To tell my neighbours their bonkers?

[Sparklyshoes16]

We've bought a house and absolutely love it and spending a lot of time and effort doing it up on the inside...as the weather is good we've decided to turn our attention to the garden and start clearing the jungle of overgrown bushes etc...as soon as we bought it we spoke to the neighbours and made it clear that we would be putting new fences up (matching the existing ones as our neighbour had taken out some panels) and getting the tree chopped back...the tree root is near the boundary but on their side...we had some people come round to give us a quote on how much to get the tree chopped back and to clear the garden etc our neighbour decided to come out and give them what for telling them it's a friendship tree and no one will be touching it as she hangs xmas tree lights up on it (there was non this Xmas just gone). I didn't actually know what to say so just smiled and said erm well no we discussed this and you agreed to have it chopped back and cut down a little and then ushered the garden people away from the mad woman...we know we have no legal standing on her cutting some of it down but according to her we can't make her cut it back either? We've checked the deeds over incased we'd missed something (we had already done that before we purchased) AIBU to tell her she's bonkers and to mind her own business? We've had no problems so far and always gone round to apologise for any builders noise but she has completely flipped on this...any advice?

Sorry, what about the panels?

It will still be horrible with half a tree, and it will die and your neighbours will hate you and will make your life hell. And with good reason.

But it's your garden. And chainsaw.

Dh is a tree surgeon (masters degree educated in this field)

You can legally cut it down at your side and fence it off with your neighbours permission, this is not illegal I really wish posters wouldn't post inaccurate crap

Its is your legal right to cut any over hanging branches, and offer your neighbour them back, if she refuses you can dispose of them.

without your neighbours permission

I cannot believe all these people telling the OP to leave it alone in case she upsets her neighbour! It's HER garden, she doesn't want it there, tough shit if the neighbour doesn't like it. The neighbour does NOT have good reason to dislike the OP f she does this, they are being entirely unreasonable enrouching on HER property.

I am no gardener (I can kill anything green from 20 paces, just by looking at it)

Please come and from hard at the sycamore next to us.

I know you can cut down tree branches that overhang your own fence - if the trunk is partly over your boundary line, can you do anything about that? Anyone?

What is a friendship tree?Is it some arcane warning?
Like she is not going o be friendly if you choppify it?
I don't know why everyone is saying this Woodentop tree is 'beautiful'. It sure is NOT.Is a bliddy eyesore right in the way of a proper fence which is kind of important for privacy and so on.

Legally, you can cut it back and put the fence where the boundary is and nothing she can do.

If in doubt consult the local Council for advice.
Otherwise maybe get Spotty the dog to wee on it. That will kill it.

*frown, not from

Bastarding autocorrect

I think that tree would look really lovely with ChristmAs lights on it, leave the friendship tree alone you big Grinch!

Haudyerwheeshtbawbag thanks for the advice we we're getting a bit confused with what everyone was saying. We've found a tree surgeon and giving them a call tomorrow...we've decided to try and keep good neighbours by inviting her round so she can hear what the surgeon says and then hopefully everyone will be happy.

Thanks Krustykittens!

Pictures a little more front on for those that want to get a better idea.

I'm guessing that because of its position, the removal of the fence panels and the fact she called it a 'friendship tree' that she and the previous owners of your house might have been close friends and planted it on the boundary and had a Christmas tradition as part of their friendship.

Nothing to do with you, of course, but it is your problem because if you touch it and reinstall the fencing she won't be happy. It's up to you how much you care about that.

You've been in since at least Christmas? It looks well maintained. Have you been trimming it for her? I'm not saying that's wrong but if you've done that she might have mistakenly got the impression that you liked it.

I'd definitely remove the tangle of wires. I don't think the garden is a jungle by any means but can see why you want to tidy or remove the bushes at the end and maybe you're not a fan o,f the shrubs at the side either. I'm not, and not a big fan of conifers which can grow alarmingly. That said, that wouldn't bother me at the moment. I'm not fussed about privacy in the garden, which is just as well, seeing as the layout at the back means I'm overlooked by five neighbours. I find MN's obsession with privacy, given that most of use don't live in glorious seclusion, if not weird, then unrealistic.

Ultimately, it's your garden and if you chop back half of the tree and it dies there's very little in practical terms that she's going to do about it. I'd just be a bit more diplomatic. I get the impression that your neighbour may be older than you. I know it might be just for here and not to her face but it's not a great idea to call people bonkers. You don't achieve your objective which should be getting on with your neighbours. That's not because I'm all peace and love, it's because hostility with neighbours is just awful and you really want to avoid it, trust me.

That doesn''t mean you should bend over; it just means that maybe you should slow down a little bit

Get the dog. Let the dc's roll balls, cars etc through the gap. She will probably soon get fed up of constantly having to answer the door for requests of can I have my ball back.. or oops my bad the pup has escaped again and is currently digging up your garden.

Because people telling op to leave it and not out the fence back, this is what will happen. And suddenly op will be the unreasonable one as will her dc's.

It might be a nice green thing. It can still be a nice green thing fully in the neighbors garden. No way would I put up with itorfence round it. Sod that. Wonder if the neighbour is why ops place went on the market in the first place.

MsLexicon yes we thought that about the 'friendship' tree but didn't think much of it. Just thought as lovely as that sounds we don't have that type of connection and are wanting our privacy.

I have no idea why tree surgeon always makes me laugh 😂or why I had to let you know that it does.

But it is a lovely tree !

Limitedperiodonly you are right I shouldn't call her bonkers and yes she is older than us but she's not some 'little frail old lady' she's a bit of a battle axe type and that's not meant nastily...when we came to the view house she was asking all sorts of questions and she would have her say on who the house would be sold to... just going to wait and see what the tree surgeon says and take it from there.

And as for the friendship tree bollocks. Either she has been to a botanical garden in Russia and nicked some prunings from there.
Or it's in serious need of a trim as the South African variety live in plant pots

Lonelymummyof1

OP I thought you were asking for advice. I'm by no means a pushover but IME it is better to negotiate with neighbours and then if you cannot come to an agreement you should do what you are entitled to do.

From your update: if she'd have asked me all sorts of questions when I came to view I wouldn't have bought it because that's the number one sign of a difficult neighbour. But you have. So you're stuck with her. Do what you want. There's not much she can do

My God I could not live with a friendship tree and no privacy in my garden!

As much as the neighbours might be lovely I want my own garden fully fenced that I can enjoy in peace alone with the dog!

I would not be living with a communal tree and would not be leaving my garden unfenced for the neighbour to wonder into/talk through/generally be a nightmare through!

I'd trim it right back, give her the cuttings, and I'd cut the wire 'fencing' open and push that all back to her side too.

It doesn't look like an overgrown jungle it looks like a nice garden?

Start hacking it back and you'll make it look worse.

YABU. It's a lovely tree. You sound like the bonkers one IMHO.

Not only has she planted her tree right on the boundary (is her garden too small to take it all by any chance?) But she's also encroached further by putting a little fence around it too !!
Was this not mentioned in the legal pack though ? Definitely an odd boundary feature !

I think you're giving her far too much say in what happens on your property and by the sounds of it she already seems to think her names on the deeds so God only knows what more input will bring your way!

YABU to want to hack into the tree. I know it's a bit annoying, as it overhangs your land, but it would look shit chopped in half.

Why not just leave it? It looks nice. It will look sweet with Christmas lights on. We have a boundary with our (lovely widowed) neighbour, and a fir tree she planted a few years ago has tripled in size, (gone from 3 feet high to 9 feet high,) and a couple of feet of its width comes over onto 'our land.' She actually asked us if we want her to chop it, and we said 'no it's fine.'

We don't mind at all, and moved part of the 3 foot high wire fence to accommodate it's growth (it's at the side, near the front, about 45-50 feet from our house, but it's still overhangs our garden very slightly.) We don't mind though as it's a gorgeous tree. And she is a lovely neighbour.

Just leave it. I would. I mean, when your neighbour planted it, there was always the risk that a new neighbour may not want it hanging over their garden, and maybe you are entitled to feel irked. But why fall out with neighbours? I have had God-awful neighbours in the past and it has been a living hell and has caused anxiety and depression.

But where I have lived for the last 7 years, all 10 sets of neighbours in my little part of the road are amazing. Lovely kind people, ranging from couples and widows aged 45 to 80, one family with 3 kids, one family with 2 kids, and a 19 year old couple. Everyone gets on so well, and people just don't complain; if something is a bit 'awkward,' they work around it.

Like the old lady that lives opposite occasionally has a visitor who parks so I can't swing into my drive, but I park a few feet away (on the road) and then move the car back when they've gone. It happens about twice a month, and I don't care.

It's the best neighbourhood I have ever lived in. We are all good friends, we help each other out in an emergency, we give each other plants and strawberries and tomatoes etc, and we do favours occasionally if someone needs help. Some summer days, there are 10-12 people or more in the close chatting for half an hour. It's lovely.

I would never sacrifice that because of a frankly quite pleasant tree over hanging my garden.