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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find colleague's attitude re Summer Barbecue ridiculous

145 replies

user1485342611 · 04/07/2017 11:31

A lot of people in my workplace, including me, will be finishing up for the Summer in a couple of weeks. A few people have organised a 'Summer's Here' barbecue for next week to celebrate this, and management will subsidise it. So basically, we all throw in a tenner and we get food, drink and entertainment for the evening.

I asked a colleague who I bumped into in the kitchen earlier if she was going and she just laughed and said 'No, I can't think of anything worse. I actually have a life outside here'.

Fair enough if the evening planned wasn't her cup of tea. But AIBU to think that implying that all those going have no life, or are not worth socialising with is absolutely ridiculous?

There's a good atmosphere around here, but we only tend to socialise on special occasions. No going to the pub every Friday or anything like that.

OP posts:
FlyingElbows · 04/07/2017 11:36

Your colleague is perfectly free not to feel the same way as you. I don't think she did imply you have no life or are not worth socialising with, those are ideas you've chosen to project on to her. Tbh I don't know why you'd give it head space. Just go and enjoy yourself and don't waste your life caring about what you think other people think.

Singingtherapy · 04/07/2017 11:40

I'm with you OP. It was meant as a put down, otherwise she'd have said no I'm not going, sounds lovely but not my cup of tea or something.

Figaro2017 · 04/07/2017 11:51

All she's done is separate her home and work life.

The comment is more of a throw away line, that's all.

muddlefuck · 04/07/2017 11:57

YABU

Original poster
user1485342611 · 04/07/2017 11:58

It didn't come across as a throwaway line. It was said in a very dismissive tone, and in the hearing of several people.

Several people have said 'no, sorry, I can't make it' without making remarks about 'having a life' or 'they couldn't think of anything worse'.

I just found her dismissive attitude a bit unnecessary.

OP posts:
WillRikersExtraNipple · 04/07/2017 11:59

I don't see the problem, it's a comment about herself, not about you.

Vereesa · 04/07/2017 12:00

I think you're overthinking it.

HerOtherHalf · 04/07/2017 12:01

In my experience, people who make that sort of comment (and I've heard it a few times) very rarely have much of a life outside work, not a social one anyway.

Megbert · 04/07/2017 12:01

I'm an unsociable wart and probably wouldn't go to the BBQ but her response was twatty.

Have fun and don't give her another thought.

PicardsCombOver · 04/07/2017 12:04

She was rude. Forget about the comment she made and have a nice time op Brew

chupsmelad · 04/07/2017 12:04

I really hate that sort of event (I just find it exhausting), but her response was so rude!

I'd be more likely to say, "It's really not my thing, but I hope you have a great time!" or probably, "Unfortunately I can't make it."

She's trying to build herself up by putting others down. Sadly for her, as otherhalf said, she probably doesn't have much of a life outside work at all!

schokolade · 04/07/2017 12:04

Well there as no need for her to be do rude about it, that's for sure. Maybe people have been pestering her to come if she gave less strong responses. Don't think you'll miss her though Grin

pigsDOfly · 04/07/2017 12:04

She's been invited to go to a BBQ at which, she can spend some time with a group of people and she's telling one of them, and in the hearing of others, 'that she can think of nothing worse' sounds a pretty unnecessary comment to me.

HipsterHunter · 04/07/2017 12:04

In my experience, people who make that sort of comment (and I've heard it a few times) very rarely have much of a life outside work, not a social one anyway.

Agreed!

Genuinely nice people who have lots of friends and a busy social circle don't feel the need to be derogatory about work social events.

ParadiseCity · 04/07/2017 12:05

She is sneery and probably feels inadequate. Enjoy the bbq

MyheartbelongstoG · 04/07/2017 12:05

Just a flippant comment.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 04/07/2017 12:06

I used to make comments like that. It was to shut down the "Oh go on! You'll love it! It'll be so much fun! Aww you're really missing out!" before it started.

It's a defence mechanism!

arethereanyleftatall · 04/07/2017 12:08
  1. Fine to not want to go
  2. Her comment was unnecessarily rude
  3. NOne of it is worth a second thought.
BertrandRussell · 04/07/2017 12:08

She's obviously a mumsnetter!

Vereesa · 04/07/2017 12:08

She's trying to build herself up by putting others down. Sadly for her, as otherhalf said, she probably doesn't have much of a life outside work at all!

Sounds to me like it was just harmless banter? I work very long hours and people in my office (especially my mates from different departments) frequently joke about us being "no lifers". Not everything is said with malice.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 04/07/2017 12:09

But surely just a simple 'no, I have something else on that night so can't make it' would suffice Milk.

I agree with other posters that people who genuinely have a good social life don't feel any need to prove it by making derogatory remarks about work events.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/07/2017 12:10

Yanbu

Always seems a miserable attitude to me.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 04/07/2017 12:10

I don't think she did imply you have no life or are not worth socialising with, those are ideas you've chosen to project on to her.

Of course she did. Confused

Vereesa · 04/07/2017 12:11

Do people at your office not engage in banter? Confused

Notanothernamechangeaddict · 04/07/2017 12:12

Yanbu
People at my work say things like that, a lady I had worked with all year, chatted with and got along great once said to me (referring to the xmas party) "urlll why would I want to socialise with anyone from here" made me feel a bit rubbish and that the whole year we had been "friends" was a lie