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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is pathetic for throwing away ds present from grandad

291 replies

Lionking1981 · 05/07/2017 22:01

My family and dh support rival football clubs. The family team is our local one and the mascot has been into ds school, all his friends support the team and he has recently been saying that he supports them too which my dad found really funny. For his Bday this week, my dad cheekily gave him the strip and toy of the mascot. Today, he asked where they were - we couldn't find them anywhere. Dh has thrown them away. I get that he wants him and ds to bond over football and take him to games but I just find this a waste of money and horribly pathetic. Aibu?

OP posts:
aurynne · 06/07/2017 07:38

A man who was a proper grown up, and not a manchild, would see the potential for bonding and modelling of tolerance in this situation. Your DH could take DS to his team's matches and support and cheer for it, and the following week they could go watch the other team and cheer for it and laugh together.

Instead, he throws away his gifts, short of guaranteeing his DS WILL support the other team, and will likely turn this into a life-long feud with DGP and a source of misery for DS.

Go your DH!

SoupDragon · 06/07/2017 07:43

I hate people who manipulate their child into supporting a football team.

The child said he supported the local team. That should be the end of it.

Or do you football fanatics think it's OK to force a child into doing something when he's chosen differently?

Throwing away the DS's gift is nasty, spiteful and controlling.

(DSs have been indoctrinated into supporting one team by their father. I am not a football fan at all so I am not fussed but I would have been angry if he'd tried to change their own personal choice. DS1 also supports a local team which, I think, is not in the same league as the one chosen for him by his father.

Topseyt · 06/07/2017 07:44

I can't see the suggestion that the grandfather was in the wrong as anything other than bollocks. He bought the OP's DS a present that DS liked. Yes, there might have been an element of jest in it, but probably he mistakenly also thought that the DH was actually a grown man.

Your DH is acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

SoupDragon · 06/07/2017 07:45

what is being overlooked by those supporting the GP is that he is also forcing his views on the child in that he is pushing/encouraging him to continue support the team by buying him these gifts.

This child himself said he supports this team! His choice! What a sad world it must be if people aren't allowed to encourage children in their choices.

corythatwas · 06/07/2017 07:48

Why can't they bond over football while supporting different teams? Surely these are exactly the kind of life skills a father would want to teach to his son: how to combine passion and difference with love and a sense of humour?

As MrsTerry put it: "It's much more important that a child learns that families love each other, can joke around, can like different things... and that her things are her things."

IAmNotAWitch · 06/07/2017 07:52

In the unlikely event DH ever did anything this shitty.

I would have DS down the shop buying the loudest most in your face paraphernalia for his (DS's) team we could find.

THEN I would buy some further crap for another team and decorate as well.

Fortunately DH adores our children and would never do anything so mean.

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 06/07/2017 07:52

How cruel of your husband. What a nasty, cruel thing to do.

Topseyt · 06/07/2017 07:52

My DH supports Arsenal. When our DDs were young one of them once decided to say she supported Chelsea just as a bit of family joshing. Some people on here sound almost as though they might almost have thrown the child out for such a serious transgression.

scootinFun · 06/07/2017 07:53

Any man who throws away a kit/toy for a team the child supports because it isn't 'his' team is a petulant arsehole. It doesn't matter what teams dad and grandad support - what matters is dad is a dick who threw away his son's present. Talkabout prioritising football over family! I think the kid needs a replacement stat.

ollieplimsoles · 06/07/2017 07:58

It's like buying a "Fuck Jesus" t-shirt for a kid when you know the parents are devout Christians. You're doing it to wind them up, which is a dickish thing to do.

I really wish people would stop comparing religion to football, like it holds some sacred significance- both are equally shit.
Its as stupid to expect your child to adopt your religious beliefs as it is to expect them to support the 'family team' or even like football.

KungFuEric · 06/07/2017 08:04

I think you either get it or you don't.

For a lot of people having any paraphernalia of a despised rival team would be similar to having someone place a BNP or ukip poster on your front window, seeing as that's your families views. People can not want to have certain things in their home.

twisterinyogapants · 06/07/2017 08:04

Buy him another exactly the same.

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 06/07/2017 08:07

For a lot of people having any paraphernalia of a despised rival team would be similar to having someone place a BNP or ukip poster on your front window

In that case a lot of people need to get a grip. It's a fucking game FFS.

KungFuEric · 06/07/2017 08:13

That's the thing, it's a two sided coin. It's either just a game, or it's a part of your identity, wrapped up in tribalism and memory. People take particular joy in belittling football though,where they wouldn't when speaking about the passion of the New Zealand rugby team for arguments sake, or political/religious belief.

IAmNotAWitch · 06/07/2017 08:15

It is just a game.

Throwing away your kid's present over a game is dumb and stupid and cruel.

Anyone who cares that much about a game or a team is a numpty.

clumsymcfallsalot · 06/07/2017 08:16

OP's dad was mean to another adult, while her DH threw away something that belonged to a child.

This. The grandad is being a bit cheeky but as OP has said he embraces the rivalry as a humourous thing. If the grandad was being an ass surely he would have been sending this stuff BEFORE the child expressed a preference?

The DH is being an utter twat and anyone who takes any hobby so seriously needs to chill.

elfinpre · 06/07/2017 08:16

I also hate it when people say "He was looking forward to having a son so he can kick a ball around with him and take him to football matches."

Fuck off. You can do that with a girl.

Theresnonamesleft · 06/07/2017 08:18

Children aren't little robots that can be programmed to do/like the things their parents want.
Your dh needs to grow up and replace the stuff. To make the point I would be tempted to ask him how he would like if you chucked something he liked in the bin. He wouldn't.

At one point I had an Arsenal, Chelsea, Man U, Tottenham and Liverpool supporter. They rubbed each other. However they respected the fact that people are individuals and didn't ruin or chuck anyone else's belongings.

erinaceus · 06/07/2017 08:19

Its as stupid to expect your child to adopt your religious beliefs as it is to expect them to support the 'family team' or even like football.

This does not mean that people do not do it. For some people, having their child follow the same religion as them is important. Football evokes similar passions. For all that you consider it stupid, this does not mean it does not happen.

Football is something beyond a game. As pp said it is also a secular church and a form of connecting and community. This is why OP's dad made a bit of a daft move in buying the gift he bought for OP's son. OP's DH ought to have talked it out though rather than throwing the gift away without telling anyone.

blackteasplease · 06/07/2017 08:24

Your dh acted in a disgusting, shameful way.

Imagine throwing a kid's present away.

That isn't adult behaviour.

He needs to be replacing it and apologising asap. I wouldn't want anything to do with him til he did.

blackteasplease · 06/07/2017 08:24

Your dh acted in a disgusting, shameful way.

Imagine throwing a kid's present away.

That isn't adult behaviour.

He needs to be replacing it and apologising asap. I wouldn't want anything to do with him til he did.

Mulledwine1 · 06/07/2017 08:26

It's like buying a "Fuck Jesus" t-shirt for a kid when you know the parents are devout Christians

It really isn't.

The OP's DH has been a twit. I agree with the post above which says he should go out and replace immediately. It's also very disrespectful to the OP's dad.

FairfaxAikman · 06/07/2017 08:38

It's possible to support both (providing it's not like they are city rivals or anything)

My GF is from England and supports a team from his city. DF grew up is Scotland (as did I) and we support one of the teams in the nearest city, but still follow the results from GF's team. It's just that going 250 miles to games is not practical.
DSis now lives in the city GF is from. DN supports His dad's team (same as GFs) and follows ours - he has kits from both.

Whileweareonthesubject · 06/07/2017 08:39

DH comes from a family of football fans. To the extent that they all either currently, or previously had season tickets. My late FIL supported his team ardently, arranged business meetings so they wouldn't clash with games and held a season ticket for many years, until his death. Of his sons, only one followed the same team. The others all chose to follow different teams. At Christmas, they would each receive a new hat and scarf in their team colours. As more stuff became available, bits and pieces would appear at Christmas and birthdays. Bought by their dad. FIL also made sure that all the boys were able to see their teams live, often driving great distances to take them. Now all the boys are adults, with sons of their own. Those who like football support different teams, some don't follow football at all. There is no aresholery about teams, kits, souvenirs at all. Because they are adults who understand that football is supposed to be fun and that you don't have to follow the same team in order to 'bond'over a game.
Your dh sounds extremely unkind and lacking in intelligence if he doesn't understand that. My DH and his brothers remember their dad as someone who taught them it's OK to make your own choices in life and that others should respect those choices, regardless of their own opinions. They have all taught the same message to their own children. What message will your son take from this? That his father only respects his opinion when it's one that he shares? Your dh is an arse.

IamaBluebird · 06/07/2017 08:48

We have a huge collection of mascots from opposing teams. They always meet with an accident before we next play each other. Think bandage, plasters etc. One poor bear got stuck in a shoe box and covered in glitter. I must say that no mascots were hurt during this tomfoolery.