DH not keen on holiday clubs

[LovelyBath77]

I feel guilty about paying for a holiday club when I'm not working in the summer hols. But sometimes i need a break. We live in a flat and DC are 8 and 11. It isn't cheap, £30 a day each. He doesn't seem to get that I need a break and makes me feel guilty that I don;t want to spend all the time with them. But 6 weeks is a long time. I feel stressed about the thought if it all. Even though he will have time off too.

I presume your DH never spends a penny going away, golfing or anything? And that every single day at work is spent doing work - he never goes for lunch with his colleagues or goes on a team building day or anything?

He can stop you spending money as long as you can stop him. Fair's fair.

Yes, i might arrange some play dates for my younger DS. the eldest is mellow and we hang out together quite nicely. I didn't realise could take them swimming and sit at the side at this age- is that right? I thought had to get changed and go in.

DH does pay for the term time clubs which aren't cheap. So yes it probably does add up.

The campsite sounds like very good value.

I hope the termtime clubs are just activities they enjoy doing and not just babysitting them

How much hands-on childcare does this H actually do? If he is taking some time off work during the summer holiday, will he be taking the kids out (or looking after them at home while you go out and do something you enjoy?)

Some men (especially those who make a lot of noise about how they wish they could be the SAHP but actually do fuck all of the shitwork involved in parenting and no housework) are very keen to keep their wives on constant domestic service duty, while their time at home is spent on leisure activities that benefit them only, because they 'work so hard'.

OP mentioned that the H 'doesn't like' the DC using tablets etc any more than he likes holiday clubs. I'm getting the impression of a man who wants OP's time fully devoted to the DC and housework to stop her Getting |Ideas Above Her Station.

I think it is fair enough, especially if you live in a flat

Sometimes the council runs free/cheap sessions. A few years ago I sent them to a veey cheap but fun lego-stop-animation movie making course (Southampton I think in a museum? Council run) 3 sessions of 3 hours, it was fun for them, inspired them to do similar movies at home (takes hours) and I got a few hours off to mooch around on my own.

In your shoes, I would not "sell" it to your DH as time off for you, I'd sell it as a fun activity to stop kids from getting bored

Sometimes even b&q run sessions, or the applestore.

Go researching and find fun cheap stuff for them to do, if you end up with a few hours off it is a bonus.

Or a sport they love (cricket)

Make it specific to their interests

And to hell with the sanctimonious idea that you are not just supposed to look after and entertain them 24/7 for 6 weeks, you have to enjoy it 24/7 too....nonsense. They need stuff to do, and hopefully that means you get some time off too

Check with your pool but over 8 near us...obv need to be competant swimmer. It was one of the first things DD did with her mates without me. Also our Recreation Centre did roller skating and cheerleading...plus other stuff that not too sporty.

National trust properties often run cool outdoor sessions too, half or whole day, bushcraft etc.

It took me years to research everything available in my area, and now they are teens so it's irrelevant!

With a bit of research you could probably find some more interesting activities to do - mine at that age hated holiday clubs. Could you swap days with other parents to provide some variety?

Dh is pretty good, really, he's very hands on with them, for example most weekends he takes them to the car boot sale and the farm club while i go swimming. He can drive, I can't. He also works nearby and it's somewhere they help him doing up an old boat and they come back with things they have made. in fact he is much better at doing stuff with them than me. I feel guilty that i don;t do as much and with me they sometimes go on the tablets. Probably overall it balances out well, we have a general rule in the term time for computer / screen time before dinner, not after which they do stick to and in holidays either in the morning before lunch, or a couple hours after. I do agree with him in the main and he does his care, definitely.

NT is expensive though isn't it? For a family membership it is.

Yes we have roller skating, need to check that though. Younger DS clings on to me though so is pretty hard work! DH can come too perhaps.

£30 each for 3 days you are talking £180... can you not have some rest time on your DH is off...

I have just been to CEX this morning and bought about 6 DVD's for £10.50 for nothing to do days or rainy days in holidays.

I would look at things like infatable sessions where you can sit on the side of the pool..Internet shopping I only do during the school holidays at 8 and 11 they should also be given some jobs to help and take pressure off you.

They also should be capable of looking after themselves so you can get a lie in.

How mobile are you. For £60 per day I could think of loads of stuff to do. I used to take mine boating in pedallos on a lake and let them do all the pedalling whilst I relaxed in the back. We would pack a pick nick and a ball and go on a long walk with the dog.
Days out in the park or just driving or train out to a new area to go to an attraction. On some days just getting rugs and pillows out in the living room and having an in door pick nick with a few movies.
A lot of the time a long run around in the park whilst you relax on a rug with food and drinks. (I used to take a flask of hot water and coffee and milk and sugar.) our park is has a large enclosed area so is perfectly safe.
Or just get together with other mums. There is bound to be others in your position and give each other a break.

I think YANBU. DH is a SAHD and we have the DDs (10 & 7) in the outof school club. It's only for 2 afternoons a week and cheap at 8.50 for a half day. But I think all of them need a break from each other!

Sometimes its not about the money, its about yoyr own sainity and some time to breath. I send mind to club even if I'm home. Becuase sure £60 will get us a great day out. But that mean I'm usually.. A. the only adult so its pretty boring for me and B. Still in charge of the endless squabbles etc.

So YADNU to send them to the occasional holiday club.

Yes, i think you are right about it being expensive and could get time off when DH has them, also at weekends. My thing is the gym as it helps with pain especially swimming and since they were babies it has really helped me. But as long as can go a couple of times a week should be OK.

I just spoke to a nice man at the local pool who said at 8 and 12 they can go in themselves and there is a life guard and I can sit at the side, they also have a trampolining area and ten pin bowling opening by the end of the month.

Yes, they are pretty independant at getting up and amusing themselves, however I have a tricky problem with the eldest staying up latish (9.30-10) and sleeping in, whereas the youngest gets up around 6! Maybe that will change in the holidays though. Really, they're easy going children, whenever we have others round it seems they are easy in comparison.

It's the switching off for a while as well.

Can't comment on the age appropriate issue as I have younger DC

However I presume your DH approach is that if you are at home why do they need to go to a holiday club and especially so given he feels it is solely him footing the bill?

Personally if they enjoyed it I would send them - you are an equal part of the family even though you are presently not contributing equally financially. 6 hours of sport if they enjoy it is far better than 6 hours of gaming and ending crap which lets be honest is often what boys will do regardless of everyone's best intentions,

I not sure if it is £30 per child per day or £30 for both of them but I don't think it's outrageously costly -

Could you compromise say 3 days at holiday club a week?

*was meant to say eating crap

If you need a break and can afford holiday clubs/ activities then go for it.

DS2 normally does nursery term time only on the 15 hours of funding, but I'm keeping him one day a week through the summer for his sanity and mine. He will need the change of scenery and company of his own age.

I will do plenty with the 6 & 4 year old over the summer, but they need a break from me too and some peers. I used to find the summer holidays very long with little company of my own age as my friends didn't live locally so I only saw them on a few arranged occasions.

We're only 2 days into the school holidays (Scotland) and the DDs are already squabbling over every.little.thing. They're looking looking forward to the OOSC to see friends.

OP, do you get childcare vouchers? If not, see if your DH's employer does it. They bring the cost down. We put £20 per month in, which costs about £15 out of my wage IYSWIM. We leave it to save up for the school holidays so it pays for 2x 0.5 days a week (apart from a week away). It works for DH. They have a lie in, early lunch and then takes them from 1-5.30pm. And then there are some play dates with friends.

NT family membership is £114.60 for a year. Cheaper than 3 days at holiday club :) Depends what places you have near you though.

YABU. For £30 you could take them out somewhere and do something nice. At their age they can play independently and you can have a coffee/read - everyone's happy.
Is there an underlying problem? If not, draw up a schedule of playdates, activities etc that are planned to make everyone - you and the kids, happy.