WIBU to cancel DS birthday party as a punishment?

[Superheroessidekick]

DS is due to have friends over at the weekend for his birthday. I have just been called into the school because he ripped up a sentimental item that another child brought in for show and tell. The poor child was devastated and I am mortified. He was also messing around with another boy kicking each other. With 2 weeks left till the summer holidays it seems like there has not been a week where the teacher hasn't had words with us about silly behaviour and he always gets grounded/ punished appropriately in and out of school. I have got to the point where I feel something really has to be done I do not want this to carry on into year 5/6 then god forbid secondary. Is it too harsh to cancel his party?

Oh yes I'd do the same in your position.

A chore a day to redeem the party. .
Big chores. .

At 9 he is more than old enough to know that what he was doing was wrong. I've never ever agreed with cancelling a child's party as a punishment - until now.

That poor child, they must be gutted. Your DS needs to realise how upset that other child feels and the punishment be something he remembers for a long time. I would absolutely be cancelling his birthday party and be making it very clear how disappointed I was with his behaviour

IT would be a good lesson to the other kids who have to miss out on the party too tbh don't be a little fucker or you could lose your parties too

If it didn't happen to be his birthday, how would you punish him?

Birthdays are once a year and while I agree that he needs something harsh, using his birthday just because it's nearby seems a bit tricky. What will you do if he does something like it again and it's not his birthday?

Cancel. He needs a big shock to the system.

Thank you I was worried I might be seen as a horrible parent but like a few have said I want this to be nipped in the bud. I don't want a horrible uncontrollable teenager and I don't want him following the wrong paths in secondary school. He needs to know this behaviour can't carry on.

I think you should cancel the party. And he should lose all screen time/miss an out of school activity he enjoys for a couple of weeks.

I've got a nine year old boy and under these circumstances I would definitely cancel. That's not messing around 'gone wrong' that's wilful, nasty, spiteful behaviour. For which there has to be real consequence that causes your son, on some level, similar feelings of loss and upset HE caused the other child by destroying the item.....
He has to know that there are consequences for doing something this terrible. Consequences that are severe and really will make him think before he does something like this again.
Also, this is nothing to do with other children, don't make them the scape goat for your sons behaviour. HE did this, not who he hangs around with.

How has he been with the invited kids?

THey might be happy not to go!

@Purplepicnic his normal punishments would be no ipad or PlayStation, no going out to play with friends and more chores for set amount of time depending on the reason for punishment but I'm starting to think this isn't enough it's clearly not working but I'm not sure what else to do?

I'd cancel. But I'd still give him gift/s and mark the occasion in some way (I don't know how Though!).
And yes, his mates might see that actions have consequences. And the other child and his family will see that you have dealt with the behaviour in a way that reflects the seriousness of what he did.

I would probably do something else that affects only him as other children will be looking forward to the party.

Cancelled pocket money? More chores?

In my book; 'only well-behaved and kind children who respect the property of others get birthday parties'. He needs guidance on what he needs to do for another occasion.

I agree with cancelling the party. Time he learned consequences IMO.

It's unfortunate that he misbehaved so close to his birthday, but that's his lookout. Consequences exist, he's about to learn.

@TaggieRR
He will definitely also be grounded from all technology and going out to play etc.

Out of interest are the invited children the same children you want to actively discourage him from consorting with??

I think if you've tried removal of Ipad/ PS or grounding and it's not working, and if you have checked that there are no underlying concerns that might be driving bad behaviour, then yes, I would cancel too.

It's bullying behaviour and he did something nasty to another child to get laughs or attention so while I'd feel like a right shit for doing it, I would see it as something I need to do for his long term sake.

I would cancel the party. Really mean behaviour. I'm sure end of term silliness is a factor but I agree with you - nip in the bud now.

I would and I normally never agree with these types of post but that was really malicious behaviour and he needs a bit of a shock.

Given the nature of the behaviour, I think cancelling the party is the right thing to do. If the kids that are invited are the ones generally egging him on then maybe it'd be a good thing for them too.

At the age of 8 /9 they understand acceptable behaviour and it needs to be managed now. If the teacher is talking to you weekly then you need to sort it out

I wouldn't cancel his party. Aside from.being mean and inconvenient to others are you expecting it to cure his bad behaviour. If not, where do you have left to go in terms of consequences?
I would certainly be making him buy something substantial for the child whose item he damaged though and he would be paying for it either from pocket money or selling something of his as a pp suggested.

I think I would cancel the party too.

Normally I can be a bit of a softy and think that it was too harsh but to purposely destroy something that not only belonged to someone else but was also sentimental.