To tell my neighbours their bonkers?

[Sparklyshoes16]

We've bought a house and absolutely love it and spending a lot of time and effort doing it up on the inside...as the weather is good we've decided to turn our attention to the garden and start clearing the jungle of overgrown bushes etc...as soon as we bought it we spoke to the neighbours and made it clear that we would be putting new fences up (matching the existing ones as our neighbour had taken out some panels) and getting the tree chopped back...the tree root is near the boundary but on their side...we had some people come round to give us a quote on how much to get the tree chopped back and to clear the garden etc our neighbour decided to come out and give them what for telling them it's a friendship tree and no one will be touching it as she hangs xmas tree lights up on it (there was non this Xmas just gone). I didn't actually know what to say so just smiled and said erm well no we discussed this and you agreed to have it chopped back and cut down a little and then ushered the garden people away from the mad woman...we know we have no legal standing on her cutting some of it down but according to her we can't make her cut it back either? We've checked the deeds over incased we'd missed something (we had already done that before we purchased) AIBU to tell her she's bonkers and to mind her own business? We've had no problems so far and always gone round to apologise for any builders noise but she has completely flipped on this...any advice?

Shove it towards her side and put your fence in front of it.

By hook or by crook, I'd want fencing up, minimum 6 feet, so is there a way of putting up a rounded section? You'll have to keep it trimmed or you'll end up with similar to mine which need a proper tree surgeon in every couple of years.

I think it's hideous but it would look even worse cut in half and might die. I would actually fence round it and plant some shrubs or something to hide the fence not being straight

It looks lovely how it is! And you knew it was there when you viewed before you moved in. If you cut it it will be half a tree and look terrible.

Definitely NOT to my taste and I'd want it off my side of the property too. I'm just not one for that type of 'domestic' conifer.

I think I'd make it clear to her that I was going to trim it back to the property line and install the fencing. I might be tempted to add that if she wanted to suggest a compromise that did NOT involve leaving any part of the tree on my side of the property I'd be willing to 'entertain' them. Obviously, there isn't anything but at least you made the offer.

I wonder what the attachment is for her to call it a 'friendship tree'. To me that would a tree I planted with a friend or in memory of someone close to me.

Op's last post is very reasonable. I love the idea of the neighbor putting Christmas lights round the tree, but it's right on the boundary line. I would want complete privacy too and the neighbor can plant a Christmas tree pretty easily in a more appropriate spot on her own property. It's not a friendship tree if the other friend doesn't want it.

Your neighbor thinks she's entitled to your garden for her tree. The fence needs to look consistent and the tree doesn't look right there anyway. You want to just trim it back enough to fit the fence panel there. I think that is well within your rights as it's encroached into your garden. I understand that the neighbor wants the tree to have that full round Christmas tree look but she'll have to do it on her own property.

Op, ask her in for a cup of tea and just tell her that you want privacy and a consistent look for the fence. Say you have no ill will toward the tree or the neighbor and will try to have it trimmed just enough to fit the panel across. Ask her if she can understand that you want complete privacy and a consistent fence and to have a say over your own property?

If she bucks up then completely ignore her and do what you need to do. She is a jerk in my opinion, it is your property her tree is on!

You sound like the bonkers one! And arrogant too.

I wouldn't fence round it. That may create a legal issue later with property boundaries.

I would just cut it back and put a fence panel in front of it. Conifers are bloody awful. There was one in our garden when we moved in and we finally had it cut down last year. I certainly wouldn't want someone else's conifer half in my garden!

I don't dislike it, but I don't think that either garden would look awful without it.

"Shove it towards her side and put your fence in front of it."

I presume that it wouldn'tbe that easy.

Why has she been taking fence panels out?

Thanks for all the replies...just been discussing it with my husband...

Ok let's clear a few things up as I don't think I was clear enough!

1. WE HAVE NOT TOLD NDN SHE HAS TO CUT HER TREE DOWN!! She asked us to as it's getting too tall for her...her words not ours

1. ALL WE WANT TO DO IS CUT THE OVER HANGING BITS OFF AND REPLACE THE FENCE THEY TOOK OUT!! A few times now when we've been in the garden she just appears and starts telling us what to do when we're near the wire fencing/tree.

1. We have offered to pay for everything even moving it to elsewhere IF she wants to.

1. We are paying for the fence panels etc that have been removed to be replaced.

1. Great for those people who do get on with their neighbours and would love this tree in their garden...unfortunately we're not a fan and simply want our PRIVACY!

1. Hopefully after our children we will be getting a dog to stop any furniture issues with dog escaping into other's gardens that's why we're having the garden enclosed...other neighbour on other side is happy that we're doing the fences at our expense and can't wait for it to be done.

Thanks for the replies though all it has made us feel abit guilty and as I type husband is looking for a tree surgeon to see what's best way to go about it WITHOUT hopefully killing it.

By the way, that is not a fancy tree by any means! I had two of those flanking the front door of our old house that previous owners had planted. It's not unattractive but it's a common shrub/tree that really, gardeners do not get excited about. Cut it back and fit in the fence panel and be done with it. The neighbor can plant a Christmas type tree on her own property. I love those types of evergreen Christmas shaped trees myself, but she cannot encroach on your property and act entitled about it, absolutely no. She can plant one, taking into account the growth like she should have the first time, in her own boundary lines.

I wonder what kind of weirdo you have to be to want to plant a conifer so it intentionally grows into a neighbours garden. I presume the previous owners of your house must have agreed to this, but no way does that bind you and they should have realised this. The loveliness or otherwise of the conifer is not up for debate; a sizeable part of it overhangs your land and you don't want it there. That's it.

drummergirl34 is right, you can trim back any parts of the thing which intrude into your garden. If this kills it, it shouldn't need to be in your garden to survive in the first place, tough, but it probably won't. You will be left with a view of its brown innards but your nice new fence will hide that. Trimmings belong to the owner and you could offer to return them, or dispose of them yourself if they won't take them back.

And what's this other thing with the little wire border around it? Are they trying to take over your garden a bit at a time? It's got to go.

Have a serious attempt at negotiating first but I'm a bit concerned about your neighbours' attitude to your - repeat your - garden. They may have taken the piss with the previous people but you need to start as you mean to go on.

I'll preface my suggestion with the statement that I know nothing about trees BUT is there a way of extracting the tree and giving it wholly to her to replant in her garden in a place where it won't infringe your border?

What overhanging bits though?

That would be half of the tree, and it will look absolutely horrible.
Also it looks safe, there are no gaps around it. I'd let it be. You will have a lot less privacy if you start cutting bits off it.

YABVU it's bloody lovely. Leave it alone

Just tell her you plan on rehoming a pair of adult bull mastiffs and need to secure your garden. That you are sorry about her tree but if you don't replace the fence panels your new, huge dogs will be in her garden all the time. They will probably poop in there all the time and they do huge poops.

She'll change her mind in no time. Then once the work is done, you can tell her the dogs you planned on rehoming found a new home before you were ready for them.

i think your crazy neighbour is trying to steal your garden bit by bit

she knew what she was doing when she removed your fence panels and planted the darn thing!

It doesn't look like a friendship tree to me - they are succulent shrubs which can take quite hard cutting back.

Looks more like a remnant from the excess zeal for conifers some years ago which often combine lack of support for wildlife with ugliness as they age.

You can prune back your side as pp suggested - I've grown clematis and other climbers up badly pruned conifers to some effect. Did your neighbours plant it on the boundary or are they more worried you might challenge the encroachment into your boundary (can't see how far it is)?

It's your garden, and she's planted a tree in hers that has grown unchecked into yours. Speaking as someone who has had massive issues with a neighbour and trees, start as you mean to go on. You have a perfect right to fence along your boundary, and where you are going wrong is to give her a choice. I'd say to her that it's going on your side, and as a courtesy you will get the surgeon to reduce the height if she would like. But don't start negotiating over your personal space. It's not a rare and beautiful tree, it's a conifer that is going to grow and grow into your garden............... 19 years of argumentative neighbours have taught me to be tough!!

Yanbu at all. It's encroached into your garden because she hasn't maintained it.

One thing to remember when you do trim it up and put in fencing is that if she doesn't maintain the 'backside' of the conifer on her side from the top of the fence to ground level new branches will soon start to push your fence panels out of place. Conifers are strong little buggers with sturdy branches. You may want to talk to your landscape architect or whoever is putting in your fence about that possibility and what can be done to avoid it. Otherwise you'll be removing, trimming and replacing the fence panels forever.

I would leave it alone. It looks good in the middle. You'd be the 'bonkers' one to cut it in half.
Also it would be the talk of the street 'Crazy new people have killed the friendship tree!'
Have you read ' How to win friends and influence people'?
You're doing it wrong!

Chardonnaysprettysister as I have said previously we are putting the fence panels back in that have been removed!

Just get legal advice!!

My neighbours had a war about bushes between their properties. It cost 5 figures to sort it!

Neighbour A had very tall conifers (they were not quite as tall as the house) down the side of their garden. Neighbour B wanted them hacking back because 'it blocked his view' despite his view being Neighbour A's garden! Neighbour A won after a 3 year fight (reportedly cost £20,000 this legal fight). Neighbour B then poisoned Neighbour A's conifers so Neighbour A took them to court. Neighbour B ordered to pay costs which they did and Neighbour A left the unsightly brown, leaveless conifers in place to piss them off!

For what it is worth, Neighbour B are horrid! Never spoke to them but they have scowled at us (we arrived in the street a couple of years later). The wife was sacked for putting her hand in the till at the local shop, they swore at a lovely little old lady who lived behind when she did her annual deed of bringing chocolates to their children (all because the little old lady complained about his brick built shed that had no planning permission) then they decided to call SS on Neighbour A when her 11 year old daughter was locked out of her house (she went to Neighour C's for the 15 minutes her older brother took to get home - school bus delay!) just to 'get back' at them! But they are not connected - but they were bonkers!