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Original poster

DD's boyfriend ruined her birthday..

304 replies

Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 08:55

It was DD's 21st birthday and her boyfriend of 5 years came out with us for a nice meal. They seem to get on fine, but she has been abroad this semester studying so I think that has strained their relationship. Anyway, the meal was great, we get back to our house to open her gifts from him and his family. His family bought her a voucher, which was kind of them. But, he got her a card with the wrong age (18th, not 21st), he said he was rushing when he bought it, and some flowers and wine from Asda, bought just before our meal out. He also wrote on her card 'to whom it may concern' instead of her name. DD is so upset about this, she feels like he was really thoughtless in doing this to her. Her boyfriend always comes to our house, we cook for him, take them places etc. Me and DH also think his behaviour is unacceptable, and strange to do on her 21st birthday. What should we do? She has been really upset and hurt because of this and hasn't spoken to him since he did this to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 15:30

Yeah she doesn't want someone who would do that to her purposefully. She will focus on uni now as it's her final year :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 15:31

My DH is still disappointed so not sure how that will go

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 05/07/2017 15:43

Well tell your DH to try and separate it now and be a grown up and not be weird about his DDs relationships, hes been dumped so that should be the end of it.

Of course if the ex turns out to be a knob at work about it all then get rid.

MavisFlumpTheFairy · 05/07/2017 15:44

So he's possibly/probably going to lose his job too 😳
Nice one op. I for one feel very sorry for the lad, and you've got exactly what I suspect you wanted, to get your DD away from him.
God help any future boyfriends.

Original poster
Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 15:45

He's not going to lose his job! Never said that!

OP posts:
Scoobydoobydont · 05/07/2017 15:50

My DH is still disappointed so not sure how that will go

I would be pretty disappointed at the way my daughter had behaved as well, she should have just told the bloke she wasn't interested anymore.

I hope things work out for him.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/07/2017 15:58

We've been constantly told on this thread "aww he's just an inexperienced young lad, give him a break!" Yet the OP has been told time and again that her daughter is a young women perfectly capable of running her own life and she should butt out.

Double standards much?

What he did was not a joke. It was deliberately nasty. And if I were the OP's DD I would be taking some time out to reconsider my relationship.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/07/2017 16:01

And I personally loathe this "It was just a joke, I didn't mean to upset you. You've taken it wrong. You shouldn't be upset, can't you take a joke?" shit that people lay on an upset person when they've done something crap like this. Like the injured party isn't entitled to their opinions and feelings and they are the one with the problem because they can't take a hilarious "joke" [confused"

TheSeaTheSkyTheSeaTheSkyyyyyy · 05/07/2017 16:01

I'm guessing more went on while she was away that OP doesn't know about. (perhaps she met someone else, or perhaps the bf was acting jealous) that strained the relationship even before this.

No big deal. Most people who get together as teenagers end up breaking up around this age anyway. It's just a natural parting of ways in most cases.

Hissy · 05/07/2017 16:05

It seems like she was already thinking along those lines, had probably picked up on something

Good for her. Right decision.

fannydaggerz · 05/07/2017 16:07

He has done that on purpose. I would dump him for that.

jacks11 · 05/07/2017 16:08

It sounds like the right decision was made, probably best for both of them.

Loopytiles · 05/07/2017 16:30

Sacking him would be fine IMO: it's among the risks you take in accepting work from gf or bf's family!

KittyLover91 · 05/07/2017 16:32

He sounds like a complete bellend!

Original poster
Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 16:36

Complete bellend and uncalled for regardless if they have been falling out

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 05/07/2017 17:10

"Sacking him would be fine IMO: it's among the risks you take in accepting work from gf or bf's family!"

Gosh really? I'd expect a grown adult man to be able to be able to set aside his interest and involvement in his daughters love life to be able to carry on working with the person who has been dumped in a professional manner. Obviously as long as the ex behaves appropriately that is.

And yes OP he was a bell end but your DD hasn't been the pinnacle of how to conduct yourself in a relationship either.

Quimby · 05/07/2017 17:15

Probably best for both of them.
They both seem to have treated each other in a pretty shit way of late and are probably both well shot of the other before what was obviously a long and fairly positive relationship deteriorates further and becomes something horrible.

Quimby · 05/07/2017 17:16

"Complete bellend and uncalled for regardless if they have been falling out"

I'd say that is equally applicable to both parties

MavisFlumpTheFairy · 05/07/2017 17:19

I suspect it's six of one and half dozen of the other as we're obviously only getting the DM/DD's version.
It would be interesting to see his perspective!

SunnyCoco · 05/07/2017 19:20

Don't mean to sound rude but you are way too over involved in all of this!
And teaching your daughter to resolve situations by ignoring his messages and calls and visits is really unreasonable and results in adults who cause half the threads on here moaning about being ghosted etc

kaitlinktm · 05/07/2017 19:21

I don't remember my 21st. Literally sitting here trying to figure out which boyfriend I was with at that point or if I was single. It's not going to blight the rest of her life, seriously.

No it won't blight her life, but she will remember it for the wrong reasons. I still remember mine over 40 years ago - spoilt by a marred-arsed manchild whom I was stupid enough to still marry. But even if I hadn't married him, I would still remember how he made me feel that evening.

TheSeaTheSkyTheSeaTheSkyyyyyy · 05/07/2017 19:47

The DD has posted on a student forum about the same thing! But she didn't mention "to whom it may concern"... Strange to leave that out!

TheSeaTheSkyTheSeaTheSkyyyyyy · 05/07/2017 19:48

www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4818398

Neutrogena · 05/07/2017 19:51

It's just one day. Not the end of the world.
It sounds like they will split soon. You should keep schtum.

Syc4moreTrees · 05/07/2017 20:01

theSea 😂😄😁