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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is pathetic for throwing away ds present from grandad

291 replies

Lionking1981 · 05/07/2017 22:01

My family and dh support rival football clubs. The family team is our local one and the mascot has been into ds school, all his friends support the team and he has recently been saying that he supports them too which my dad found really funny. For his Bday this week, my dad cheekily gave him the strip and toy of the mascot. Today, he asked where they were - we couldn't find them anywhere. Dh has thrown them away. I get that he wants him and ds to bond over football and take him to games but I just find this a waste of money and horribly pathetic. Aibu?

OP posts:
DrCoconut · 06/07/2017 20:59

It's totally pathetic for a grown up to throw a tantrum and put something belonging to a child in the bin. And so wasteful too. There are people in the world with literally not a rag to cover their arse and he's throwing good clothes away because they're the wrong colour? Does he only like cutted up pear too?

SoupDragon · 06/07/2017 21:20

but my point still stands.

Given it hinged on the DS only having mentioned he liked the team, no it doesn't.

And it was in the very first post!

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/07/2017 21:42

SoupDragon

My point is that the GP is an arse who has done this to wind up the OP's DH.

erinaceus · 06/07/2017 22:02

Is anyone else wondering what happens if we start a thread to discuss football? Would the football fans on MN all get banned?

There may be such a thread already. I have not checked.

As you were.

youaredeluded · 06/07/2017 22:05

They both sound equally pathetic. How chavvy.

ineedaholidaynow · 06/07/2017 22:49

boney can I ask what your position would be if the OP supports the same team as GP? Would GP still be an arse buying his team's mascot as DH's team trumps everyone else's?

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/07/2017 06:47

ineedaholidaynow

If the OP was supporting the GP in winding up her DH I would consider the situation much worse.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/07/2017 08:00

But boney don't you think it is pathetic that a grown man could get wound up by such a thing? I certainly do.

DS is still young so his allegiance to a particular club could change. But if he continues to support his local club is DH going to be continually wound up?

What would happen if DS eventually decides he doesn't like football, or even worse decides rugby is a better sport, how will DH cope if he can't act like a grown up now?

SoupDragon · 07/07/2017 08:12

My point is that the GP is an arse who has done this to wind up the OP's DH.

But you based that point on the boy only liking the team and stated that he didn't support the team. The boy has said he supports the team and therefore the kit is anappropriate gift. The only arse here is the DH for throwing it away in a childish strop. he needs to get over himself and stop being a twat. He's showing one of the worst aspects of football supporting.

StarHeartDiamond · 07/07/2017 08:27

Soup - I disagree. There will definitely have been an element of wind-up from the gp involved. He's not innocently buying something his ds might like, it's more of a statement than that.

StarHeartDiamond · 07/07/2017 08:27

*Gds

Coastalcommand · 07/07/2017 08:33

Your DH has been mean and childish. He needs to replace the presents he stole.

user1476869312 · 07/07/2017 08:39

Even if there was a bit of wind-up going on, the DP has behaved disgustingly and is probably abusive. he's a grown man reacting like a five year old. People who over-react to being wound up (ie by aggression towards others) should basically be wound up more and more often till they get over themselves.

StarHeartDiamond · 07/07/2017 08:55

I agree the do should not have thrown it away, of course not, but "is probably abusive?" Shock

That's quite a statement to make.

SoupDragon · 07/07/2017 09:15

There will definitely have been an element of wind-up from the gp involved. He's not innocently buying something his ds might like, it's more of a statement than that.

The GP has the right attitude to football - he treats team rivalry as friendly banter which is the way it should be. The OP's DH, OTOH, is behaving like an utter twat. When team rivalry goes to the far extremes of the direction the DH has taken, it leads to violence.

erinaceus · 07/07/2017 09:32

People who over-react to being wound up (ie by aggression towards others) should basically be wound up more and more often till they get over themselves.

This is not the case. What you are describing is bullying someone into submission. Whether teasing is playing or bullying is determined by a range of factors. If one teases with the intent of silencing someone that sounds like bullying to me. Wikipedia on Teasing.

BarbarianMum · 07/07/2017 09:56

I don't think your dad was "cheeky" I think he was purposefully nasty. I'd be quite fucked off if my dad started trying to cause trouble between my husband and son.

My dsis hates toy guns. Dnephew was desperate for one. I didn't buy him one out of respect for her, even though I think her stance is nuts.

StarHeartDiamond · 07/07/2017 11:39

Soup Dragon - then why should gp use dgs's birthday for "friendly banter?" between himself and the Dp?

There's also an element of asserting his authority over dgs right under dps nose. It's definitely a statement when it should just be a present.

Buying the strip and the mascot will help cement dgs as "one of them". If the rest of ops family is into this team then obviously dp will be the odd one out anyway; now gp has slyly (imo) made it as far as possible that the dgs joins the "one of them". It's a sly thing to do.

user1476869312 · 07/07/2017 11:40

I'm in favour of a bit of return 'bullying' when someone has behaved appallingly.

A grown man who would destroy his own child's birthday gift (which the child clearly liked, as he was asking about its whereabouts and that was how the family found out that this prick had got rid of it) because he percieved it as 'disrespect' to him has the sort of inflated ego and disregard of other people's feelings that, sooner or later, will lead to abuse of family members.

A decent, sensible man would not have reacted like this, even if the GP had form for slightly unkind teasing. He might have said to his partner that he was a bit tired of her father doing stunts like this (if there is a history of not-friendly rivalry or whatever) but he wouldn't have taken out his petulance on his own son.

StarHeartDiamond · 07/07/2017 11:43

In short I think gp has meddled when he should just have steered clear of anything "banter" or. Introversion or with the potential to cause trouble. Dp was in the wrong for throwing it out but gp should have left the team rivalry between him and dp out of his birthday present to dgs.

StarHeartDiamond · 07/07/2017 11:43

*contraversial

StarHeartDiamond · 07/07/2017 11:45

Agree user - dp should have bought a strip and mascot for ds for his own team and then left ds to it rather then throwing out the rival, if he felt so strongly.

SoupDragon · 07/07/2017 12:29

Dear god this is all utterly ridiculous.

abbsisspartacus · 07/07/2017 12:38

It is utterly ridiculous it's football it's not life and death it's a fucking ball game

And many footballer fans I know support premier league and the local team there is no competition between the two they are literally leagues apart

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 07/07/2017 12:45

YANBU, your DH behaved like a twat. Firstly it was not his gift to throw out, and secondly your DS can support any team he chooses, it's not up to your DH. DH needs to grow up.

Those posters who are saying the grandad bought the strip to wind DH up seemed to have missed the part in the OP where Lion says:

"The family team is our local one and the mascot has been into ds school, all his friends support the team and he has recently been saying that he supports them too"

So husband throws out a gift of the team his son supports. Dickhead!