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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a cheeky thing to ask?

163 replies

gardendispute · 06/07/2017 14:39

I have namechanged for this as it is potentially outing.
I own a property with a small mortgage which my dsis lives in, she has lived there for approximately five years. Dsis pays just enough rent to cover the mortgage and costs such as buildings insurance, which is around half of the amount that it would fetch on the open rental market. This situation came about as we were due to move out when dsis needed somewhere to live, so we held of renting or selling it and she moved in. This is a family sized home and dsis lives there by herself.

The aibu is that i have asked dsis if i would be able to use the large garden on the house for my baby dc's birthday party as it has large patio doors leading from the kitchen and a decking area, our own garden is currently in the process of being done up. It would be a small family party with no small children from outside of the family, so no chance of her possessions being ruined. I asked her as a favour as i am doing her a massive favour by letting her live there, her response was that no you can't as i dont want people walking on my grass, technically its not even her grass!
Is she being unreasonable or should i be treating her like any other tenant, even though she is my sister? Am i expecting too much from her and being cheeky? I need an outsiders perspective on this please! I am prepared to accept that i may be being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Bubblysqueak · 06/07/2017 15:03

Yanbu not because you own the property but because I thought it was a thing families did to help each other out. My said held my nieces birthday at my house because it's bigger and I have a bigger garde so everyone was more comfortable.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 06/07/2017 15:04

Do you have her living there under a contract? If not, you're mad.

She's a tenant, and you have no right to make such demands - imagine anyone other than your sister lived there: would you make such a demand of them?!

So YABVU.

Aunt to the child or not, she doesn't want the grass walked on. That's her decision. It is her home, even if it it your property.

Original poster
gardendispute · 06/07/2017 15:04

There is a legal tenancy agreement in place to protect ourselves as she is my sister, not dh's, but we are still family!

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 06/07/2017 15:04

Agree with CoraPirbright.

If your sis was paying the full market amount then no but I think your sis is being very, very unreasonable to not allow you to use your garden in this way. If you were getting the regular amount of rent for the property then you could afford to rent a luxury environment for the party. It sounds like your sis has no idea how lucky she is and what a massive favour you are doing her. I am afraid I wold feel compelled to point this out.

Pallisers · 06/07/2017 15:04

This isn't a landlord/tenant issue but a sister/sister issue.

I would let my sister use my garden in these circumstances even if I owned the house myself. It is even more unreasonable that she is getting a constant favour from you by paying less rent than market value - she accepts favours but won't do one for you.

HotelEuphoria · 06/07/2017 15:05

Are you good at cleaning up after the party or does your DS suspect you will host the party and leave her with the mess to clear up?

That would be my only concern if I lived there.

WhereDoAllTheWildThingsGo · 06/07/2017 15:05

She's being unreasonable.
If I were you I'd start telling her about your plans to let the property on the open market.

KoalaDownUnder · 06/07/2017 15:06

YANBU!

Under all the circumstances (cheap rent, big house, you get on well, its her own niece/nephew), I'd be pretty unimpressed in your shoes! Can't believe she said no.

Goingtobeawesome · 06/07/2017 15:07

I'd find this very hard to let go. I'd ask her if she wants to be treated like a usual tenant or as a family arrangement. Then point out the party issue/put up the rent accordingly.

A baby's party and she's said no because of grass!

Contentosposa30s · 06/07/2017 15:07

She is your sister. Surely it's the least she could do for you & her niece. YANBU at all.

Have the party elsewhere and don't invite her! Halo Wink

scaryclown · 06/07/2017 15:09

It's a bit wingey of her but maybe she feels the need for it to be her home. I was very cross when my mum asked me if I wanted to stay in a flat of hers then charged me market rent, as I was both obligated, and paying and all the wins were on her side.
You aren't. Really 'doing her a favour' as you have a tenant who you know and is reliable.

But I think k it would have been nice of her to let you have a party.

Hire it from her?

SootSprite · 06/07/2017 15:09

I think I'd be upping her rent. If she wants an 'official' tenancy then she pays fair market rate. I'd be spitting if I were you.

GahBuggerit · 06/07/2017 15:10

well tbf shes also doing you a favour by not having unknowns in your house and you know shes good to keep up with payments to pay your mortgage off on it.

Im torn on this tbh, its her home as long as she is paying the rent you ask for but there again shes your sister so should be ok with a family party anyway?

ooh these splinters are hurting!

Nikephorus · 06/07/2017 15:12

Well I wouldn't want people in my garden so I can see her point on that, but she is getting a very cushy deal. And very few people have the issues with having people around that I have!!
You need to be putting the rent up a bit.

LottieDoubtie · 06/07/2017 15:13

I would be inclined to tell here that you thought you had a mutually beneficial arrangement going on but since you don't and she wants full tenant rights, she can pay full market rates of get out!

Unless of course this is the 8th similar favour you've asked of her in the last 12 months, she generally says yes but you are taking the piss...

Ceebs85 · 06/07/2017 15:13

She is being massively unreasonable.

Put up her rent! Kick her out and let me move in? Sounds like she's forgetting how lucky she is!

sparechange · 06/07/2017 15:13

Your sister is being really mean!

I own my house and pay my mortgage, but still let my siblings host parties in it, because I'm not a bitch

5moreminutes · 06/07/2017 15:13

What's your arrangement? Do you have a contract?

If she's surprised you like this she could surprise you in other ways...

It would appear she views herself as an assured shorthold tenant with full rights rather than a family member informally using your home at half market rate as a favour.

I'd get everything formalised and increase the rent to just below market instead of only just covering the mortgage if I were you - if the roof starts leaking or the boiler blows up she'll be looking at you to sort it at your expense pronto, as any tenant would.

On the other hand it is the only home she has and she might see it as a slippery slope to you coming and going as you please and using the house she is paying rent to live in! If she doesn't need such a big house she may not "feel the benefit" of the much reduced rent as if she rented from a non family member she would not be paying more, just renting somewhere much smaller.

You were not unreasonable to ask but she may well feel with some justification that as a tenant she is not unreasonable to say no.

I'd get a formal contract in place, and if you want the option to use the garden write it in, pointing out that it is in return for a substantial rent reduction. she can choose to reject that and find somewhere else to live if she prefers.

GreenRut · 06/07/2017 15:13

Depends how close you are. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if my sister asked me this and I wouldn't think twice about asking.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 06/07/2017 15:13

well tbf shes also doing you a favour by not having unknowns in your house and you know shes good to keep up with payments to pay your mortgage off on it

Are people actually this deluded? You think the sister is doing OP a favour by losing her hundreds of pounds every single month?

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 06/07/2017 15:15

no small children from outside of the family, so no chance of her possessions being ruined

A little optimistic maybe...

GahBuggerit · 06/07/2017 15:17

How is the sister losing it? Confused

Deluded is a bit strong Grin did you mean to sound like an arse?

loobyloo1234 · 06/07/2017 15:17

I think she is BU actually. But then maybe you're not as close to her in her eyes as you think you are?

I would love to hold a birthday party for my nieces/nephews - regardless of if I were a tenant of my sisters or not

HipsterHunter · 06/07/2017 15:17

Either you are LL and tenant and that is totally cheeky (and you should be getting market rent)

Or you are sisters who help each other out and she is being a cheeky bitch.

Give her notice of the rent increase to full MV.....

pigsDOfly · 06/07/2017 15:17

Well as she's living in your house for 50% of the going rate of the rent you are effectively paying half of her rent.

Perhaps you should hold the party in your half of the garden.