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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find colleague's attitude re Summer Barbecue ridiculous

145 replies

user1485342611 · 04/07/2017 11:31

A lot of people in my workplace, including me, will be finishing up for the Summer in a couple of weeks. A few people have organised a 'Summer's Here' barbecue for next week to celebrate this, and management will subsidise it. So basically, we all throw in a tenner and we get food, drink and entertainment for the evening.

I asked a colleague who I bumped into in the kitchen earlier if she was going and she just laughed and said 'No, I can't think of anything worse. I actually have a life outside here'.

Fair enough if the evening planned wasn't her cup of tea. But AIBU to think that implying that all those going have no life, or are not worth socialising with is absolutely ridiculous?

There's a good atmosphere around here, but we only tend to socialise on special occasions. No going to the pub every Friday or anything like that.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 04/07/2017 13:45

It was definitely meant as an insult. Why is she so rude? Does she not get along with her colleagues?

WankYouForTheMusic · 04/07/2017 13:50

Attitude could also have meant attitude towards attending OP, ie her desire not to go. That would be no more or less correct a use of the term than attitude as a description of her manner of expression.

But in any case, there's general agreement that she should have been polite about her refusal.

user1499119847 · 04/07/2017 13:50

I think you are being a bit too touchy OP.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 04/07/2017 13:52

That sounds really extreme MatchGirl. But people really don't go on like that around here. I have not gone to several work events and have never been hassled and pestered about it, and I would never harangue anyone else to go to something they don't want/can't go to.

I asked my colleague if she was going just to say something friendly when we were both waiting by the sink. If she had said she couldn't make it I'd just have said 'oh that's a pity' or some such. I certainly didn't expect a superior 'Good God I have a life' type comment.

OP posts:
Stopnamechanging · 04/07/2017 13:53

I think she was rude, no need for the added extra of having a better life.

Littleraincloud · 04/07/2017 13:54

I find work does really stressful (I don't know why,i just feel like I'm being supervised !) And so I never go on them but I always come up with believable and inoffensive excuses, children's parties, date night with husband, family meal...etc. I'd hate my colleagues to think I disliked them. They just think I'm much busier outside work than I am haha

Decaffstilltastesweird · 04/07/2017 13:55

It's also true about some people being really pushy about these work things (not the op necessarily). I've been hounded about it before and tried to be polite but people keep whining on. And then they tell other people you're not coming and then start demanding why and it just gets awkward. Maybe being rude is her slightly ott way of getting out of it; I mean, you won't be asking her again, (not that I assume you were planning to or anything), she just insulted you when you asked! So her plan has worked a treat I feel that's the case.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 04/07/2017 13:56

*If that's

LittleMatchGirl · 04/07/2017 13:58

I believe you @user, and I agree that the comment was rude, but as I said (and some others have said,) maybe you were the 10th person to ask, and she was just pissed off with it.

As many have said though, it is highly likely that she is not doing anything else. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.)

Have you thought about having a word with her about why she reacted like she did? I mean a nice chat, not a scolding. Grin

There may a reason for her snappiness, and her rude remark. Is she usually OK?

LittleMatchGirl · 04/07/2017 14:09

It's also true about some people being really pushy about these work things (not the op necessarily). I've been hounded about it before and tried to be polite but people keep whining on. And then they tell other people you're not coming and then start demanding why and it just gets awkward.

I think this post by @decaffstilltastesweird, and some similar comments (earlier in the thread) by other posters, kind of illustrate that the experience my husband had is not a one-off.

When it comes to attending work functions, some workplace people can be very insistent and persuasive and naggy, almost to the point of it feeling like bullying.

MY DH had tried to say no on occasions before, and like with the above post, they go all pouty and sad-eyed, and say 'U no like us???' Sad, and some of them even resort to calling him boring and an 'anti-social' git; making him feel bad/guilty/stressed. So this is why he said yes last Christmas, to shut them up, and then didn't go. He was well justified in doing that imo.

user1476869312 · 04/07/2017 14:10

For all OP knows, this could have been about the twentieth time the woman had been asked, and she could already have been tired of the 'Oh, why not, it will be SUCH FUN!' aggro, so had resorted to being a bit rude to get people to back off.

Baalam · 04/07/2017 14:13

Perhaps she doesn't like any of you because you pick over everything she says and start threads on social media about it?

BorisTrumpsHair · 04/07/2017 14:19
Hmm
Coddiwomple · 04/07/2017 14:31

when you read some of the reactions on here, you understand why some colleagues have no interest in socialising at all. You can't say anything without someone being offended or over reacting, it completely proves the point!

TheStoic · 04/07/2017 14:32

'I can't think of anything worse' = banter?

Yeah...no. If that's your idea of banter, you literally have no social skills whatsoever.

Scrumpernickel · 04/07/2017 14:38

You can't say anything without someone being offended or over reacting, it completely proves the point!

What nonsense.

We’ve all had jobs where we’d rather stick pins in our eyes than socialise with our colleagues but a polite ‘I won’t be able to make it’ is all it takes.

Figaro2017 · 04/07/2017 14:38

The way it's been overanalysed on here suggests the poor woman is right not to go to the barbecue!

lifeisntallhaha · 04/07/2017 14:39

Don't sweat the small stuff! Go and enjoy the works do. It obviously isn't her thing and perhaps she would have expressed herself more diplomatically if she realised you'd be so sensitive about it - or maybe not! How well do you know her? Maybe she has a sarky sense of humour and meant no great offence. Doubt it was malicious or calculated tbh.

Scrumpernickel · 04/07/2017 14:39

It's the AIBU board on MN, over analysis is the point!

WillRikersExtraNipple · 04/07/2017 14:40

We’ve all had jobs where we’d rather stick pins in our eyes than socialise with our colleagues but a polite ‘I won’t be able to make it’ is all it takes

Yes, because god forbid anyone ever actually says what they mean!

Scrumpernickel · 04/07/2017 14:43

I think workplaces all over the country would descend to violent bedlam if we all started speaking our minds. Honestly, why are some people so offended by the idea of keeping it civil?

Coddiwomple · 04/07/2017 14:45

That's the sort of comment you would make to a colleague you actually like, one you can joke with! Complete over reaction.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 04/07/2017 14:47

She was civil. Why do people have to make everything about themselves?

Vereesa · 04/07/2017 14:47

Coddiwomple Hear, hear!

JayneAusten · 04/07/2017 14:48

I don't think it's as nice a place to work as you think it is.

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