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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not keen on holiday clubs

132 replies

LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 12:42

I feel guilty about paying for a holiday club when I'm not working in the summer hols. But sometimes i need a break. We live in a flat and DC are 8 and 11. It isn't cheap, £30 a day each. He doesn't seem to get that I need a break and makes me feel guilty that I don;t want to spend all the time with them. But 6 weeks is a long time. I feel stressed about the thought if it all. Even though he will have time off too.

OP posts:
diddl · 04/07/2017 13:15

I think if it's also something that they would like to do & it's affordable then fair enough.

Your're not talking all day, everyday for the 6wks, are you?

RedSkyAtNight · 04/07/2017 13:16

So he's the boss of her and decides what she does with her days?

No, but he has a joint say in how family money is spent.

PerspicaciaTick · 04/07/2017 13:18

How many days are we talking about over the 6 weeks? 1 or 2 days in total ? 1 day a week? 2 days a week?

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/07/2017 13:18

I see sooooo much sympathy for ill people here op Confused

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 04/07/2017 13:18

How often do you want to send them to the club? One day a week seems reasonable, with your husband picking up most of the entertaining on one of his weekend days. Any more than that and yes, I think you're being unreasonable. You get a hell of a lot of free time in term time whereas he, presumably, works full time.

SunTrapped · 04/07/2017 13:19

So he's the boss of her and decides what she does with her days? hmm

No because it's a joint decision and it's family money. £30 a day adds up quickly. Also it's his holiday too and if he's not happy with the kids being sent to holiday club they need to look at alternatives.

WankYouForTheMusic · 04/07/2017 13:20

Personally I don't find it shocking that someone with a long term health condition might want a bit of downtime from looking after two older children in a flat. Especially if they find town centres difficult, screen usage is to be kept to a minimum and rest means they're less likely to be really ill. It sounds claustrophobic just reading about it.

Dawnedlightly · 04/07/2017 13:21

It utterly depends on how often!

RedSkyAtNight · 04/07/2017 13:22

OP - If you need a break, why not go out/do an activity at home/meet up with friends in the morning? Then let the DC play on their tablets/watch a film in the afternoon while you have a nap/relax?

PinkHeart5911 · 04/07/2017 13:24

@ £30 a day it certainly isn't cheap! How are your finances? Are you able to comfortably afford this?

Are you just taking a few days to yourself in the holidays? OR are you paying £30 a day each very often in the holidays so you can have the day to yourself? They would be too very different situations imo

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 13:26

The one I mentioned is on for two weeks of three days each week between 9.30 and 3. I was thinking probably they could do one week. we will probably be away camping or something for at least one week or two, if the weather is good. The campsite is around £10 a night, very simple (and quiet). Yes maybe people don;t understand how tough it can be with a long term health condition. I am a SAHM i also claim PIP for my health condition but we don;t have much spare cash for clubs and things. As mentioned it can cost quite bit going out, going out for just the morning or afternoon is a good idea. However they like to go to certain shops in town, or do things like crazy golf which all drives me a bit mad! Haha. It gets busy here, in town. We will work together at the time I expect, just the idea of a known break for some days is a nice idea. I guess I can fall back on the plan of the free play scheme if it all gets a bit much towards the end of the holidays. And yes it is easier now they are a bit older. Two active boys. I saw a parent on the school tun today, a dad with a screaming toddler trying to get his older children to school, and remembered how hard that stage could be! We also have a local residents card which gets you into museums for free so can spend some time in there I guess.

OP posts:
araiwa · 04/07/2017 13:26

You dont work. Dh will be on holiday for some time. You want to spend £60 a day on holiday clubs. Im not surprised dh disagrees. Yabu

WillRikersExtraNipple · 04/07/2017 13:26

Also it's his holiday too and if he's not happy with the kids being sent to holiday club they need to look at alternatives

He's at work, how is it his holiday too?

GreenRut · 04/07/2017 13:27

Op don't feel guilty, do what you have to do. If you feel you need a break your dh doesn't get to tell you that you don't - it's not up for debate. Why wouldn't he trust your judgement on what you need? It is expensive yes and if there are cheaper alternatives then it makes sense to look into those, but you should not feel guilty about any of it, not in the slightest.

RiverTam · 04/07/2017 13:27

Redsky I never said all parents got it, I said I thought they would need it. Which I do. And if they can have it then I think they should take it. Why on earth not? And particularly as the OP has a health condition, and is stuck in a flat. And I find it odd that anyone would call a holiday club, where different activities are available and a new group of kids to hang out with, is a waste. Maybe her kids would like to get out of the flat and meet some new people?

Penhacked · 04/07/2017 13:27

If you just need a couple of hours away from them, I would find some nearby people in same boat and take turns doing play dates, even if kids are not exactly the same age it mixes things up. Could be on a cycle round the park or to play a board game or watch a film or whatever. Just make sure they know you would like a reciprocal arrangement!!

islandsandshores · 04/07/2017 13:29

I have to admit I don't like holiday clubs and that one is pricey.

For the children of that age though there is some middle ground (surely) between you having to entertain constantly and spending £60 a day!

HipsterHunter · 04/07/2017 13:30

3 days £30 2 children = £180

If you have the spare £180 then I don't think it is unreasonable to want 3 days to yourself over a 6 week break.

Personally I would be a bit more proactive about finding things on cheaper/ for free in the local area you can take them too though.

MissEliza · 04/07/2017 13:31

When my boys were younger I would send them to holiday activities for the chance to try something new like tennis. They were often run by the council. I wasn't working either but I was doing it primarily for them to have fun. Look around and see what's on offer.

Floralnomad · 04/07/2017 13:32

Well I agree with the husband , £60 per day whilst OP ' has a break' is a lot of money , they are not babies , at 8 & 11 it's hardly full on entertaining all day . If you struggle to entertain them at home take them away for a few days on your own , still probably cheaper than the holiday club.

witsender · 04/07/2017 13:33

It is a lot of money for 3 days of activities tbh

PerspicaciaTick · 04/07/2017 13:34

So you would be spending £180 for 3 days care grouped together in the one week?

Is your DH seeing this in terms of how long it would take him to earn the money? In my case, I would have to work 20 hours to earn £180 - it would make me feel a bit wary of spending so much. My DH would see it as the equivalent of two weeks food shopping.

Could you frame your discussion with your DH in terms of how the club will benefit all of you. You would get a break and the DC's would get skills/socialisation/confident boosting etc.

Crunchymum · 04/07/2017 13:35

Every day for the whole 6 weeks holidays = not OK
One [3 day] week so you get a break = fine

(just my personal opinion of course!)

bridgetreilly · 04/07/2017 13:35

Can you arrange some play dates with friends? You get a break while they are at someone else's house. When it's your turn, maybe take them out to the park or something, so they aren't stuck in the flat.

chocatoo · 04/07/2017 13:38

I feel that looking after the kids during the holidays comes with the territory of being a stay at home parent...I regard it as my job and I also enjoy it. However, I appreciate that you have some health issues: I would suggest that careful selection of activities should allow you to amuse the DCs as well as having some time for you. A PP suggested swimming for example. Other ideas are trips to the library (lots have activities on), picnics, park, etc., where you can point them in the direction of stuff to do whilst you sit on a bench with your book.
Seems a shame to put them into clubs when you could be with them...in a few years they'll be off with their mates and you'll be wishing they could squeeze in some time with their old mum!