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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not keen on holiday clubs

132 replies

LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 12:42

I feel guilty about paying for a holiday club when I'm not working in the summer hols. But sometimes i need a break. We live in a flat and DC are 8 and 11. It isn't cheap, £30 a day each. He doesn't seem to get that I need a break and makes me feel guilty that I don;t want to spend all the time with them. But 6 weeks is a long time. I feel stressed about the thought if it all. Even though he will have time off too.

OP posts:
Walkingtowork · 04/07/2017 14:14

I've just paid for holiday clubs so DH (SAHD) can have a break. As for "footing the bill" I can only work because he looks after our children, so quite clearly all the money I earn is family money.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 14:14

As I can't drive, think maybe not worth getting the NT. We can use our residents card for local museums.

OP posts:
Lim0ne · 04/07/2017 14:17

Do what you need to do OP. If it's a club with an actual purpose that they will enjoy, then it will be a positive experience for them, so why not? Once they get locked into screens it can be a job to get them out without a specific purpose and it's hard to come up with appealing trips every day.

If it's one of those "holding facility" / day care type clubs though, I wouldn't bother personally.

11 is a tricky age in that they're not quite old enough to be doing their own thing, but are bored by the kind of activity you may want to do with the younger one.

Floralnomad · 04/07/2017 14:18

No reason why you can't go off and do your lane swimming or whatever while they do whatever in the pool at that age , assuming they can both swim .

splendide · 04/07/2017 14:20

I presume your DH never spends a penny going away, golfing or anything? And that every single day at work is spent doing work - he never goes for lunch with his colleagues or goes on a team building day or anything?

I don't know about OP's DH but I am a WOHP and this would describe me! I work when I am at work and I am with DS when I am at home. This idea that everyone gets loads of time to themselves doesn't reflect my reality or that of most of the working parents I know.

Floralnomad · 04/07/2017 14:38

Agree with pp , my dh always did more than his fair share with the dc and has never really had time for himself . Quite honestly not getting a break from the dc in the holidays is part of the price you pay for being a SAHP , but just look at all the time you have alone the rest of the year if the dc are school age , it's swings and roundabouts .

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 14:41

Yes, the thing is with this club it is at the city farm which they go to on Saturdays and they enjoy looking after the animals, making dens and fires etc, they are basically outside all day which is good as we live in a city. i mean I can take them anytime and will, for free but staying there all day is quite a time. The leader is lovely too. So yes it is more for them really. My eldest is asking if he can go so i'll maybe get home to speak to DH about it. Maybe they will do a discount as we go the weekend club too.

OP posts:
DerelictWreck · 04/07/2017 14:41

OP you don't have to have NT membership - it's pay as you go.

Having said that, family NT membership for the year is only £114 - that's just two days of the holiday club for both kids! Shock

JayneAusten · 04/07/2017 14:42

I'm sorry but I agree with your husband. 6 weeks of looking after two older children is not hard work, especially when the rest of the year you have 5 days a week to yourself.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 14:42

That's a good idea about the lane swimming. I usually avoid the sports centre pool as the gym one is quieter but yes it does have lanes.

OP posts:
AndNowItIsSeven · 04/07/2017 14:46

So it's more of a supervised day out at the farm than a traditional holiday club?

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 14:48

Yes, it is themed, a bit like forest school. I think 16 children maximum.

OP posts:
AndNowItIsSeven · 04/07/2017 14:53

I wouldn't even consider that childcare tbh just a fun day out for your dc.

peukpokicuzo · 04/07/2017 14:54

Seek out things that are more than just holiday clubs. Kids activity days where they are just playing games and passing the time may be harder to justify than something like a Code Camp activity (learning computer programming skills), or music-focused or leadership-skills focused activities which could build up talents that will help with eventual university entrance applications and possibly also enhance career prospects.

That we you get your much-needed down-time and the money isn't a waste, it's an investment in your children's future!

flownthecoopkiwi · 04/07/2017 15:18

I'm feeling guilty for using holiday club for 7 days over summer. I work 4 days a week. All leave being used for childcare

diddl · 04/07/2017 16:16

" but just look at all the time you have alone the rest of the year if the dc are school age "

But that doesn't magically store up so that Op can easily manage when she does have both the boys.

Plus it's also about things that they can do & will enjoy & Op can get the to.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 16:22

Or I could think of how nice it will be not to do the schoo, run for a while and after school / before school clubs, homework etc, and a change from the routine. It will probably be nice when we get into it. The weather being good makes a lot of difference.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 04/07/2017 16:30

diddl , that's why I said it's swings and roundabouts , life can't always be exactly as you want it , but being a SAHP to school age children can be a pretty good life , I know what I'd rather do if the choice is work ft with 5/6 weeks holiday or be a SAHP .

sysysysref · 04/07/2017 16:37

I don't think that you are unreasonable at all. My youngest is doing 2 days a week every week at holiday club @£32 a day simply because he absolutely loves it. He would like to go every day but I do have to draw the line somewhere. I find it breaks the week up nicely and I get a couple of days to run around doing other things and the rest of the time we are all together. My husband didn't even murmur when i told him that i is booked the little one in, I assume he thought it sounded like a good idea.

Ragwort · 04/07/2017 16:45

Tbh it wouldn't remotely occur to me to use a holiday club if I were at home - maybe you wouldn't but that doesn't mean no one else can Hmm.

I was a SAHM but frequently used holiday clubs during the school holidays, my DS loved them (an only child), he did some great activities and we could afford to send him. I appreciate that it is a 'luxury' if you can't afford it, but if you can why not? My DH wouldn't even comment about it, well he did - saying it was a good idea.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 16:59

Well the children asked me about it, they got the leaflet from their Saturday club and asked if could go!

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 04/07/2017 17:02

It seems he's very happy to voice his unhappiness at them going to clubs and using screens and that implies you should be doing more for them. I suggest that for at least 2-3 days that he is off that he has the children for a full working day. Let's see how he entertains them all day without using clubs or screens.

He's very quick to tell you how to do your job. Maybe you should start telling him how to do his.

I haven't worked since pregnant with dc1 and sometimes I send the kids to my inlaws without even mentioning it to dh. He comes home to find them gone. He knows how hard full time at home with three kids can be and is happy I'm getting a break. The dcs like being at PIL so there's no trauma for anyone.

nancy75 · 04/07/2017 17:05

Loads of people send kids to holiday clubs even when 1 of the parents are at home - I know this because I work for a company that runs them! If you can afford it holiday clubs get kids doing stuff they wouldn't usually do & they are with other kids instead of mum/dad everyday. I work term time only but my Dd has gone to lots of different holiday activities over the years because she enjoys them, dp has never questioned me being at home while Dd is at a holiday club

Grimbles · 04/07/2017 17:15

I don't feel guilty because my DS prefers to go to after-school club than come home with me Confused

Lunde · 04/07/2017 17:29

Given that OP has a chronic health condition and receives PIP - she needs to make sure that she manages her health issues carefully so that she can cope for the rest of the holiday time.

I don't think that 3 days of holiday club sounds unreasonable