lives.

"Oh dear, crossed wires here, I think..."

I suppose it all depends on whether you want to have a row with her.

I'd go along the lines of: 'Sorry, you must have misunderstood. This is my birthday party to which you are invited, and you can bring the DC along. No unaccompanied DC, and no-one before 5:30"

Hahaha she's having a giraffe!
Tell her to jog on.

Message back right now saying "sorry but if you are not coming then we cannot have the kids. It is my birthday and I want to relax and not have to worry about extra kids. Let me know if you can come."

@:Allthebestnamesareused has it PERFECTLY

YANBU! You need to be clear. I'd say something like 'No children at the party without a responsible parent I'm afraid! That's a shame if you guys can't make it but we can organise a kids focused thing another time. Kicking out time for all will be X. All bed/floor space has already been claimed!

I would say you are planning on having quite a few drinks and do not want to be responsible for 5 related kids, you could say other people are sleeping in your kids room so your kids will be in with so no more room at the inn.

Of course Fuck off you cheeky hint is also an acceptable answer

Just text "Do you REALLY think that I'm going to babysit your kids for my birthday?"

"Haha! You almost had me there! That would be the shittest birthday ever looking after someone else's kids for them! I take it you'll all be here at 6?"

Yes just "oops, sorry, you've gotten the wrong end of the stick somehow! No sleepovers, and definitely no pick ups! Shame you're not coming, it's going to be a blast. We'll see you all some other time. X"

Oh, sorry for the confusion. It's just Saturday night and DB is staying over so there just won't be room for your DCs to stay. I was also hoping to see you too. Never mind. You and the kids can come another time. Tell them it's a shame this date didn't work for you all.

"Hi Cheeky Fucker.
Unfortunately we can't do pick ups and drop offs as we can't fit your 5 kids in our car. Plus DH will be helping me celebrate my birthday.
I think you've got the wrong end of the stick as we can't have them to stay either, our flat is too small.
Will you and your kids still be coming?
Hope to see you soon
Radley"

I really hope you're a troll as I hate to think there are real people out there like this.

What Imperial said! She's a piss taker and she knows it. Don't give a nice reply. Short and to the point.

I'd modify VikingVolva's response "You've misunderstood , you're welcome as a family, but not unaccompanied children by themselves, and no one before 5.30. If you can't make it together then we can do something at a later date"

Why on earth would she think someone would want to look after someone elses kids on their birthday so she can go out? Madness.

Happy Birthday, here's 5 children to look after.

Erm, NO FUCKING WAY.

I'd text her back that she fooled you for a minute but of course you realise she's obviously joking. You feel so silly because nobody's that cheeky!

I would reply; no you really have got the wrong end of the stick, it's my birthday celebration not a sleepover for the kids. DC are welcome if you're coming too but I wasn't planning on taking on extras to look after, it is my birthday after all! Hope that clears things up and that you can ALL make it but if not I'm sure I'll see you all soon'. Any good OP? And yes, it's definitely cheeky fucker season

Play stupid....

"...great, see at ours at 5.30 on Saturday...can't wait"

followed by

...."can you bring your home made trifle and a few bottles?"

That is shocking

Reply with what vikingvolva said.

"It's my birthday, no unaccompanied children or anyone arriving before 5:30. Sorry you can't make it".

Crazy woman.

Why on earth would she think that is OK?

It's your birthday! Jesus!

Sorry my love a sleepover for your kids is just not even remotely possible and was never suggested. They would be obviously very welcome if accompanying you but not if they don't have a parent with them to be responsible for them, and all guests will be leaving by midnight except DB. Let's organise a family get together a different day, how about (suggest 2 dates).