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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a cheeky thing to ask?

163 replies

gardendispute · 06/07/2017 14:39

I have namechanged for this as it is potentially outing.
I own a property with a small mortgage which my dsis lives in, she has lived there for approximately five years. Dsis pays just enough rent to cover the mortgage and costs such as buildings insurance, which is around half of the amount that it would fetch on the open rental market. This situation came about as we were due to move out when dsis needed somewhere to live, so we held of renting or selling it and she moved in. This is a family sized home and dsis lives there by herself.

The aibu is that i have asked dsis if i would be able to use the large garden on the house for my baby dc's birthday party as it has large patio doors leading from the kitchen and a decking area, our own garden is currently in the process of being done up. It would be a small family party with no small children from outside of the family, so no chance of her possessions being ruined. I asked her as a favour as i am doing her a massive favour by letting her live there, her response was that no you can't as i dont want people walking on my grass, technically its not even her grass!
Is she being unreasonable or should i be treating her like any other tenant, even though she is my sister? Am i expecting too much from her and being cheeky? I need an outsiders perspective on this please! I am prepared to accept that i may be being unreasonable.

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 06/07/2017 14:41

I think you are being a bit unreasonable actually. If she was 'any other tenant' would you ask to use the garden?

SillyLittleBiscuit · 06/07/2017 14:41

She is unreasonable. I'd like to hold my niece or nephew's party even if it was my grass (not theirs!)

CoraPirbright · 06/07/2017 14:42

If your sis was paying the ful market amount then I would agree with her refusal but given that she is only paying around half of what you would get, I thnk she is bloody cheeky to refuse, esp as its a small, family only do.

HandbagCrazy · 06/07/2017 14:42

I think you're being a bit cheeky, sorry!

You mention that it's not her grass etc, but when you rent somewhere, it becomes your home, much more than the landlords imo.

If you're unhappy with her not paying market rent, then increase what you charge her, however, as she is paying you, you need to approach it as a landlord, not a sister situation, accept that she has said no and book a hall or something instead.

HairsprayBabe · 06/07/2017 14:43

Depends how close you are to your sister, in my family this would be 100% ok and fine. If you are super business like and only comms are about the house then maybe not!

redfairy · 06/07/2017 14:43

It doesn't seem very sisterly but it is her home, she is paying rent (no matter at what rate)
Would you feel less entitled to ask if she paid market rent because that's how it comes across?

PsychoPumpkin · 06/07/2017 14:44

I'm conflicted.

If my landlord asked to use my garden for a party i'd say no. But as you say, you're doing her a favour, as she's living in your house for less than you'd charge a stranger & it's for her niece/nephew's party.

I don't think you were cheeky to ask, it's family after all, but I don't suppose there's much you can do if she's said no.

Floralnomad · 06/07/2017 14:45

YAB a bit cheeky to ask but she is BVU to say no particularly as her rent is so low , my sister always hosted my children's parties when they were small , is she generally a crap aunt or is this a one off .

divadee · 06/07/2017 14:45

Bit of both in my opinion. You are doing her a massive favour by only charging her half rent but I can see why as it's "her home" while she rents it she feels put out.

But then I'm a fiery cow sometimes and this would get my back up and I would Jack her rent up and then when I have calmed down feel bad Blush

PinkHeart5911 · 06/07/2017 14:45

I'd say she's getting a bloody good deal as she's paying 1/2 the rent for a family home she would if she rented from the open market and your a family member asking for a favour so it wouldn't of killed her to give you something back really would it.

If she wants to be treated like any other tenant, maybe she would like starting to pay market rent???

No I don't think you were cheeky.

Original poster
gardendispute · 06/07/2017 14:46

I just assumed that asking for a favour in return for a favour would be ok! We are usually very close, we see each other a couple of times a week usually, so this is why i was shocked and confused when she refused and it seems weird.

OP posts:
steppemum · 06/07/2017 14:47

Unreasonable.
But I am not surprised.

3 times I have let a flat out to people I knew. Twice I bent over backwards to be reasonable and they got the hump and told everyone how mean I was.
One of those we waited 6 months to give her notice as I had said I would definitely not ask her to leave before Christmas. Then circumstances changed I and I wanted to sell the flat in August. I stuck to my word and gave her notice for end of December, ie 4 months notice, at my inconvenience, and said if she found anywhere I wouldn't charge her rent form the day she moved out. All to be nice. Oh and it was at 10 % below market rent anyway.

I came back in December to sort out now empty flat to discover all our mutual friends thought I had been really mean, kicked her out with no notice etc etc.

People go really odd over things like this.

I would be tempted to reply.
OK, we won't have the party at your house. I just thought that seeing as how I am doing you a favour by renting it to you at £xxx per month below market rent, you might have done this small favour for me.

If you did treat her llike a commercial tenant though, you couldn't have even asked about the garden!

AyeAmarok · 06/07/2017 14:49

It's not very sisterly, regardless of the fact that it's your house.

If she wants to have the rights of any other tenant, and the favours only go one way, then maybe don't be so generous with the reduced rent and make it a proper business transaction.

steppemum · 06/07/2017 14:50

SHE is being unreasonable

dudsville · 06/07/2017 14:50

If I was living in my family's accommodation ane they made this request is think it was fair. If I didn't like it I could always move, but personally this wouldn't bother me.

ginnystonic · 06/07/2017 14:56

Perhaps if she wants to act like a 'real' tenant she needs to start paying 'real' rent. I think she's being very ungrateful.

GinSwigmore · 06/07/2017 14:56

YANBU
It's a family do so no different to asking her to host at Xmas for example but on this occasion, you are providing the food and drink and it's her DN.
The arrangement however is going to cause more trouble than this. Five years is quite a long time with no set contract in place. Particularly if you haven't been declaring the rent. I foresee that she will feel she has a stake in the house because she has been "paying" the mortgage for so long. If she feels it is her garden, she already feels entitled to it.

CremeFresh · 06/07/2017 14:57

Cheap rent or not surely families help each other out don't they ?

Do you normally get on or are there underlying issues ?

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 06/07/2017 14:57

Yes she's a tenant but she's also a family member. None of my family would have a problem with this in fact they may have suggested it themselves. She's not obliged to do it of course but I'm not sure this is to do with being a tenant is it? More to do with a member of your family not willing to help you out even though you've been willing to help them out. If she wants to be treated purely like a tenant then do so and charge market value.

ImperialBlether · 06/07/2017 14:59

Is she expecting to be invited to this party? She could sing for that!

I think it's time to put the rent up. She's made it clear that she wants a tenant/landlord relationship as far as the house is concerned, so I'd let her have one.

GinSwigmore · 06/07/2017 15:00

^apologies if she has a rolling tenancy and it's all been some legally as opposes to a favour. If that's the case she could feel saying No is appropriate because as a tenant she has rights to privacy and resents the intrusion (but as it's family not a class of toddlers running amok I'm still aghast).

GinSwigmore · 06/07/2017 15:00

^apologies if she has a rolling tenancy and it's all been some legally as opposes to a favour. If that's the case she could feel saying No is appropriate because as a tenant she has rights to privacy and resents the intrusion (but as it's family not a class of toddlers running amok I'm still aghast).

GinSwigmore · 06/07/2017 15:00

done
opposed
Bloody sausage fingers

summerlovinggirl · 06/07/2017 15:01

Personally this would really hack me off, especially as it's for her niece or nephew. I'd be inclined to give her notice that she either moves out or pays the going rate for renting your house. Harsh I know, but if she's clearly forgotten that you're actually doing her a favour.

Floggingmolly · 06/07/2017 15:02

I'd do it for a family member irregardless of whether they were subsidising my housing costs or not. Very odd response if you generally get on.