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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not keen on holiday clubs

132 replies

LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 12:42

I feel guilty about paying for a holiday club when I'm not working in the summer hols. But sometimes i need a break. We live in a flat and DC are 8 and 11. It isn't cheap, £30 a day each. He doesn't seem to get that I need a break and makes me feel guilty that I don;t want to spend all the time with them. But 6 weeks is a long time. I feel stressed about the thought if it all. Even though he will have time off too.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 04/07/2017 12:43

What is his objection?

WillRikersExtraNipple · 04/07/2017 12:44

He doesn't have anything to do with it. It's not up to him how you spend your time.

RedSkyAtNight · 04/07/2017 12:45

Do the DC want to do them (mine DC had well and truly "done" holiday clubs by age 11)? Can you afford them?

Though I'm concerned that you are getting stressed with the idea of spending the summer with them. At those ages they spend a lot of time amusing themselves surely?

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 12:47

Well, I suppose I'm not working to pay for it. And that when they are off I am here for them. he is also taking time off. he says things like I enjoy my time with them, would love to work less. So maybe he will take them out sometimes so I have some time to myself. he doesn't seem to get that it can be a win-win thing- I get some time and they get something they enjoy. Not sure why he doesn't seem to get that. They do Saturday morning and term time clubs for example.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 12:48

They do amuse themselves, but as we live in a flat they are in and go on the tablet / computer a lot, which he also is not keen on (for long lengths of time) and going out is in town which I find stressful as it is busy.

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 04/07/2017 12:48

I wouldn't be happy to spend that much money if I didn't need to tbh. Could your DH take some time off work to lighten the load a little. Even just one day a week?

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 12:49

Yes they would like to do one of the clubs, not sports ones though.

OP posts:
whereiscaroline · 04/07/2017 12:50

In our area they run shorter day clubs which are more like £10-£15 a day, but only for limited hours, for example 10am-3pm.

You would still get a break but perhaps your husband would object less to £30 a day in total instead of £60 if you have something similar nearby?

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 12:50

Maybe I'll send them out with him since he enjoys entertaining them so much! Wish it was like when I was little (grew up in country and could be much freer). It will be easier in a year or two when they can go out alone. The eldest can but not the youngest, yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 12:51

Yes, the one which is familiar to them is the £30 for 9.30- 3pm. I thought there may be a chapter one but it is sports based and they aren't keen. Maybe I'll look at others, and playdates.

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 04/07/2017 12:51

I don't think I would be too happy if I was your DH either tbh. £60 per day when you are going to be sitting at home, doing what?! And 8 and 11 are hardly hard to look after are they?!
Is there something you're not saying?

RiverTam · 04/07/2017 12:52

But the OP does need to, she needs the odd day to herself here and there over the 6-week break. I should think the vast majority of people have that need. And her DC will probably enjoy it and get something positive out of it. Unless you are totally skint, it's surely win-win.

blackteasplease · 04/07/2017 12:54

Yeah, as long as you aren't totally skin this seems a good plan.

He has to be realistic about everyone's needs and enjoyment.

RedSkyAtNight · 04/07/2017 12:55

RiverTam the vast majority of people do not have odd days to themselves when they are not working or looking after DC!

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 12:58

Well, I have a long term health condition so it isn;t easy, I feel I do need some time off (if i'm not to be really ill and / or grumpy!) I know there is a free playscheme at a local community centre for a couple of hours a day towards the end of the holidays. They don't tend to know the children there, but when I get the dates i can maybe email the other school parents and some might go too. An hour or two can make all the difference.

OP posts:
Eolian · 04/07/2017 13:00

Tbh it wouldn't remotely occur to me to use a holiday club if I were at home. Dh and I are both teachers, so we spend all of term time looking after other people's children, but we still look forward to spending the holidays with our own. Surely if your dh is taking time off too, you'll be able to have some time to yourself occasionally?

minionsrule · 04/07/2017 13:02

Personally if the kids like the clubs they go to I would send them - 6 weeks off school is boring for kids as well stuck at home with parents (even if they don't admit getting bored out of school). This isn't just for your benefit, it benefits the kids as well and gives them a few days of activities with other kids.
My ds knew loads of kids when he went to high school because of these clubs. Whilst he mostly did have to go on my working days, sometimes he would ask to go even on one of my days off (thanks ds!!!)

luckylucky24 · 04/07/2017 13:05

I think I would feel the same as your DH. £60 Is a lot of money to pay because you need a break. Could you not have a break on the days DH is off work?

SashaSashays · 04/07/2017 13:06

I would be arranging activities based on boredom rather than on having my freedom.

I would not be happy to pay for this so my DH could have a break, but I would be happy to pay for things to keep the DC occupied. Presumably if you aren't working you get a break all the time they're at school?

I try to arrange things for 3 of the 5 week days in the summer holidays mainly because they get bored and cabin fever sets in. Some of this is activities we do together, some is things they get dropped at and sometimes its seeing friends of family for the day.

WankYouForTheMusic · 04/07/2017 13:06

OP are you a SAHP or do you work term time? And how skint are you?

I will say that, either way, if you live in a flat and have older kids then there's going to have to be a certain amount of ponying up for activities, if he doesn't want them on tablets etc all the time. That has a cost: we no longer live in a world where it's ok and safe for kids to roam the streets amusing themselves for hours on end. It's fine for him to have preferences, but equally he needs to take some responsibility for meeting them. Not just telling you how it's going to be.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/07/2017 13:09

I'm disabled. Long term health condition. My dd is 9 and she takes a lot of looking after because she wants to do stuff with others so either friends or me. She is going to 2x 1 week clubs 9.30-3.30 plus a 4 night stay. I love to be with my dd. But she's just too much for me sadly. Do what you need to do to get through the holiday.

SunTrapped · 04/07/2017 13:11

I think YABU if your DH objects. It's only 6 weeks. You get a break when they're at school and can take time to yourself when your DH is off or at weekends. I don't understand why you would waste money on holiday club when you don't need to. Why not take them out in the mornings then have your rest in the afternoons while they entertain themselves reading/playing/watching a film?

Holidays are about the whole family, not just you.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 04/07/2017 13:12

I think YABU if your DH objects

So he's the boss of her and decides what she does with her days? Hmm

BallOrAerosol · 04/07/2017 13:12

I do a lot of day trips with mine during the holidays and £60 is a bargain! I usually end up paying way more than that on a full day trip, although obviously things like 2 hours in the local museum evens it out a bit. I can see it must get a bit claustrophobic with three of you in a flat for the whole day. We get on each others nerves sometimes if we have too many 'chilling at home' days, so some money has to be spent on going out IMO, whether that is all of you on a day trip or holiday clubs for the DC.

Snap8TheCat · 04/07/2017 13:15

I have to admit I don't understand why you need a break from an 8 and 11 year old. Even taking them swimming they could go in by themselves and you could watch from the side with a magazine.