To tell my neighbours their bonkers?

[Sparklyshoes16]

We've bought a house and absolutely love it and spending a lot of time and effort doing it up on the inside...as the weather is good we've decided to turn our attention to the garden and start clearing the jungle of overgrown bushes etc...as soon as we bought it we spoke to the neighbours and made it clear that we would be putting new fences up (matching the existing ones as our neighbour had taken out some panels) and getting the tree chopped back...the tree root is near the boundary but on their side...we had some people come round to give us a quote on how much to get the tree chopped back and to clear the garden etc our neighbour decided to come out and give them what for telling them it's a friendship tree and no one will be touching it as she hangs xmas tree lights up on it (there was non this Xmas just gone). I didn't actually know what to say so just smiled and said erm well no we discussed this and you agreed to have it chopped back and cut down a little and then ushered the garden people away from the mad woman...we know we have no legal standing on her cutting some of it down but according to her we can't make her cut it back either? We've checked the deeds over incased we'd missed something (we had already done that before we purchased) AIBU to tell her she's bonkers and to mind her own business? We've had no problems so far and always gone round to apologise for any builders noise but she has completely flipped on this...any advice?

I trimmed a conifer once - took about 2 feet off it all round - it was like the one in your garden but twice the size - it looked a sight afterwards - all brown and dead looking and everyone laughed at it and said I should have just cut the whole thing down - but after about a year it was all beautifully green and lush.

Maybe your ndn might be able to keep it just fine but in a smaller style.

Whatever you do with the tree, I think the mix of opinions on this thread has shown you that she's not "bonkers" for wanting to keep the tree. Why not try being a little less judged and a little more understanding that someone might have a different opinion to you. I think you're more likely to get what you want then

It's much simpler to keep existing boundru markers such as fences or ditches where they are

Except you cannot replace a fence that is not yours without the owner's permission. If is it not your fence you have to put your own one inside the boundary. You cannot force them to replace any missing or damaged parts.

Bitoutofpractice The NDN can have opinions until the cows come home, but if the deeds show that the tree is encroaching on the OP's boundary then that's that. OP is perfectly entitled to cut the overhanging part of the tree back, offer the cuttings (and the wire fence) back to NDN, and continue her fence panels along the boundary.

Actually in the later pics I can see how large it is. It's very well maintained and looks attractive, but it is in the wrong place and too large for that spot.

I think if it was me I'd have the tree surgeon go on about how much work will be involved in maintaining it now it's growing bigger and how the issue will get worse. I think you'd be nuts to just cut it back though without her agreement. She sounds like she's not going to make your life easy if you do.

The key question will be can he cut it back without killing it, enough to let the fencing be erected, then she will need to maintain it so it doesn't push out the new fencing.

The other thing you could do is have it removed and plant something else instead she may really like and be excited about and wouldn't interfere with a fence. An ornamental apple tree. A cherry blossom tree, something like that.

Yes, Soupdragon - OP, who is responsible for that boundary? It'll be on your deeds.

UncleJamie I agree.

But the actual AIBU was should she go round there and tell her she's bonkers and to mind her own business.

That's just nasty. The NDN clearly loves her tree and doesn't want it butchered. That's not bonkers. And it clearly is her business since it's her tree.

I just think the op is more likely to get a satisfactory outcome if she dials down the the judging and is less aggressive in her tone to someone she's still hot to live next to.

*got

Soup. You replied to earlier post it you misunderstood what I was saying. I know you can't replace someone else's fence without their permission. That's obvious! What I was saying is that it's a bad idea to erect ANOTHER fence if their is already an existing fence marking a boundary as there is usually nothing stopping the owner of the existing fence from removing their own fence and using your new fence as the new boundary. Thus potentially gaining a thin strip of land for themselves.

If you don't think people care about stuff like that then try reading GardenLaw website. It's scary stuff 😂

if the OP wants to restore her privacy and security then the only option (if the fence is not hers) is to put up a new one on her land where there are gaps. The existing fence plus the straight line on the deeds would mark the original boundary line.

Soup
That's correct.

Some of you are totally fucking mental!!

I do get the point that cutting half off will kill it and that will piss neighbour off.

But, it's a fugly tree, it's a stupid place to plant it, op is totally entitled to say what's in her garden and that she want privacy.

Mumsnet at its most mental. It looks bloody ridiculous. 😂😂😂

is there any way you can embrace the tree? Put Xmas lights on it perhaps?

I can't tell for sure from the photo but I suspect that even if the OP heavily cuts back the tree it won't kill it. It might upset it for a while but I doubt it would kill it.

Our deeds aren't clear which boundary is ours. The fence between us and next door was falling down thanks to the ivy they didn't bother to clear so DH asked if we could remove the ivy and replace the fence. They agreed but DH made sure the new fence was on our side of the boundary line. We've now got new neighbours and they asked us whose fence it is and DH said we'd put the fence up and it was on our side of the line.

I can't think why they would want to take it down but who knows with people! He also explained why there's a couple of feet of netting on top (cat proofing) and they seemed OK with that.

Technically you could as it's your land but I think it'd look worse... but she hasn't got a right to plant something that goes onto your land so it's up to you.

If you are really set on it, why don't you leave the tree alone and go talk to her about whether it could be safely moved or something that doesn't hurt it and that you certainly didn't mean to cause any upset but here's what you want to try and achieve.

A bit of reasonable behaviour and good will in circumstances like this is a lot better than acting like someone is mentally ill - that in itself is a bit unneighbourly, OP.

I mean think about it, that tree has been there before you for years, it is part of her Christmas, and presumably it was exactly there when you decided to buy the house, so really it is you who has looked at it and decided that it's an acceptable situation to buy into (as well as just assuming it would be ok to have at it). She hasn't planted a wall of leilandi, you have come along, seen the tree where it is and signed on the dotted line. There are good reasons for a neighbourly compromise.

Just remove all the branches on your side so it is just a bare trunk. Then you will be able to put your fence up and that will block the sight of the bare trunk on your side and she will still see her conifer on hers.
Done correctly it won't kill the tree after all tree surgeons lift the canapy on conifers all the time and the trees don't die. It will be sample principle with just taking the branches off on your side. A bit like a topiary tree.

OP, why do you not ask if the conifer can be removed/dug up, so you can reinstate the fence, and you will buy her another one, and plant it, say a few feet further across her garden. Say you will foot the bill for the new conifer and plant it for her. You can buy a similar one for about a tenner, and they grow like wildfire.

It looks like a spartan juniper to me, and they are cheap to buy, and will grow quickly.

Suggest this, and say it's probably the only solution because you need the fence securing/replacing, as you're 'thinking of getting a dog.'

Just got in after a very long day and horrid traffic on the way home to find my dad looking abit like this with a cuppa (my dad is very softly spoken a bit like Richard from Keeping up appearances) in he kitchen hiding he was approached by our NDN whilst working in our garden this afternoon on the weeds and bushes at the back...not the ndn side.

Ndn appears and tells him in no uncertain terms to not even think about touching the tree!! Dad a bit perplexed as he was working on the weeds and not the tree had a calm wee chat with her then offered to pay to have tree uprooted and planted away from the boundary IF that's what SHE wanted to do or if she wants to have it removed and have plants put in its place like some of you have suggested then he would do it at his expense i.e. She would choose the plants etc and dad would pay regardless of cost...he was unaware of our tree surgeon plans...ndn says point blank "it is not being moved...it is my tree and will do what I want with it...it stays there and only I will be decorating it" after a conversation about night time and lights...other side ndn who came out to help my dad lift some bags into a sackbarrow was apparently stood open mouthed.

Just been round to explain that she is very welcome to sit in on the tree surgeons advice and hopefully come to an all round solution...

In answer to some questions (just had a quick skim through)

As far as we know we own the fence it was replaced a few years ago by previous owners...a few neighbours have told us that...we have asked our ndn and she says she owns the fence...so will check with estate agents tomorrow to see if they can get in touch with previous owners children to confirm.

I thought she was bonkers because when we had the gardening company come out to survey the garden she came out and started telling them what to do!!

The tree is well shaped because when we've been out at work she has let the gardeners into our garden and shaped it etc...we came back from work thinking dad had done something but found it was her gardeners...we did thank her and offered payment but also asked not to let her gardeners into our garden without us knowing. We've padlocked the gate since then.

The boundary ownership should be on the deeds - ours have a diagram with our boundaries marked (left and top, in this instance). Do you have your house paperwork?

She's fucking nuts. Happy away.

Hack not happy ffs