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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my neighbours their bonkers?

343 replies

Sparklyshoes16 · 04/07/2017 18:27

We've bought a house and absolutely love it and spending a lot of time and effort doing it up on the inside...as the weather is good we've decided to turn our attention to the garden and start clearing the jungle of overgrown bushes etc...as soon as we bought it we spoke to the neighbours and made it clear that we would be putting new fences up (matching the existing ones as our neighbour had taken out some panels) and getting the tree chopped back...the tree root is near the boundary but on their side...we had some people come round to give us a quote on how much to get the tree chopped back and to clear the garden etc our neighbour decided to come out and give them what for telling them it's a friendship tree and no one will be touching it as she hangs xmas tree lights up on it (there was non this Xmas just gone). I didn't actually know what to say so just smiled and said erm well no we discussed this and you agreed to have it chopped back and cut down a little and then ushered the garden people away from the mad woman...we know we have no legal standing on her cutting some of it down but according to her we can't make her cut it back either? We've checked the deeds over incased we'd missed something (we had already done that before we purchased) AIBU to tell her she's bonkers and to mind her own business? We've had no problems so far and always gone round to apologise for any builders noise but she has completely flipped on this...any advice?

To tell my neighbours their bonkers?
To tell my neighbours their bonkers?
OP posts:
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Sparklyshoes16 · 05/07/2017 19:20

Lol loopyloppy well we're going try with the tree surgeon first and see what they suggest I must admit I'm not happy about this afternoon but not much we can do now.

Just glad it wasn't my husband's dad nowhere near as calm and certainly wouldn't have offered her anything!

OP posts:
Sparklyshoes16 · 05/07/2017 19:23

Ihateunclejamie yes we do we were looking at it last night...the boundary is in a straight line and doesn't mention anything about a tree in the middle or near boundary.

OP posts:
milliemolliemou · 05/07/2017 19:30

She does sound overinvested in the tree and clearly from your description has form in the neighbourhood and now with your pa.

All you can do is get your tree surgeon/gardener to advise her on what can be done (and clearly you or your DP is prepared to pay) even if means moving it 5 foot into her garden if it can be done (v expensive since its root ball will be substantial and need a digger or many men with spades to transfer). I'd talk to your landscaper first about costs before committing.

I think it looks good where it is and is a slow growing conifer but even those end up at 15 foot or more.

If she won't compromise you just have to go ahead and slice the tree in two, take out her funny wire bit from your side and put the fence up.

Good luck.

SimonsPies · 05/07/2017 19:36

Oh dear I see trouble ahead. Just cut it back to the boundary line and be done with it. You don't have to ask her permission. And remove her stupid mini fencing from your garden while you're at it. Then never speak to her again.

Sparklyshoes16 · 05/07/2017 19:40

Ihateunclejamie sorry just read it again ours is left and top too...where the fence is should actually be over a little more her way but we're not even going to go there!! We've also just looked at something called overriding interests and there's nothing on it signed by the seller so we're a little baffled.

All we want is the missing panels put back in place at our expense and enjoy the garden without her peering through the gap etc...hoping to get a few BBQs in before the summer with our friends who have kids/pets etc.

To tell my neighbours their bonkers?
OP posts:
Chattymummyhere · 05/07/2017 19:52

I wouldn't of even mentioned a thing. The day I moved in we would of had the fence panels waiting and a chainsaw out. We have dogs and children. If its on my land I will chop it back and I will enclose my garden to keep my dogs and children in and safe.

Horsemad · 05/07/2017 20:03

So are you saying the fence is hers OP?

limitedperiodonly · 05/07/2017 20:13

You have a problem neighbour OP. I don't know why you didn't realise that when you viewed the place and she questioned you. Many people would have run for the hills at that point but you bought so now you're stuck with her.

Just chop the part of the tree back you need to in order to reinstate the fence if that's what you want to do. If she makes life unpleasant for you then you will have to deal with it.

Sparklyshoes16 · 05/07/2017 20:19

Horsemad we're not sure the other neighbours are saying we own the fence as it was replaced by previous owners a few years ago...ndn is saying she owns the fence so we've emailed the estate agents to ask if they can get in touch with previous owners son who sold the house.

OP posts:
Sparklyshoes16 · 05/07/2017 20:27

Chattymummyhere that's exactly what my FIL wanted to do.

OP posts:
IHateUncleJamie · 05/07/2017 21:26

Ah ok. If she hasn't or won't put proper fence panels in along her boundary then I believe you are entitled to ask her to do so or say you will. Otherwise you can cut the overhanging part of the tree back, offer her the cuttings back, and put a fence panel in.

If you want to be extra careful you could measure the depth of the other fence panels and put one in BUT inside your boundary, allowing her theoretical room to put her own fence panel on her side. It would look a bit daft but at least you'll have privacy.

Unless the tree has a TPO she CANNOT prevent you cutting the overhanging part of the tree that's encroaching into your garden. Even if birds are nesting in it, you just have to delay the work until they've left.

LionsOnTour · 05/07/2017 21:47

As far as we know we own the fence it was replaced a few years ago by previous owners...a few neighbours have told us that...we have asked our ndn and she says she owns the fence...so will check with estate agents tomorrow to see if they can get in touch with previous owners children to confirm

I wouldn't bother with doing that, it would be pointless. You should ask you Solicetors and get proper legal advice. Just so you know once and for all. If it's your neighbours fence then you obviously can't touch it or replace the panels without the neighbours permission. You would then have to erect your own fence on your land - not a great solution as mentioned earlier but possibly your only way. If you do that make sure you have lots of photos and keep them safely just in case.....

dudsville · 05/07/2017 21:50

It's an adorable tree. That comment is of no help. My apologies.

Horsemad · 05/07/2017 22:06

I agree with Lions, you need to speak to your Solicitor.

Redsippycup · 05/07/2017 22:32

On the subject of the fence - you said you think that previous owners of your house put up the fence and that it is slightly to your side of the boundary, yes? In that case it sounds like the prev owners have done what pp are suggesting and put up their own fence on their own land (so your land now) that would make it your fence even if she owns the boundary.

On the subject of the tree - be aware that if you cut it back to the brown bit inside it is quite likely to never 'green up' again, so any bits not covered by fence will just look like dead tree. Not sure where you stand if you cut so much off it dies or if it's so unbalanced that it falls over. (hopefully you dont stand under the tree in that case! Grin )

Motherbear26 · 05/07/2017 22:49

I can't believe some of the PP's on this thread!! OP, you are obviously bending over backwards to accommodate this woman and her (frankly, hideous) massive tree. I'm all for getting along with neighbours and being tolerant and flexible, but there is absolutely no way that I would live with that right down my boundary line when all I really wanted was a fence. You have kids, you want a dog, it's just not going to work for you.

By all means try to move forward with the same conciliatory stance and try to resolve this amicably but I don't think NDN is up for any sort of negotiation or compromise. If she can't understand why someone would want their own garden to be fenced off in the first place, I don't think you've got a hope in hell of budging her (or her bloody tree) without a few fireworks. If I were you I'd see a solicitor asap to check the fence is yours, and then just crack on. And fwiw I completely agree with the use of bonkers in regard to this woman.

badgercat · 05/07/2017 23:23

I don't understand why you are getting her to hear what the tree surgeon has to say ?

she's already told you she won't have it touched - if you've no intention of keeping it then stop entertaining her and letting her believe she has a say.

Even if she's disputing the boundary ownership you can get rid of what's on your side, I'd also be firmly telling her to stop harassing people in YOUR garden like she owns the place !

GinSwigmore · 05/07/2017 23:35

How on earth did this not come up when viewing?
As it is, I like the tree.
But I hate the idea of ndn being up in my face whenever I was anywhere near it. Or looming in general.
She lost my sympathy when she said no one else was to decorate it.
I would have been hanging valentine hearts, easter eggs and tinsel....don't think we would have got on somehow.
So I guess she reaps what she has sown. The little wire fence in particular has to go.
Shamrock I think you're going to need it. Do make sure you have witness to agreed pruning so that you are not sued for criminal damage.

GinSwigmore · 05/07/2017 23:36

^am aware you can cut back within your boundary but if the tree surgeons are a bit too clipper happy and she has time on her hands...

sodablackcurrant · 05/07/2017 23:40

How did you not see this big fek off tree as being ok when you viewed and eventually bought the house.

Big flag for me. But what do I know. Nothing I suspect.

LionsOnTour · 06/07/2017 00:13

I don't understand why you are getting her to hear what the tree surgeon has to say ?

I don't think it was a good idea either but I guess it's been arranged now. I don't know what he can say that would make any difference although I suppose it give everyone a focus to get together and agree something. 🤔

scottishdiem · 06/07/2017 00:49

Tree looks shit so any work to remove your view of it is great news. Neighbour clearly has ideas well above her station so needs to be brought down to earth. If you want your garden to be enclosed as you want it to be, within normal legal restrictions then go for it OP.

Some people on this thread are bonkers. Who knew so many people wanted hippy-esque communal back gardens with friendship trees and what not.

I can imagine the response if someone came on here saying they wanted to remove garden fencing panels and plant a friendship tree that the neighbour didnt want. The idea would be decried as bonkers. This is just the reverse of that.

Collaborate · 06/07/2017 07:04

that would make it your fence even if she owns the boundary.

No one owns a boundary. A boundary is the point at which two parcels of land meet. It isn't something physical. People can own boundary features. Looks like OP owns the fence, as it was paid for by their predecessors in title and it is also sited on their side of the boundary.

Sparklyshoes16 · 06/07/2017 07:49

Decided to definitely contact our solicitor as reading all this has made us more aware of it getting messy...which we really don't want!

just more for us really to get official advice, find out who owns the fence (as ndn is adamant they own it but neighbours on the close have told us we own it) and know about our rights as some of the things on here are confusing.

Ginswigmore When we viewed the house (you can't really tell from the pictures) the tree really looked like it was on our side (as there's more on our side than the ndn) we were more concerned about the inside of the house and how much work it would need doing...garden wise we just said we'll get a company in to sort/landscape etc as we're not green fingered at all. Definitely our fault for not checking more closely...as soon as we realised about week after we moved in we went round and spoke to them and was very honest and said we'll be replacing the missing fence panels and keeping it in a straight line etc she said fine as long as it's at your expense which of course we said yes.

OP posts:
Assburgers · 06/07/2017 07:55

If the fence should actually be a little more her way, couldn't you actually use that to chop the whole tree down? I know you don't want to piss her off further, but it looks like you don't have much to lose.

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