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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a cheeky thing to ask?

163 replies

gardendispute · 06/07/2017 14:39

I have namechanged for this as it is potentially outing.
I own a property with a small mortgage which my dsis lives in, she has lived there for approximately five years. Dsis pays just enough rent to cover the mortgage and costs such as buildings insurance, which is around half of the amount that it would fetch on the open rental market. This situation came about as we were due to move out when dsis needed somewhere to live, so we held of renting or selling it and she moved in. This is a family sized home and dsis lives there by herself.

The aibu is that i have asked dsis if i would be able to use the large garden on the house for my baby dc's birthday party as it has large patio doors leading from the kitchen and a decking area, our own garden is currently in the process of being done up. It would be a small family party with no small children from outside of the family, so no chance of her possessions being ruined. I asked her as a favour as i am doing her a massive favour by letting her live there, her response was that no you can't as i dont want people walking on my grass, technically its not even her grass!
Is she being unreasonable or should i be treating her like any other tenant, even though she is my sister? Am i expecting too much from her and being cheeky? I need an outsiders perspective on this please! I am prepared to accept that i may be being unreasonable.

OP posts:
TheFlis12345 · 06/07/2017 15:18

Tell her you'll need to put the rent up to pay for another party venue!

WillRikersExtraNipple · 06/07/2017 15:19

How is the sister losing it? confused

She's getting the rent for half what anyone else would be paying, so she is losing OP huge amounts of money by living there at a large discount.
(really shouldn't have to explain that!)

Lemonnaise · 06/07/2017 15:21

Your sister is totally bang out of order. Maybe she needs a little reminder of what a good deal she's getting.

Original poster
gardendispute · 06/07/2017 15:21

I never ask her for favours, in fact she borrowed my lawn mower a few weeks ago and hasn't returned it. She regularly comes over to ours for sunday dinner, she never returns the invite. So i don't think I'm taking the piss.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 06/07/2017 15:22

It's not BU to ask, but neither is it BU to say no.

She isn't beholden to you because of the rent situation - if you begrudge what she is paying, then you need to address that separately. Charging her less than the market rate doesn't give you additional rights (legal or moral) over the property.

MudCity · 06/07/2017 15:22

Sorry OP, I feel YABU.

It's her home and as she is the tenant, you cannot expect to borrow the garden just because it suits you.

The arrangement for her to live there obviously suited you both so it is best not to think of it in terms of you doing her a favour as it's a tenancy agreement, the terms of which you have both agreed.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 06/07/2017 15:23

5 years....you've lost thousands and thousands in rental profit OP, for a selfish bint.
You must be mad!

simon50 · 06/07/2017 15:24

Think OP needs to point out to her sister that if she wants all the normal rights of a tenant, she can always pay the going rate.

Many years ago I was self employed, did some work a friend, charged only for materials, not even mates rates as I knew they were skint, biggest mistake ever, never heard the last of it.

Original poster
gardendispute · 06/07/2017 15:24

I have booked another venue now but i am still seething about it. I couldn't find anywhere else with outdoor space so we are all going to be cooped up inside on a warm summers day when there is a perfectly good garden sitting empty.

OP posts:
CardinalCat · 06/07/2017 15:25

I can see both sides, as some people are very protective of their privacy and their own space (regardless of what kind of rent deal they have the benefit of.) However, if that's her reason then I'd have expected her to say so and to make the point that she really appreciates what you do for her and she's so sorry but it makes her feel uncomfortable. she hasn't said that. She has said something REALLY annoying that has got my back up (so I can imagine how riled it must have made you.)

I think I'd need to be saying to her that I felt disappointed considering you let the property to her for half the going rate and that maybe this goes to prove that you shouldn't let family and business mix, and that she can pay a market rent, or allow you to market it for let.

But then I am a bit scared of my sis and would probably chicken out and let her continue to walk all over me.

Tofutti · 06/07/2017 15:26

She sounds like a piss taker. I would give her notice on her tenancy and get in a tenant paying market rates.

Never mix family with business.

GahBuggerit · 06/07/2017 15:27

Unless the Op got the sister in a headlock and demanded she only pay £X then its simply not true that the sister is responsible for any loss of money to the op.

Or to put it simpler for you, I have a pair of boots Im selling. I could ebay them for £50 or sell them to my sister for £10. I sell them to my sister for £10. My sister is not responsible for me losing £40, because I didn't have the £40 to begin with and I agreed £10 is fine.

Cant believe Ive had to explain that!!! Sheesh!

WillRikersExtraNipple · 06/07/2017 15:27

Time to evict her.

TBH even if she wasn't getting such a good deal she'd still be an awful dick for saying no.

GahBuggerit · 06/07/2017 15:28

"Unless the Op got the sister in a headlock"

Unless the sister got OP in a headlock that should say!

WillRikersExtraNipple · 06/07/2017 15:28

Buggerit you have the economic understanding of a 4 year old who thinks if they bite their sweets in half they have twice as many sweets.

Tofutti · 06/07/2017 15:33

Buggerit the OP was considering putting the house on rent when the sister moved in. OP would have received twice the rent from a tenant, so OP has lost out due to her sister moving in.

Make sense?

GahBuggerit · 06/07/2017 15:33

Actual genuine Confused that someone can think the sister is losing the OP money when they are presumably paying whats been agreed with the OP.

And you talk about my understanding of economics?!

ExConstance · 06/07/2017 15:35

I think it is time to end the tenancy, let alone put the rent up!!!!!

GahBuggerit · 06/07/2017 15:35

Yea I got that ta Tofutti, but I stand by what I said - the sister isn't losing the OP money if she is paying what the OP asked for, the OP has potentially lost herself earnings but thats up to her.

NellieFiveBellies · 06/07/2017 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tofutti · 06/07/2017 15:37

Agreed on that, time for OP to stop losing herself income for someone who doesn't seem to appreciate her.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 06/07/2017 15:37

Actual genuine confused that someone can think the sister is losing the OP money when they are presumably paying whats been agreed with the OP

If you are making 500 a month when you could easily achieve 1000 a mont, your asset is LOSING 500 profit a MONTH.

As a test I just asked my 7 year old about this to see if it was clear, and he fully understands the concept.

If you're anything over 7, Buggerit, you need to think a bit harder about these things.

charliebear78 · 06/07/2017 15:37

It is family! Surely she could do you this favour?
Maybe thats just how I see things but my family are usually good about this sort of thing.
No I think you are not being unreasonable-she is.
If she was any other tenant-you probably would not ask-she is family its what you do!

Galla · 06/07/2017 15:38

I say put rent up too.
Say
"Seeing as we have stopped doing favours for each other, I'm giving you notice of a rental increase in line with market rates"
Petty maybe, but why should you be so generous if she can't do it back. You will end up bitter and resentful.
Sometimes we fall into roles within a family, a giver and a taker, usually the younger is the taker, and it is hard to step out of that role.

Ceto · 06/07/2017 15:39

Absolutely it isn't cheeky to ask a small favour in return for a pretty big favour.

So, as she's made it clear that favours are off the menu, I think that either the tenancy comes to an end or you start charging market rent.