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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not keen on holiday clubs

132 replies

LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 12:42

I feel guilty about paying for a holiday club when I'm not working in the summer hols. But sometimes i need a break. We live in a flat and DC are 8 and 11. It isn't cheap, £30 a day each. He doesn't seem to get that I need a break and makes me feel guilty that I don;t want to spend all the time with them. But 6 weeks is a long time. I feel stressed about the thought if it all. Even though he will have time off too.

OP posts:
RainbowsAndUnicorn · 04/07/2017 17:53

I'd not be happy if I were your DH too. You have five days a week to yourself term time and they are old enough to amuse themselves so I don't see the need to waste money on childcare. It's only six weeks.

Sofabitch · 04/07/2017 18:08

I'm surprised at the number of people who think entertaining children for 6 weeks is the funest thing ever and we should be super grateful for it.

My children are boring, hard work and after 6 weeks all the days merge into one long dredgery of shit.

I'm a much better parent when I have some time away and don't feel like my every moment is there to meet there needs.

Don't feel guilty Op. Its more than Okay to want some time to yourself. Aa long as your budget can cope then go for it.

As an aside. If you get a certain rate Dla and your income is low you might even get tax credit help towards paying for it.

Children are awesome but so is tine without.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 18:09

Well we would probably qualify for year round childcare due to ESA, but wouldn't claim it. i think it has to be regular though not one off. I kind of feel it should be a mutual agreement though. I do use my PIP to resource extra things so could use that perhaps but maybe towards some thing cheaper. It was mainly that they would enjoy this one.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 18:10

I didn't mean each week, btw, just 3 days one week, or possibly two. It would still be at least a month without. Have no family support either apart from DH.

OP posts:
PlymouthMaid1 · 04/07/2017 18:13

Seems a bit odd to me and for sixty pounds a day you could have amazing days out with the children. I couldn't have imagined doing that when mine were younger and I was alone with them usually for the whole six weeks. We loved it.

Sofabitch · 04/07/2017 18:15

I didn't mean each week, btw, just 3 days one week, or possibly two. It would still be at least a month without. Have no family support either apart from DH

I'd be tempted to go with 2 days a week for 3 weeks.

Or for about the same price you could book yourself 2 weekends away and let DH look after the children.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 04/07/2017 18:16

Seems a bit odd to me and for sixty pounds a day you could have amazing days out with the children

OP wants a rest from the children, so how is that helpful to her?

Sofabitch · 04/07/2017 18:16

But plymouthmaid not everyone loves it. Some people find it really really dull.

rollonthesummer · 04/07/2017 18:27

didn't mean each week, btw, just 3 days one week, or possibly two.

So, for 2 children to go 3 days a week for 2 weeks, that's £360! That is shedloads of money. Unless I was loaded (which you haven't commented on-is money an issue?) I wouldn't ever consider it.

MrGrumpy01 · 04/07/2017 18:28

YANBU. I put mine in a couple of clubs. Mainly to give them something different to do. I had their younger sibling at home so not totally child free but I think on at least one occasion I put her in nursery as well. (The scandal a sahp putting a child in nursery)

Dh is home with all 3. I work. It was me that suggested we put ds into a holiday club (works out at 3 sessions) and I am more than happy to pay for it. (Well ds's DLA will) I would pay for other things if it was needed/wanted.

Not everyone finds the 6 weeks easy for various reasons and there is nothing wrong with out sourcing childcare for a few days.

I am surprised at the criticism really.

Writerwannabe83 · 04/07/2017 18:34

My DH is a teacher and our son has still always gone into childcare during the holidays (two days a week). I would never begrudge my DH a few days a week to himself during his time off and say that because he's home our son should be with him.

Me and DH both think that childfree time is important though so it helps we're on the same page.

The thought of 6 weeks, day after day, of being surrounded by a child/children and having to entertain them just doesn't sound fun Grin

I hope you find a compromise OP, don't ever feel bad about needing or wanting a breather. I bet if their dad had to spend all day, every day with them for 6 weeks he'd soon have a different opinion on the matter Grin

Floralnomad · 04/07/2017 18:50

I think the responses on this thread would also have been very different if the OP had originally posted ' my dc want to go to a holiday club ' , whereas originally it sounded like she wanted them to go . If they want to go then that's a different matter entirely, and if you can afford it it's obviously a no brainer

eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 04/07/2017 18:57

I just booked my 2 year old into childminders for some holiday sessions as I cant cope with her for 6 weeks straight on my own as her place is term time only. I get where you are coming from so do what you need to so!

RhiWrites · 04/07/2017 19:07

I'd go stir crazy with 6 weeks of full time childcare while my husband passive aggressively said "why do you need a break, I'd love to spend more time with our children".

He sounds selfish and a lot of posters here sound like martyrs. Why shouldn't you have a break from being the entertainment fairy?

C8H10N4O2 · 04/07/2017 19:10

You dont work

She does, she runs the home and family despite health problems

I hope the termtime clubs are just activities they enjoy doing and not just babysitting them

Right because SAHMs are not allowed to have any time off at all, its 24*7 until they leave home.

Its not DH's money, its family money. Anyone sufficiently ill to get PIP is likely to need to take care to get through 6 weeks school hols.

If the OP was in paid work her employer would need to make adjustments to support her doing the job and its discriminatory to assume someone in this position is slacking when they have an enablement issue.

DH doesn't want money spent, he doesn't want them using tablets/tv much, they don't have a garden or outside playspace etc but he isn't carrying the load.

He needs to step up and use some of his time off to give the OP a regular break and contribute to the solution instead of complaining about her solutions. If he doesn't want to do that then they pay for clubs.

RiverTam · 04/07/2017 19:16

I also wonder how many of the 'it's only 6 weeks, of course you shouldn't use holiday clubs' people have family help and get child free time regularly. We have no family nearby, so no sleepovers at Grandma's or with cousins, no couple of hours here and there - nothing. Apart from the odd play date (and in the summer these can be really hard to arrange with everyone's holidays away and own arrangements) I have DD all the time. All year round. Damn right she's going to the amazing holiday club that lots of children from her school use for a few days over the holidays.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 19:29

Blimey- starting to feel a bit guilted by some of the responses on here!- it's really not as simple as having non stop fun days out for six weeks on end when you have health problems and on your own in a city flat which means when you go out you have to be constantly 'on'. My DS 1 is old enough to go out to the shops for me and get milk or bread and basic shopping when i can;t go out so that is good, but feel it would be nice for him to join the farm club for something for him- and his brother, and me for some time for me. Is that really considered selfish for some people? Or preferable for me to neglect my health and end up in hospital? Wouldn't be there for them then would I...

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 19:32

Also, days out would cost me just as much to be honest, for example taking them to local science centre or zoo would be roughly £50 for three then the bus or train fare another £20 at least...even going out to a cafe for a couple of hot chocs or a lunch would be nearly £30. Anyway not sure exactly why I'm justifying this to myself or anyone here really. Yes would be much more different if I had extended family but am NC with my parents and DH's parents work full time. and no others nearby.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 04/07/2017 19:38

Don't feel guilted. Do what you need to do, for both yourself and your DC, to make the summer holidays good for all of you. There's no need to be a martyr, just to placate other martyrs on MN!

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 19:42

Do you think martyrs need to confirm how THEY would never DREAM of using a holiday club to justify how wonderful they are perhaps? Well, I'm just honest, I'm much happier and a better mum for having a break, especially when it's something where I know they are happy and busy, getting something out of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 19:43

DH does a lot actually! He also has a chronic illness (Chrohn's disease and on strong meds, and working a lot. ) Give him a break!

OP posts:
scrabble1 · 04/07/2017 19:48

well said Sofabitch. I am a SAHM with an only child and am usually exhausted and somewhat depressed by end of summer "holidays". My DH busiest time at work so I'm my own all day with my DS. He won't play alone, only child with SEN and hyperactive and I don't have anyone to meet up with. I say to OP please do what works for you and don't feel guilty

MatildaTheCat · 04/07/2017 19:52

Do what suits YOU Lovelybath. You have major health problems and are looking for workable strategies to get through the holidays.

As well as looking at clubs have you considered looking locally for a sensible student who could do activities with them? Might include days out, swimming, cinema or park. At about £10/ hour it may be cheaper and more flexible than rigid hours.

DH sounds a bit fed up but he isn't managing the childcare, you are.

Original poster
LovelyBath77 · 04/07/2017 19:58

I think he's just worried about money, to be honest.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 04/07/2017 20:10

DH does a lot actually! He also has a chronic illness (Chrohn's disease and on strong meds, and working a lot. ) Give him a break!

Fair enough but then you need an agreement between you that gives you both a break. That may be some days a holiday club, some days he takes them out, some days you do and some days they just play computer games/slob out.

I'm sure there are plenty of perfect parents here - I was never one of them, would have been remarkably slack by some standards here but somehow they all grew up to be well adjusted, successful adults.

One of them even turned what I considered to be excess game time into hard cash and credentials when they started work. You just do your best and they get to take a bit of extra responsibility and build some independence.